Leaving a Gift and Grief - Essay Example

301024001 Sixth draft Essay Leaving a Gift and Grief As I young girl, I heard a lot about period of puberty and the physical and hormonal changes that come with it so I was prepared for it. When I started noticing the changes in my body during my teen years, I was never traumatized because I expected the changes and physical development of my body. However, nothing could have prepared me for the mental anguish that came during my adolescent years. My best friend died during our last year in high school. It had a lasting impact on my psyche that turned me from an unreasonable and emotional kid to a mature adult’s mind overnight. The loss of my best friend left a big hole in my heart. However, I used the pain that I felt positively by channeling it into my character building in order to develop my inner strength and standing up for what I believe to be just and righteous. These are the most important values in my life, guiding me to act right as a human being. A strong sense of morality helps me to avoid bad habits. It also gives me the courage and bravery to tell the truth every time it needs to be said. I went to a private high school for girls in Korea. School started at eight o’clock in the morning and finished at five o’clock in the afternoon. Then we had self study time until 11pm. I had classmates who stayed in the same room all day. Home was only for sleep to us. When I was a senior in high school, I felt like a robot, going to school all day long, coming home for sleep, and then off to school again. If a UFO appeared in the sky at this time, I would not have been excited because I was so bored that I would probably forget it almost immediately because it did not make an impact on me mentally or physically. In the first month of my senior year, I was sitting on a chair and watching other girls. A group of five girls gathered talking about something. One girl was talking, and other girls suddenly glimpsed a girl sitting far away from them. In my class, we had a cool group. Members were very popular in the school. One of them was topped the high school entrance exam, so all teachers knew about her. Another member was an athlete. She looked like a boy, acted like a boy, and was very funny. For some reason, this girl was attracted to girls. Other members of the group were very funny, and they were friendly with the teachers. They told many jokes to teachers during class and made all of us laugh. They seemed cool students, but just like every group, they too had a dark side. They were the jealous kind who would feed on hatred and bullying of other students. Their group was very famous, so everybody wanted to join the cool group and tried to stay on their good side by taking a stand on the cool group’s side even if they were wrong. I was not close to this group but I was close to a girl sitting alone who usually studied even on breaks. She and I started talking. At first we just talked few minutes, and then it got longer and longer. Sometimes we talked for hours after school. We found that we had a lot in common. For example we had good grades in middle school, but fell behind in high school. We were not even sure we could get accepted into a university. We encouraged whenever it was necessary. We talked about how long we studied during weekends. Of course we talked about boys, and giggled a lot. When we were talking, we felt all our troubles fade away for a few hours. It was very hot in July. The university entrance exam was coming fast. The test date was scheduled for December. It was self study time. All the students were supposed to study quietly, but the cool group members started talking loudly. They disturbed others, but no one said anything to them. Suddenly my best friend spoke up. She said, “It is self study time. You guys are supposed to be quite.” the classroom froze for a few seconds like a scene from the movie, the Matrix. A hush came over the classroom. We could hear the next person breathing. Since that incident, something changed. The cool group started gossiping about my friend to other classmates. On a different day, one of the cool members intentionally talked loud during self study time, and then another member said, “Hey! You should be quiet.”. They started giggling. I knew what game they were playing. During break time, one member said, “Hey guys! Keep it down. Someone is studying.” Other girls did not want to talk to my best friend because cool members watched who was talking to whom. My best friend was a big girl. She seemed like she did not care about what happened to her, and did not say any bad things about the cool members either. One day one of the cool members said, “You shouldn’t be her friend. She is a geek. If you talk to her a lot, you might become like her.” I wanted to tell the cool members that “My friend was right, and she did not do anything wrong. It is your problem. You are bullying my best friend.” Yet somehow I managed to swallow my tongue. When I saw my best friend’s back after a conversation with a cool member, she turned her face to me and gave me a big smile. She had no clue what the cool member told me. I felt so guilty about not taking a stand because it was what a friend was for and because she should not have been bullied just because she had a different opinion. This shameful sense of not telling a truth affected me. I had a dream every night that brought me back to the scene. I shouted what I wanted to say, but I was voiceless. A month went by. The test date was almost upon us. My best friend and I said good night to each other, and then went home. A class was supposed to start at 8:00 am, but it was changed to 9:00 am. My best friend had not come to the school yet. I thought she was caught in traffic, or woke up late. A door slowly opened, and our teacher came in with a rigid face. He said, “Jung-hee had a car accident, and passed away at the scene.” I froze. I felt number. I couldnt think straight. I could not believe what i just heard. Then I realized it was real. I cried all day. We just said good night the night before and now she was gone. I still dont remember how I got home that day because of my depression. The next day all classmates went to the hospital. In Korea, a hospital where an ambulance takes dead bodies keeps the dead body for three days, and then a family has a funeral service. There is a small room in the hospital, and a family put flowers around the dead person’s picture. Visitors bow in front of the picture, blows out the flame on the incense, and incense will burn out slowly in a small container. I bowed, tried to blow out a flame, but the flame refused to die. I tried harder, but the flame was still there. I realized that my best friend wanted to hold me as long as possible because it was the last time she could see me. She was there right next to me. My heart was aching so much. I just held the incense in my hands. My best friend’s mother came to me and said, “Thank you so much for being my daughter’s friend. She talked about you a lot. You and my daughter had a lot of plans, but my daughter couldn’t keep her promise.” We held each other, and cried. I had no words to say. All classmates wanted to write a letter, and put it in her casket. That night I tried to write a letter. I wanted to apologize to her for not take a stand for her. I wrote two lines, but I could not write any more because I could not seethe words and letters. My eyes were full of tears, and two lines that I wrote were blurred by my tears. I put the pen down, covered myself with a blanket and cried all night long. That happened when I was 18 years old. I am in my late 30’s now. After my best friend’s death, it took only a couple of days for the class to go back to normal. The cool group laughed, and talked loud. My best friend taught me a valuable quality in life, righteousness. When a person needs help regardless of whether that person is a friend of mine or not it is important to help that person. When something is not right, a person should tell the truth and speak up. It is not easy to speak up because it requires a tremendous amount of courage. When I tell the truth, people could turn against me. However fearing being an enemy and being isolated will be a short period of time. Feeling confident for doing right will make one a better person for the rest of his life. My best friend taught me this by sacrificing herself. This kind of situation could happen anytime and anywhere. Among students in school or in the work palace. My best friend gave me the strength to tell the truth. I heard a story about bullying in school yesterday, and I felt a stab in my heart.I remembered the story of my friend. I want to tell them that students should think about what is right. Just because others do it does not mean you should do it too. If you tell them to stop bullying, they might hate you for a while. But you will feel confident about what you did, and will not regret it for the rest of your life. You might give other students a chance to look at themselves because sometimes they do not realize what they are doing. I wanted to tell the students as a sister and as a person who lived with the consequences of my actions about my valuable experience, so they would not make the same horrible mistake that I made, and would not suffer from regretting it. Read More