Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged-Marriage and Love-Marriage - Essay Example

Analysis of Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged-Marriage and Love-Marriage Both arranged-marriage and love-marriage (self-induced marriage) have positive sides and negative sides. Marriage is one of the basic institutions on which a society crucially pivots on. It lies at the core of the family system which is the smallest, but the most important, unit of a society. It has a huge impact on the functioning of a society as an organic whole. Therefore, the prerequisite for a healthy marriage is that only the consenting parties should get married. Leach (1971) defines marriage as following: “Marriage is a relationship established between a woman and one or more other persons, which provides that a child born to the woman under circumstances not prohibited by the rules of the relationship” (Leach in Gudeman, 1976, p.131). Indeed, such definition of marriage serves better the sociological studies. Confucius (n.d.) gives a more psychological perception of marriage: “Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love….to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth” (Su, 1922, p.54). But the question that arises here is: how should the willing parties of marriage consent? There are many cultures and societies, all over the world, which allow the system of matchmaking. In this system, a man (often a woman), called ‘matchmaker’, is supposed to negotiate between the two parties of a marriage. This system of matchmaking allows the parties to know each other well. On the other hand, there are societies which do not care much about the matchmaking system. Rather these societies such the western peoples allow the wiling male or females to choose their spouse. This western norm of allowing people to choose their spouse is based on the assumption that the true basis of husband-wife relationship is ‘love’, mutual understanding and cooperation between the two. (Phillips, 1988, p. 34-38) Indeed both arranged marriage and love marriage have advantages and disadvantages. They are described below. In arranged-marriage, family-values are emphasized while choosing the spouse. Since the elders of the families are directly involved in the matchmaking process, the rate of quarrel, divorce and discordance between husband and wife is lower than love-marriage. But the elders’ support, in arranged marriage, sometimes may turn into interference. Thus, elderly interference, though may not cause divorce or break-up of relationship, may be the source of sufferings. Especially, in eastern culture, women are the worst-sufferer of elderly interference, as it is reported in an article, “Some marital arguments and conflicts are settled better when only the spouses are involved. When the in-laws interfere and impose their views, this can cause stress to the marriage.” (Professor’s House, n.d., pars. 5) In love marriage, the chance of the balance of status between the bride’s and the bridegroom’s families is comparatively low. Therefore, the chance of getting family support is lower than the arranged marriage. Moreover, when boys and girls of different values are trapped into hormone-driven love marriage, the possibility of running into conflict rises high. But when people are matured enough to decide what they expect and what they may get or may not get from their opposite sex, love marriage is a good option for an everlasting relationship. (Phillips, 1988, p. 78) In arranged marriage, romance and passion between the husband and the wife is of secondary importance, whereas duties towards others are of primary importance. Therefore, “children are mostly regarded as the main source of emotional satisfaction. So there is less focus on one’s partner and less unrealistic expectations.” (Bohn, 2009, pars. 4) Since people do not have much scope to get intimate with the opposite sexes, sexuality remains the source entertainment during the first few years until they become engaged with their children. Simply their emotional entertainment becomes split into two modes such as parental emotion and sexual emotion. Often, “marriage is seen as a way of pleasing God or adhering to moral values rather than focusing on sexual and romantic satisfaction.” (Bohn, 2009, pars.4) On the other hand, since love often leads to premarital sex which is considered as a sin in Christianity, love-marriage is mostly devoid of spirituality. In love-marriage, premarital sex is, in most of the western cultures, not offending. Therefore, sex plays a very little role as a source of inspiration to face after-marriage problems. Even far from being married the premarital sexual lovers often break up. Again since in arranged marriage, a sense of duty and responsibility prevails over the husband-wife relationship, the sexual entertainment as well as emotional pleasure of having child is the only source of joys. But since love-marriage begins with the illusion of romanticism, the couple’s sense of duty and responsibility does not get enough time to grow up. Since In arranged marriage, people marry in accordance with their elders’ choice, people receive support from them if necessary. They may not get their elders’ support always; but in most cases, they get it during the first few years or until they have one or two children. Since the early years of a conjugal life are the time when the husband and the wife adjust themselves with each other, parental or elders’ support are greatly helpful. On the other hand, one of the common problems of arranged marriage is that the elders do not pay sufficient attention to the needs and desires of the brides and bridegrooms. (Bohn, 2009, pars.4-5) In eastern cultures, it is very much common that girl will be forced by their parents to marry someone, whom she does not like, as it is said in an article, When marriages are arranged by elders or parents, this does not encourage spouses to make up their own mind about who to marry. Instead of dating and meeting people and comparing them against one’s ideals, they leave that part of the work to someone else. (Professor’s House, n.d., pars. 6) But in love marriage, if the couple fails to manage their elders’ consent, they do not get any support from them. In fact, it is the scenario in the eastern cultures. The western parents commonly allow their sons or daughters to marry whom they love. Therefore, in the west, the problem of love marriage is different. Since the illusionary romance seems to blindfold the couple’s eye and keeps away from the reality, after marriage they become baffled at the prospect of stern reality and their relationship breaks up before they get enough time to adjust themselves with each other. (Phillips, 1988, p. 44) Both of these two systems have advantages and disadvantages, a conjunction of them is supposed to be fruitful and effective for a long-lasting conjugal relationship. But though it seems to be theoretically true, practically it often becomes impossible. Since teenage love is hormone-driven, love between younger people does not care much about what their elders find impossible. A family crucially depends on the conjugal bond between the couples (Marian 47-56). Indeed, a healthy relationship between a husband and a wife greatly contribute to a child’s socialization. If a mutual relationship based on cooperation and understanding does not exist in a family, often divorce appears to be the only solution for conflicting couple. Even if the couple is not willing to get divorced, life becomes worse than hell. In both cases, whether being divorced or not, not only the quarrelling couple suffers badly, but also others who are closely related to them, such their children, parents, relatives, etc suffer from the quarrelling of a married couple. Mutual understanding between the husband and the wife is the most crucial prerequisite of making a marriage effective and successful. But certainly there are other factors which grossly affect the relationship between a husband and a wife. References Bohn, M. (2009) The Benefits of Arranged Marriage. [Online] Available from http://suite101.com/article/the-benefits-of-having-an-arranged-marriage-a144200 [Accessed 13 February 2013] Gudeman, Stephen, (1976) Relationships, residence and the individual, p. 131. Marian et al. (1995) Strengthening the Family - Implications for International Development. Tokyo: United Nations University Press. Phillips, R. (1988) Putting Asunder: A History of Divorce in Western Society. New York: Cambridge University Press. Professor’s House. (n.d.) Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages. [Online] Available from http://www.professorshouse.com/Relationships/Marriage-Advice/Articles/Advantages-and-Disadvantages-of-Arranged-Marriages/ [Accessed 13 February 2013] Su, Sing G. (1922) Chinese Family System, p. 54-55. Read More