Interpersonal Communication - Essay Example

Self-Analysis Paper: Interpersonal Communication Introduction Interpersonal communication is important particularly between or among people in close relationships. The way individuals communicate with each other can either make or break relationships (Branco and Valsiner 35). It is hard, however, to be perfect in communication skills, especially because each person has a different personality; thus, this means that it is possible that even within a small family circle, multiple communication strategies are required to deal with all the members of the family. Being insensitive to one’s communication styles could be detrimental even to healthy relationships (Petersen 23-4). In this paper, I will identify and elaborate on the communication styles that I need and want to change, explain why I believe they should be changed, and then plan the steps on applying the changes. Self-Analysis of Communication Styles First, I am very opinionated. I do not necessarily have an opinion on every issue, but when I set my opinion on a certain issue, it is most probably because I evaluated the idea carefully and thoroughly. I have always thought that being such, I have the right to force my opinion on other people. I am usually like this with my friends, or those who are around my age bracket. I have no bad intentions in doing so. Usually, I become forceful in talks when I feel like I am doing the other person a favor by correcting his or her mistake. I usually put their opinion on the hot seat, and then point out the areas why that opinion is a mistake. I do it in a matter-of-fact manner that I usually do not care if the other person is getting offended or hurt. I notice that the other person will usually just say yes to me to close the topic, or keep quiet until he or she finds an opportunity to change the subject. Second, I have always believed that when I am right, I need to prove it. Sometimes, I go to lengths such as dissecting the issue just to show the other person that I was right. I do not have an issue in admitting that I am wrong if I am wrong, that is probably why I expect other people to be the same. I usually do this with my parents, especially when I feel that they underestimate my ideas just because I am younger and have lesser experiences than they have. I do not feel, however, like scoring points. I just want them to realize that there are times when I am right too. However, such conversations would end up either heatedly or with me being forced to shut up, which I do not appreciate. This would make me put a double effort in proving that I am right (usually by bringing up past conversations or arguments) when the next opportunity comes. Third, despite being opinionated and having strong character, I am a very happy person to be with. However, I seem to be very direct, or my sense of humor sometimes offends others who are a bit sensitive. For me, it is usually to break the ice or to encourage a cheerful mood when it gets awkward or dull. I always make it a point to be politically correct, but others still see my sense of humor as insensitive sometimes. While my upbeat personality may draw people to me and make them generally happy to be with me, I want to change some of my communication styles because I do not like offending or hurting people unnecessarily, even if they had been unintentional. Research on Self-Analysis of Communication Styles I have recently noticed how easy it is for my conversations with people who are close to me to go around in circles. What starts as a normal conversation would lead to an argument. Looking back to all those times, a big percentage of those arguments were due to trivial matters. I figured out it must have something to do with my communication styles. I remember a famous line that says, “It is not what you say, but how you say it.” This is the major point of my research regarding interpersonal communication. I believe that what is flawed is not my intention nor my message, but how I express my thoughts. As I have earlier mentioned, I am very opinionated. They say that having arguments are common, but usually harder when family members or people who are close to each other are involved (Noller and Fitzpatrick 17). For first issue of being opinionated, it is said that the meta-messages of what is being communicated could easily be misinterpreted. For example, no matter how good my intentions are in correcting their opinions, the receiver of the message could feel bad because it could mean that they are wrong, and that I am telling them that they are wrong. The real intention of the message, which is to share what I know of the topic, is taken as a negative hint for the correction of their errors. Even if that was never the message that I want to give, the inaccurate interpretation creates a negative impact upon my relationship with the receiver (Tannen 11-3). The second issue is the need always to prove myself right. It is said that the two drivers of interpersonal communication between or among people who are close to each other are the need for connection and control (Tannen 11). When my parents try to make me see things through their eyes, it is possible that they want to form a connection with me --- parent to child. However, it is also very possible that I am misinterpreting it as a need for control --- that because they are my parents, they want to control my thoughts. Similarly, it is also possible that every time I try to prove my point, they are interpreting it as a form of rebellion, or perhaps even a desire to control the conversation topic. I have to admit the possibility of such despite my true intention of just forming a connection with them and making them see things through my eyes. In this case, both parties are not able to recognize the good intentions of the other due to the distorted interpretation of the underlying messages within the communication attempt. One must remember that there are times when the meta-messages weigh more than the spoken words. While the same conversation may appear to be a mere healthy debate between two parties who are not that close, it could appear critical if the communicating parties are close to each other. Thus, my relationship with the receiver of the message plays an important role on how the receiver will interpret the message. The third issue is about my sense of humor that does not seem to suit the taste of some people who are close to me. It is said that sometimes, it is hard to interpret the meta-messages because the sender may intentionally (or unintentionally) create a meta-message, or the receiver may imagine a meta-message. This complicates the process of interpretation, thus, it is important that individuals always pay attention to what they say and how they interpret the message that they receive. There is a possibility that the people who get extra sensitive at my jokes may be interpreting what I say based on their own take on the messages (Reich 153). With the possibility of the sender unintentionally creating meta-messages and the receiver imagining the meta-messages, it is now clear to me that there is a good chance of my humor being taken as sarcasm or irony (Branco and Valsiner 37). Application Since I am interested in improving my relationships with my family and friends, I am eager to apply the concept of careful interpretation and careful sending of messages. I must be aware that not all people interpret and see things similarly, and the differences in how each individual processes messages can sometimes produce distorted interpretations of messages. Whenever I see myself as unsure on how to interpret their message, before reacting based on my usual reaction, I stop for a while and evaluate the different aspects of the message. I am more open now in clarifying things if I am unsure because instead of just talking to express, my main intention in communicating is to be understood and to understand. Results The simplest effort of showing a vulnerable side, such as saying, “I want to understand what you said. Kindly elaborate.” gains positive reaction from others. They are more than willing to explain themselves so that they are better understood. In return, they do the same with me. Instead of merely reacting to what I say, they sometimes ask me to explain what I mean first, so that they are sure they understand what I want to say. When I began to acknowledge the power of these words, other people were more willing to give consideration. Future Plans The biggest lesson I learned from this self-analysis is the simple wisdom of active listening. Sometimes, we hear words but we do not listen. Listening involves not only the ears, but also the whole attention (Petersen 28). This is perhaps the reason why people were made with two ears and one mouth. Works Cited Branco, Angela U, and Jaan Valsiner. Communication and Metacommunication in Human Development. Greenwich, Conn: Information Age, 2005. Print. Noller, Patricia, and Mary A. Fitzpatrick. Communication in Family Relationships. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1993. Print. Petersen, J. (2007). Why don't we listen better?: Communicating & connecting in relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications. Reich, Nina M. "Review: I Only Say This Because I Love You." Journal of Family Communication. 2.3 (2002): 153-155. Print. Tannen, Deborah. I Only Say This Because I Love You: How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives. New York: Ballantine Books, 2002. Print. Read More