Love and Divorce in Lifespan Development - Essay Example

Love and Divorce in Lifespan Development Introduction Each individual person passes through many development stages in life and this affects the wayhe or she perceives and responds to different events that may arise during life. These stages also determine the quality of growth each person will experience during any given time of life. Some of these development stages especially in young adults deal with love and marriage which are associated with the feeling of wanting and being wanted in return which is very important especially during young adulthood. However, due to different experiences faced by different people in their life, they may be subjected to factors that could later affect them and can have a severe impact on their lives with regards to marriage and divorce. By virtue of critically analyzing various stages of development, it can be noted that some of these situations which may take place can end up affecting someone’s future love life. Childhood According to Erikson’s theory of socio-emotional development, an individual has to go through four different stages before reaching adolescence. These four stages include Trust versus Mistrust, Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt, Initiative versus Guilt, and Accomplishment/Industry versus Inferiority (Rosenthal, Gurney, & Moore, 1981). If these stages yield no changes when the individual goes through them, it can prove to be a negative development to that person as he or she gets older. If a child does not understand the difference between trust and mistrust, he or she will find that it is difficult to implement them in a future relationship. This is an important stage to see positive development in children. John Piaget also concurs with Erikson’s theory of socio-emotional development. He believes that by the time a child reaches adolescence, he should have already developed the ability to think in terms of reality, to make decisions based on his or her own perceptions, and to observe the environment (Piaget, 1997). These are some of the skills that play important roles as the individual begins to form relationships with others. The decisions that they make in terms of their relationships can affect the way they grow. If they are unable to assess reality and their environment, this will have a bearing on the type of relationship they will have. This also determines the situation that would suit them best which may be risky in that it can strain their future relationships. A lot of growing and development in people is experienced during their early years and this shapes their future life. By the time they reach adolescence and young adulthood, they experience physical and emotional changes which they can use in their childhood development to adulthood. If the developmental needs of childhood are not met or properly achieved, future problems could arise. Adolescence and Young Adulthood Children go through many physical and emotional changes and these play a very important role in their lives since these have long lasting effects. In most cases, the situations they experience during childhood can help them overcome the new developments that they experience during adolescence and young adulthood. With regards to Erikson’s theory of socio-emotional development, the next stages consist of the individual developing skills, self-esteem, confidence, a sense of responsibility and learning about love and family values and the importance of such relationships (Rosenthal, Gurney, & Moore, 1981). As a person reaches young adulthood, he or she focuses more on interpersonal relationships and begins to look for a partner to confide in. This helps to increase a sense of belonging which is perhaps why Erikson called this stage Intimacy versus Isolation (Rosenthal, Gurney, & Moore, 1981). If development would have gone accordingly in the childhood phase, the individual stands a greater chance of having good interpersonal relationships. The skills that are developed during the childhood stage are later transformed to help individuals form intimate relationships with others. Isolation can be the end result if a person does not properly develop. According to Seiffge-Krenke, Shulman, & Kiessinger (2001), romantic love in young adults consists of three main factors: connectedness, attraction, and painful love. Furthermore, the relationship of a person with parents, the marital status of the parents, and a number of other factors related to the different stages of development have a significant effect on the romantic love of young adults (Seiffge-Krenke, Shulman, & Kiessinger, 2001). What leads to the aforementioned aspects of romantic love is learned during childhood, even though if it is not done directly. Trust versus Mistrust and Accomplishment versus Inferiority are the greatest developmental stages that a child can go through that can potentially have a negative effect on the interpersonal relationships that young adults form. The first stage determines if whether or not the individual will have trust issues in their relationship, and the second stage determines how the individuals will feel about themselves and if they are worthy enough for others. It is vital that the childhood stages are passed through successfully. Love and Divorce in Society Selecting a life partner is one of the most important decisions of young adults and has a significant influence on the life of that person. Finding the person is a task in itself, but hanging on to them can at times seems like an impossible feat. Most of the individuals begin looking for partners long before they have developed enough to know what they want out of an intimate relationship. This can be seen through the large number of teenage pregnancies recorded where the relationship does not survive for a long period. At this stage, the youths will be unaware of the consequences of intimate relationships yet they still continue seeking something from each other. Unfortunately, in this given scenario, damage will have been done where there is conception of a child in a loveless relationship. Though there might have been feelings between the two people involved, these could not have been long lasting. Social penetration is the term used to define relationships that move from liking one another to sharing a greater closeness and intimacy (Altman & Taylor, 1973). Quite similar to the scenario previously mentioned, relationships differ on the basis of the amount of intimacy involved though this does not always equate with love. One factor leads into the other - from liking to being close then to being intimate which is often hoped to end with love. Most relationships follow this pattern which allows the people in the relationship to get used to each other and determine if they can have an intimate relationship. Social penetration is self explanatory - the social aspect consists of two people in a relationship and the penetration involves the various stages of closeness that can be experienced by the two people. This pattern shows that emotions and feelings increase as two people become used to each other. Studies have shown that less attractive people look for less attractive people to avoid being rejected by people who are better looking (Atkinson, Hilgard, & Atkinson, 2009). This tends to go hand-in-hand with the development that should have been seen in the adolescent stages, self-esteem and confidence. If an individual does not feel confident enough that he is worth of someone he feels is attractive or if he lacks self-esteem which makes him believe that he has to be concerned about how others look and feel about himself, then that individual will end up putting boundaries and limitations in relationships. According to Rubin (1970, pp. 265), “Love is an attitude held by a person toward another particular person involving predispositions to think, feel, and behave in certain ways toward that other person.” This is a feeling that most people strive to feel throughout their lifetime. Many people succeed and yet there are also those that succeed to the extent of their relationship culminating into a marriage but then end up in divorce. As noted already, creating love is difficult on its own, but the real task lies in making it last. Unfortunately, there are factors in love that can lead to a divorce, and these factors include a lack of intimacy and communication (Wynne & Wynne, 1986). Love may be evident, but if these two things are lacking, the relationship will be threatened. Some studies have shown that women who have not experienced intimacy in college are more likely to get a divorce in midlife compared to women who have had an intimate relationship while in college (Weinberger, Hofstein, & Whitbourne, 2009). Moreover, the rate of divorce is higher among the young couple compared to adult couples because younger couples expect more from each other (Seiler, 2002). If there is no previous experience of love and intimacy, then there will be too many expectations in the relationship which can eventually put a strain on it especially if one person is not meeting the expectations of another. If females have an intimate relationship while in college, they learn to expect less from later relationships in life. Conclusion The developmental stages spreading throughout the lifespan of a person play an important role in the decision-making and future of the person. These stages of development deal with mental, emotional and physical growth of an individual which has a great impact on how the person develops in the long run. If one of the stages is not passed through properly and very little development is seen, the other stages of development will be affected. If an individual does not learn to trust properly or else does not understand the circumstances in which they should mistrust, they might not be able to apply that knowledge of trust and mistrust in their relationships. The past experiences of a person have a significant impact especially with regards to love, marriage, and divorce of an individual. If they face issues in which their self-esteem is low, they lack confidence, or they if are unable to determine when to trust and when to mistrust, these factors will affect the way their relationships are developed and this may prevent the individual from getting involved in intimate relationships. It is very important that individuals get the best experiences from their development so that they have a more promising chance to be involved in a more permanent and intimate relationship. References Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston. Atkinson, R. L., Hilgard, E. R., & Atkinson, R. C. (2009). Introduction to Psychology. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. Piaget, J. (1997). Readings on the development of children. Development and learning, pp. 20-28. Rosenthal, D. A., Gurney, R. M., & Moore, S. M. (1981). From trust on intimacy: A new inventory for examining Erikcons stages of psychological development. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 525-537. Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of Romantic Love. Journal of personality and Social Psychology, 265-273. Seiffge-Krenke, I., Shulman, S., & Kiessinger, N. (2001). Adolescent precursors of romantic relationships in young adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 327-346. Seiler, N. (2002). Is teen marriage a solution. Retrieved September 21, 2010, from CLASP: http://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_archive/files/0087.pdf Weinberger, M. I., Hofstein, Y., & Whitbourne, S. K. (2009). Intimacy in young adulthood as a predictor of dovorce in midlife. PubMed Central, 551-557. Wynne, L. C., & Wynne, A. R. (1986). The quest for intimacy. Journal of marital and Family Therapy, 383-394. Read More