The Basis for Biblical Divorce - Research Paper Example

Page The Basis for Biblical Divorce God acts as a good parent to Christians: he made a handful of rules, d them clearly, and enforces themwithout equivocation. As his children, he allows us the right to split hairs, whine, argue, and perhaps even slam the door if we so choose. The rules, however, don’t change in response to our temper tantrums and questioning; he leaves it up to us to learn why the rules are there and to live according to them. He doesn’t discourage questioning, but had provided us with a way to answer our questions. As a good parent, God has also made the rules apply to everyone equally without distinction: “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26-28). Once a person is a believer, there are no distinctions or special dispensations; no excuses. There are, however, levels of moral law1 which must be applied to any and all situations humans encounter in life. After maneuvering through the hierarchical layers, close analysis of biblical permissions for divorce are: fornication and adultery; life-threatening neglect of basic essentials such as food, clothing and shelter; non-fulfillment of marital sexual obligations; mental or physical abuse; departure of the non-believing spouse; and permanent separation despite attempts at reconciliation.2 If any or all of these conditions are met, the spouses are released from the marriage bond and thus free to remarry without committing adultery. The marriage bond is sacred, but it is not absolute. Biblical law was set up to guide sinners from sin to redemption, and there is always room inside the law for the sinner to return to a state of grace. However, we are by nature prone to sin, so the laws clearly address certain instances in which avoiding the sin of dissolving the marital contract would cause us to commit another sin such as putting ourselves in danger or choosing to remain married to a sinner.3 Neither of these is a good alternative, so the law allows for marriage dissolution. The Marriage Contract Before we can discuss the dissolution of the marriage contract, it is helpful to understand what is implied by the marriage contract to start (which provisions are included in the “standard” contract and which are added on as addenda during our human interactions). The standard contract is straightforward. A man and a woman join in marriage and become one flesh, and are to love and honor each other in the same way they love and honor God. Since there are multiple instructions on how to love and honor God throughout the Scriptures, the simplicity of the marriage rule is not open to interpretation; the parameters are laid out. Our human interpretation of the marriage contract is slightly more complex. Food, clothing, and sufficient shelter are a given, but we ask emotional and mental investments from our marriage partners as well. The ultimate goal is to be happy; often when husbands and wives consider getting divorced, the first thing they tell their counselor is, “I’m so unhappy.” Nowhere in the Old or New Testaments is the word “happiness” mentioned in relation to relationships between men and women. God promises much joy for those who live in righteousness, and since he has made this promise it could be assumed that married people, who should hold the marriage relationship in the same esteem as they do their relationship with God, will also experience joy in the relationship. Joy is the happy by-product of leading a righteous life. But husbands and wives are not proscribed to make each other happy as part of the marriage contract. Husbands are commanded to love their wives in the manner of Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25), to not be bitter (Colossians 3:19), and to provide (Exodus 21:10); wives are commanded to subject themselves to their husbands (1 Peter 3:1), to submit to their husbands in the same manner they submit to God (Ephesians 5:22), and to serve as good examples and take care of the family and household (1 Timothy 5:14). Both husbands and wives are told to be nice to each other: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). Happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment aren’t mentioned; we added those onto the contract and now require those things not only from our spouses, but from all our interactions. “Happiness” is an emotional state which is usually projected from inside a person onto the outside world. Satisfaction and fulfillment are also emotional states, but are more directly linked with circumstances in our lives, and when used in reference to marriage relationships are often understood to mean sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. God recognizes the human biological need for sex, and he encourages us to marry to avoid sin: “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). The “duties of marriage” include sexual relations within the marriage, but how much? When? What kind? Why? When humans approach sexual intimacy in terms of quantity and not quality we lead ourselves astray and begin to think we are unfulfilled, which leads us to think perhaps we should look elsewhere (outside the marriage relationship) for that esoteric fulfillment. God has reserved his opinion on the matter of quantity and speaks only to quality, namely fidelity and infidelity. And infidelity is at the top of the list of reasons for a biblical divorce. The Old Testament laws regarding divorce say that a man can divorce his wife if he finds her to be unclean (Deuteronomy 24:1), which according to Jewish law can mean a whole range of uncleanness. The New Testament has a much clearer definition of reason for divorce: “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery” (Matthew 5:32). This verse comes among many other verses in Matthew that specifically address Old Testament rules and subsequent interpretations of them by the Jews, and clear up some of those interpretations, and in some instances set aside old law in favor of new law. Fornication thus becomes the primary grounds for a biblical divorce. The other various grounds for divorce also remain in effect since they are not directly contradicted in these passages.4 There are conflicting messages when comparing Matthew to other passages that address the question of divorce (if the verses are taken out of context). The first verse, Matthew 5:32, was mentioned earlier, and the second verse, 19:9, reiterates 5:32 in a different setting. The parallel text is in Luke 16:18. (In fact, if a man divorces his wife, he causes her to commit adultery, even if no remarriage is involved. Causing another person to sin is a powerful sin of itself.) It would seem clear (out of context) that divorced people cannot remarry without committing adultery. Paul’s advice in 1 Corinthians is sometimes cited as support5 for Christ’s mandate in Matthew and Luke: “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife” (7:27). The next verse tells us to not take the first out of context, however: “But and if thou marry, thou has not sinned” (7:28). Translated into modern concepts, Paul is saying, Don’t get divorced, don’t get married, BUT if you choose to do either within the bounds of biblical law, you have not sinned in God’s eyes. Remarriage after Divorce Assuming that a person obtains a biblical divorce on good grounds, what happens to his or her status afterwards? If the bonds of marriage have truly been dissolved, the person should become “single” again in God’s eyes, as though he or she was never married. Context is important to reaching reasonable conclusions about what the writers of the Bible meant when they wrote what they wrote. We must not forget these quotes of Christ’s teaching were spoken by someone living in a culture of permissive divorce, and written down by followers who lived in constant fear of persecution, and compiled by editors who finalized the New Testament’s table of contents several generations later.6 New Testament law cannot be absolutely separated from Old Testament law, nor does Christ advocate completely doing away with the moral codes established in Judaism. Since we are presented with a whole book from which to draw our moral code, we must examine the whole book, pay attention to its consistencies, and seek out meaning without inserting words into the writers’ mouths. Remarriage is permissible, if the parties marrying are completely freed of their former marriage bonds. If they are not free (i.e., have divorced under trivial circumstances) and they remarry, they commit adultery. How a Christian Counselor Can Approach the Question of Divorce Divorce has been a part of human relationships since ancient times, and has become much more prevalent since the advent of legal marriage in addition to church-sanctioned marriage. It seems that “everybody is doing it,” so the Christian counselor must tread carefully when confronted with an unhappy couple. Divorce on the grounds of neglect of support or domestic violence or outright fornication are fairly obvious, though seeking the counsel of other Christians before seeking a divorce, and attempting to reconcile with the offending spouse are necessary steps before dissolving the marriage contract. The more interesting grounds for divorce are those involving an unbelieving spouse, because those grounds are much more rooted in our human nature and human interpretations than obvious transgressions. Unhappy spouses may attempt to justify their desire for divorce by saying that their spouse is not following through with the rules set forth in the Scriptures, thus he or she is not a true believer. By the same token, if a believing spouse refuses to reconcile, as Paul directs in 1 Corinthians 7:11, he or she could be guilty of disobeying the commandment to remain together and reconcile if there is a split;7 thus, the irreconcilable spouse could be termed an unbeliever and give just cause for divorce. A Christian counselor can spot accusations of unbelief from one spouse to another by listening for justifications based on out-of-context biblical verses. For instance, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25) could be followed by, “Well, if he really loved me, he would…” Such “proof-texting” allows individuals to prove any point they would like to make, while ignoring contrary passages or opinions.8 Counselors must be careful to find the root of the dispute, from both spouses’ perspectives; always returning to what the Bible has to say on all issues raised, and being careful to not interpret verses too literally or too broadly.9 A close look at the circumstances of the split may reveal that the expectations of one spouse for another are actually unrealistic: while we could broadly construe that the marriage contract includes the husband providing food for his wife and family, that rule does not translate to the husband must take his wife out to dinner. By the same token, the wife is to support and honor her husband; that rule does not translate to supporting him in destructive habits such as being an active alcoholic. The Bible allows for dissolution of the marriage bond, but not over trivial matters.10 Unmet expectations for happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment are trivial matters, though they loom very large to an unhappy couple. Reconciliation with Faith Perhaps it can be proven from a biblical perspective that a biblical divorce is justified. The Scriptures do allow for divorce under certain circumstances, none of which could be considered trivial. Divorce is still a break, and no matter the justification, faith can be shaken. How one’s fellowship of believers—and the Christian counselor—help the divorced person through the break can either heal or hinder healing. Basically, God’s plan for humans is to remain steadfast in belief, and to help those who falter to come back to belief. A husband who cheats is not automatically condemned as an unbeliever; we are encouraged to help him to return to the state of grace in which he no longer sins.11,12 It is the duty of anyone who comes in contact with a sinner to show him the way back, and thus of course it is one of the wife’s duties to help her husband. Likewise if a wife commits fornication, the husband should help her back to a state of grace. But the New Testament allows us to try our best and then let the unbeliever go, if that’s what he or she chooses to do: “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). In other words, if your spouse is determined to go no matter the cost, then you must let him or her go, and you are released from the bonds of marriage. The contract is broken. Once the departure takes place, it is within biblical bounds to divorce, with the caveat that the spouses make every effort within biblical law to reconcile. If the reconciliation requires the believing spouse to accept a situation which is addressed in God’s law (such as continued infidelity, abuse, violence, or other deliberate sin on the part of the reconciled spouse), the reconciliation cannot happen and still maintain the covenant with God. If the departing or unbelieving spouse does make amends with God and his spouse, then the reconciliation can take place. Concluding Remarks We are blessed in so many ways to live in a time when medicine extends our life expectancies, psychology helps us to understand the workings of our minds and brains, and technology links us with loved ones and strangers. We look at ourselves and our relationships in far different ways than the people who lived at the various times the Bible was written down. We demand more of our married relationships—happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment. And, we fall into the trap of believing these things should be provided in our marriages, just as married people should protect one another and provide proper food, clothing and shelter. We now live in a time when our culture is filled edge to edge with distinctions, special dispensations, and excuses. In modern nations, because our bodies are freed from worry about starvation and most of us live in decent homes with decent clothes, our minds are free to range over philosophy and inner contemplation. We have time to think. This time to think is a gift and a blessing, but it is seductive and can lead us astray from the basic rules of how to lead a good life. We have convinced ourselves that beyond food, clothing, and shelter, we also need happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment. As a culture, we don’t even know what those things really are, just that we need them, desperately. Because we think we need those things, we search for them in our relationships (marriage and family) and in our communities (which now encompass the globe through technology). It’s as easy as turning on the television and seeing a vision of someone being happy, and we want that for ourselves. We even pray for happiness, as though our father should grant us this esoteric emotional state. A counselor’s job is to help the splitting couple set aside trivial matters, if that is what is causing the split, and concentrate on the important provisions in the law that do allow for a biblical divorce. If the important provisions are lacking, then the counselor must conclude that a biblical divorce is not possible. If the important provisions are there, it is the task of the counselor to help the couple reconcile, if at all possible. The Scripture must remain the foundation of counseling, serving as the guide that answers all our questions. References Caw, Jr., Frank L. “Biblical Divorce and Remarriage,” 1 September 2004; available from http://www.frankcaw.com/divorce-print.html; Internet; accessed 28 April 2009. Instone-Brewer, David. Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eardmans, 2002. Lim, Johnson. “Divorce and Remarriage in Theological and Contemporary Perspectives.” Asia Journal of Theology 20, no. 2 (October 2006): 271-284. Accessed 1 May 2009 from Academic Search Premier EBSCO host. Read More