The Power of Relationship: Counselling - Article Example

Counselling However extensive the hopes and aims of the client, and however specific the problem and the goal, the route to that end involves helping the client make sense of himself, his feelings and his experience so that he may regain possession of himself and live effectively in his world. "Perhaps this happens through gaining a different perspective of himself and his life, perhaps through transforming feelings and experiences into shapes that are more useful and meaningful than they had been before, but it never happens through destroying what already is: like matter, feelings and experiences cannot be destroyed but they can be changed into something as apparently different as steam is from ice". (Noonan, 1983, p. 64) Counselling profession depends upon the relationship between client and counsellor that requires a willingness on the part of the counsellor to consider his/her interpersonal stance both as a malleable therapeutic force and as behaviors over which one can acquire planned control. "The flow of the relationship as proffer by the counsellor therefore involves both a loosening that allows the client to experiment with ways of relating and, at other times, a tightening that evidences direction and purpose". (Wosket, 1999, p. 34) The power of the relationship in counselling hinges on the fact that it is normally the only relationship that the client and counsellor have. Counsellors, go through a stage of attempting to develop an ongoing relationship with a client. It usually only takes one experience of this to realise that counselling and social relationships don't mix. Part of the seasoning of the therapist is the giving up of the possibility of other relationships with people we often come to care deeply for. No doubt, counselling requires involvement of the counsellor with client, and often the counsellors in order to realise their extent of involvement as to what a demanding and complicated skill they possess, not only do they involve hearing the client's words and the message conveyed by their non-verbal communication, but they also listen to themselves in order to find out the impact the client is having on them at that moment. But at the same time counsellor should take care of not being over involved in the occupation especially when working with deeply damaged, disturbed or distressed clients. For such clients therapeutic environment needs to be created differently for each individual and this usually involves negotiation about boundaries, depth and pacing of the work, as well as tailoring the quality and intensity of the relationship to match the client's needs. When working with sensitive clients, the counsellor often finds feeling drawn more in terms of time and commitment than to those clients who are in less obvious need. It is not unusual for counsellors to have this response to needy clients and they are taught to resist such impulses by their trainers and supervisors. The dangers of becoming over-involved with such clients are real as the counsellors who practise over-involvement or an over emphasizing attitude are usually very lenient in their holding of boundaries and do this in an undifferentiated way with all their clients. But their leniency sometimes escorts them to a position, which requires them to take client's matter in their own hands. Overemphasizing in counseling leads to certain situations, which could be dangerous for their clients in the following ways: Too much involvement whether it be personal, professional or confidential might lead to a situation for the client where he assumes that counsellor is interfering in his personal matters. He may think in a negative manner in which a counsellor tries to misuse the client by leading him in a wrong direction. Over emphasizing can be dangerous particularly in the situation where the client is going through some psychotherapy treatment, he could be aggressive. If we consider an example of Psychotherapy, which along with the treatment also focuses on the transferential relationships between patient and therapist, it uses a variety of other methods, which require counsellor in order to determine the ratio of curing. The differences between psychotherapy and counselling are usually of orientation and degree rather than being fundamental to the two activities. In counselling there is less emphasis on, though not necessarily less awareness of, the transference between counsellor and client. Counselling tends to be shorter term and problem-centred, focusing on current personal difficulties and life problems, rather than analysis of the deep-seated personal problems dealt with in psychotherapy. While there is a great deal of overlap, it might be argued that the short-term, problem-centred counselling is better suited to general practice settings than psychotherapy as one of the dangers of over emphasizing remains with psychotherapy. Williams puts it succinctly: "Psychotherapy presumes treatment; there is a therapist and a patient, therefore there must be something to treat, for instance, a personality problem which requires change. Counselling on the other hand implies there is no treatment, although there is a problem." (Kauffman, 2004, p. 52) Whatever the client's difficulties, counsellor is given one, or at the most two, fifty or sixty minute sessions per week. Clients who express distress in or between sessions are said to be 'acting in' or 'acting out' by such therapists who are likely to hold on to the reins of their boundaries even more tightly in response. The client may learn to accommodate to this rigidity, as the child who cries for attention when it wakes and is fearful learns eventually to suppress its cries if the parent repeatedly ignores them. The client who cannot make do with the level of availability their therapist has prescribed is likely to make no progress, or leave therapy, or have a breakdown, or harm themselves. The last option may be a desperate bid to have the therapist hear that they can't manage on so little. "Clients seen by the counsellor can be asked to give their views of whether the counselling helped or not. Clients who do not turn up for further counselling can also be contacted, although it is likely that the response rate for this group of patients is likely to be low. However, to obtain unbiased answers, the questionnaires or interviews should be conducted by an individual independent from the counsellor or the practice". (Corney, 1993, p. 67) The most dangerous aspect of over emphasizing is when the distress of the client becomes chronic (he's identified with it) and the counsellor being not aware of the situation that he is playing a record from the past makes the client think that he is like a puppet with the strings being pulled by an earlier miserable time. To him, his negative feelings are completely justified by present circumstances, and he will tend to be unaware looking for their justification in every situation. "What someone else sees as an interesting, solvable problem, the client might read as an impossible dilemma. What someone else sees as a harassed waitress with too many tables to work, he might see as someone deliberately ignoring him. What someone else sees as a pleasant social occasion, he might judge to be not worth his time because he will be unable to make friendly contacts. He has been hurt in a particular way so many times that this aspect of his perceptions, thinking, feelings and behaviour is no longer flexible". (Kauffman, 2004, p. 53) The content of a distress pattern is simply the accumulation of superimposed recordings of what went on in a series of miserable once-upon-a-times. All these situations lead the client towards aggression so it is better for the counsellor not to over emphasize with the client. In order to avoid the dangers of over emphasizing, the counsellor should stop trying to take client's personal matters in his own hands. Don't let the client to be in a situation where he might think to be in a quarrel. Help the client and make him realise that he could make good choices in circumstances where painful feelings might push him toward doing things that would not be good for him. Ignore client's rigid behaviour and try to get him in a calm situation. Whenever the counsellor thinks, the discussion topic is hurting his client's feelings ignore or simply change the topic. The same topic can be discussed from a different aspect. Sometimes the counsellor might start talking about something that upsets the client for example, a client needs to discuss quarrel with a partner and instead of listening, counsellor being over involved jumps in and tells about his experiences with his partner. Or he might say, "Just forget about it. Let's go and have a drink", and the problem is still there waiting for him. Or he might advise his client to confront his partner. On trying it, the client failed. His words and facial expression are tense and angry, and his partner is offended. In these situations it would be better for the counsellor to stay aside and try to calm down his client. The counsellor might suggest some proposed alternative solutions for the problem rather than to emphasize upon a single solution. References Corney Roslyn, 1993. "Counselling in General Practice": Routledge: London. Kauffman Katie, 2004. "Co-Counselling: The Theory and Practice of Re-Evaluation Counselling": Routledge: New York. Noonan Ellen, 1983. "Counselling Young People": Tavistock Routledge: London. Wosket Val, 1999. "The Therapeutic Use of Self: Counselling Practice, Research, and Supervision": Routledge: London. Read More