The Concept f Marriage according to Bible - Term Paper Example

TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction 2. Body a. Background i. New Testament vs. Old Testament ii. What is adultery b. Marriage i. What is marriage ii. Reasons for marriage iii. Adultery and punishment c. Myths about the adultery d. Preventing adultery i. Needs of wife ii. Needs of husband 3. Conclusion 4. Bibliography The Holy Bible does not have a prohibition against singles sex, however, the adultery is much more complex. One of the commandments says that nobody should commit the adultery. Today adultery is the serious social problems - many families are destroyed because the spouse has committed an adultery. The causes that forced a married person to commit adultery might be numerous, however, the problem is simple enough - the person did not manage to control his emotions and desires. According to Bible, adultery is the sin and the cheated spouse has the legal and ethical basis to divorce this person. However, at the same time, the Bible teaches to forgive and give a second chance to the person who has done a mistake but repents. The concept of marriage is based on mutual understanding and respect, love and sexual relations, and adultery destroys the ties between two married people. Therefore, what exactly does Bible say about adultery in marriage Background New Testament vs. Old Testament At the times of Old Testament, the rule of not committing adultery has applied only to men who had sex with somebody's wife. The married man could have sexual relations with the single woman, while married women were considered the property of their husbands. Girls married at the age of 14, died at the age of 30 and marriage as the social unit has been important in terms of childbirth. Because women were considered the property, adultery was like the violation of the men's property rights. Adultery has been a sin for women, while polygamy when could have many wives were acceptable. For example, Solomon has 1000 wives and God rebuked him not for polygamy but for the fact that many of his wives were not Hebrew. Similar to Solomon, David had 24 wives but has been accused in adultery for having sex with the married woman. The teachings of New Testament are different - the man is supposed to have one wife. As Apostle Paul has taught Timothy, the men have to be husbands of one wife (1 Tim. 3:2; Tit. 1:6). According to Biblical writings, when the man has sex with the woman who is not his wife, he has sinned. The sinfulness of female adultery is not as easy to trace in Bible. For example, if the married woman had sexual intercourse with the man who was not her husband, she has sinned against her husband. If the single woman committed the adultery, she has sinned against her father. The punishment for adultery was very severe - the woman caught in adultery was stoned to death. What is adultery From Christian perspective, adultery is the willful and harmful violation of the honesty of the marriage. The Emperor Constantine who lived in 300 AD and was one of the most important converts to Christianity has introduced the concept of sinful sex. He believed and taught others that sex was sinful even within the marriage unless the purpose was a conception. This rule can be explained in terms of high infancy mortality rate and the need for more children. If the person has sinned he had to come to the Church for repentance and make a donation as the demonstration of his faith. A lot has changed since those times but adultery has remained a sin. It is not an easy task to advise what should be done if the spouse has committed an adultery. The family can be preserved; however, the spiritual unity will be lost. Probably, the divorce is the most appropriate solution if the adultery has been committed. Human sexuality is considered the natural gift from God. The sex becomes the sin if the parties involved are not functioning within Christian love and marriage guidelines. This is what Jesus has told about adultery in Matthew 5:27-30: "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." The above passage clearly states that adultery is not only a physical intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married, adultery starts before the act itself. Adultery begins in thoughts. Lets consider an example. John is married for two years to Maria. Maria goes on the business trip for two weeks and during this time their neighbor Nina who is very beautiful decides that John should be with her. She does everything to get John's attention. John likes Nina but he loves his wife. One day before Maria will return, Nina invites John for dinner and he agrees and in he sees that Nina has a clean house, can cook delicious food and is very beautiful. The idea appears in his mind that Nina is a wonderful woman. When John decides to leave, Nina asks him to leave. John hesitates but leaves because he is the Christian and loves his wife. One would say that there was no adultery in this example. No, John has committed adultery in his mind when he was hesitating. The concept of seduction is very important in understanding marriage and the harm caused by adultery. As Christians, people need to follow the mission of Jesus and not to be distracted by worldly things such as sex or alcohol. Sex promises the excitement and immediate gratification. "Spending energy on illicit sex will drag you down physically, emotionally, and spiritually1." People need to be sexually pure in thought and in behavior. As Carlini has noted, sex is powerful and has the purpose to bound man and woman together physically, spiritually and emotionally2. It has the power to destroy lives as well as create a new life. Marriage What is marriage It has been noted that adultery can destroy marriage. In order to understand why adultery is not acceptable, it is necessary to understand the meaning of marriage. The concept of marriage is older than Bible and marriage as we perceive it today was formed by two traditions - Christianity and Enlightenment. Each of these traditions has contributed a variety of familiar ethical ideas and institutions--some overlapping, some conflicting3. Marriage can be viewed from four perspectives4: Marriage is a contract, formed by the mutual consent of the marital couple, and subject to their wills and preferences. Marriage is a spiritual association, subject to the creed, code, cult, and canons of the religious community. Marriage is a social estate, subject to special state laws of property, inheritance, and evidence, and to the expectations and exactions of the local community. And marriage is a natural institution, subject to the natural laws taught by reason and conscience, nature and custom. Reasons for marriage Bible outlines several reasons why a man and a woman should marry. Marriage is the solution to loneliness5. As it is written in Gen 2.18: "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him". Marriage is necessary to help each other through life6: Eccl 4.9-12: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. However, pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! In addition, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. However, how can one keep warm alone Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." In addition, marriage helps both man and woman to avoid sexual immorality7: 1 Cor 7.2: "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come back together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." Finally, marriage is like the tool to receive grace together8: 1 Pet 3.7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Note: Your prayers will be more effective as two than as one: "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Adultery and punishment Christianity is about love and forgiveness and if the husband or the wife has committed an adultery it is necessary to give forgiveness. There are no punishment guidelines found in the Bible because Jesus has taught people not to judge others. Adultery is the inner problem of the family and should be solved without getting public. If the cheated spouse forgives and believes that he/she is able to live further under one roof with this person, Christianity approves it. However, adultery is the sin and the Bible justifies the divorce is one of the spouses has committed an adultery. Nobody is protected from making mistakes but the face in Jesus Christ helps people to avoid mistakes and make the right choices. Not all of the religions have the same attitude to adultery. For example, in Nigeria two Muslim women were sentenced to death for committed an adultery. The global society is convinced that this sentence in discriminatory and unconstitutional. But as one of the Muslim governors has noted "Nobody has the right or power to stop us from doing it9". Both Muslim women were convicted largely on the evidence that they were pregnant and unmarried. Local and international human rights and Christian groups had championed her case for six months. Husseini (35 yeatrs) had faced a sentence of death by stoning. Lawal Kurami, remains in jeopardy. The court has ruled that the other defendant Amina (22 years) could breastfeed her baby for eight months before she would be executed10. Stoning as the punishment for adultery seems very cruel for modern-day Christians and not a single court in non-Muslim world will be able to execute similar sentence. Of course, according to Christian principles, the woman who is not married and is pregnant has committee an adulterous sin. However, Christianity gives the opportunity to repent and receive forgiveness. In the above case of two Muslim women nobody has investigated how those women got pregnant. It is possible that they were raped and decided not to kill the child. If such situation would take place in Christian world this woman would be praised for her decision and faith in God. Therefore, the punishment for adultery is not as severe as in Muslim world and is more spiritual rather than physical. The person who commits adultery risks of losing everything in his life: love, family, respect, understanding and, of course, faith. Myths about Adultery Approximately eight out of ten people disapprove adultery. And even thought the society in its majority believes that adultery is wrong, there are several myths about it which people use to justify their actions. The first myth is that adultery is about se. Being beautiful or sensual is not the case in not the major issue. People tend to use non-sexual reasons to justify their actions. Each of us has heard the comments like what did he find in her and it means that the need for sex is not the reason for adultery. Of course, there are situations when sexual life in the marriage is limited and does not meet the needs of one of the partners, however, the Bible says that sexual bonds are less important compared to the spiritual connection. Society looks down on alcoholics as having weak character whose addiction is perceived as a disease. There is a growing evidenced that the adulterous behavior in parents has the reflection on children, just like the divorce in the family influences the child's decision to divorce in the future. Many of the women's magazines promote extra-marital affairs as the method to revive the dull marriage. Such assumption is also false. The affair outside the marriage can make the person a better lover, help to overcome the mid-life crisis, bring more joy but sexual affairs cannot bring love. It is worth to note that adultery results in divorce in 65 percent of the time11. Today the society as well as church has become softer on the issue of adultery. Adultery is even promoted - in movies, magazine articles and TV shows. However, those who commit adultery are selfish, they do not think about the pain they can bring to their spouses and children. Adultery shatters trust, self-esteem and intimacy, it breaks families and can even ruin the career. In addition, adulterous mates deprive their spouses of energy and intimacy that should go into the marriage. If the spouse is considering to commit adultery, he/she should remember that the adultery leads to divorce in 65 percent. However, Christianity is the religion of love and forgiveness and people should ask for counsel. When the couple is faced with adultery, the decision is mostly based on negative emotions such as jealousy and offense. Outside advice can help the marriage to survive and overcome the consequences of adultery. Adultery does not have to end with divorce. Preventing Adultery Needs of wife Instead of dealing with consequences of adultery, it is more effective to prevent adultery. It has been noticed that the families in which the needs of the wife are not met, the adultery is more common. It is worth to tone, that the failure to meet the needs of each other is due to the lack of knowledge rather than selfish not desiring to consider. Meeting the needs of each other is vital because if the needs are not met, the spouse will look for the need satisfaction in outside affairs. The first need is affection - for women affection means security and comfort in family. Men often fail to understand how important is affection to wives. Affection can be expressed in different forms: hugging, kissing, flowers, dinners out and small cars. The second need is conversation. Any family is based on communication and mutual understanding between a wife and a husband. Women want to be talked to and listened to. Before the wedding couples spent most of the time showing affection and talking to each other, while after the wedding men tend to forget about this need. The next need is honesty - that is why adultery is much more painful for women (the fact that the man has lied is more important than the actual sexual intercourse). The wife wants to trust her husband in everything because he is the head of household. In order to trust, the information sharing should become a habit. Financial commitment is equally important - women need financial support to live comfortably. No matter how much the woman earns, she wants her husband to be the feeder of the family. The final need is the family commitment. The majority of women when deciding whom to marry consider whether her husband will be a good father and have the family commitment. Despite of all feministic movements, each woman wants to be cared for and feel secure behind the vast husband's back. Needs of a husband Needs of the husband are not much different from wife's. For example, if wife has a deep need for affection, husbands have a deep need for sexual fulfillment. Both affection ad sexual relations are the major ingredients of the happy marriage. In addition, husbands want to see that their wives are their playmates. Women should share the interests of men and should sometimes watch football with them even though they hate it. In this way a wife shows her respect to husband and husband, in reply, shows more affective. Thus, the formula of the happy marriage is very easy - being more tolerant to each other. Not a single man will look for outside affair is he has domestic support. This need is so strong that man men often dream about how their wives greet them lovingly at the door, how well-behaved children are glad to see him. These dreams are easy to fulfill and every wife can do it. Man, as the traditional leader in the family, wants to be admired. Wives need to learn how to express their admiration instead of pressing for greater achievement. In conclusion, it is not very hard to create the happy family. However, this is the time-consuming process requiring commitment of both a wife and a husband. If adultery has took place, the family can overcome the crisis. Everybody can make mistakes and when emotions cool down, the couple needs to ask for outside advise, analyze what has caused the spouse to have affair and decide whether they can live together further. Understanding the needs of each other and their fulfillment might prevent the adultery and create the strong loving family ties. BIBLIOGRAPHY Boys, Don. "Christian Education and the Search for Morality." USA Today 123, no. 2592 (September 1994): 71+. Carlini, John. "A Marriage Proposal. Choosing worldliness over godliness is as disastrous as choosing the wring spouse." http://www.devonchurch.org/sermons/textproverbs/pages/20050102.html (accessed 1 May 2006). "God's word to young men and women. Marriage, Divorce and Adultery." http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/rossuk/marriage.htm (accessed 1 May 2006). Gorman, Michael. "How Christian understanding about marriage has changed-and stayed the same-through history." Christianity Today (14 December 1992): 14. Minchakpu, Obed. "Where Adultery Means Death." Christianity Today 46, no. 6 (May 2002): 34. Witte, John. "The Meanings of Marriage." First Things: A Monthly Journal of Religion and Public Life (October 1986): 30+. Read More