Why Dont We Listen Better by Petersen - Book Report/Review Example

Psychology review of the book “Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships” written by Petersen, J. C. s Institution Abstract Nowadays people face a lot of difficulties in the sphere of communication and relationships with each other. The reasons of these difficulties are unknown for those, who have troubles in understanding of others. It brings people a feeling of discomfort and causes the most undesirable state – loneliness. The book of J. C. Petersen contains the information, concerning the problems, which people face in their everyday life. It is a guide for those, who want to understand others better and fix out the relationships with close people. The aim of this work is to analyze the book of J. C. Peterson, taking his advice and experience as the example for the personal consideration, comparing and development. The paper consists of 4 basic parts and contains the experience of the practical application of methods, described by J. C. Peterson. Summary This part of the essay represents the summary of the book “Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships” written by Petersen, J. C. The book represents the ideas and methods of how to become a good listener. The author divided the content of the book into five main parts. At the beginning of the book, Peterson describes the importance of communication in the life of a person, how communication is influenced by the human emotions, the differentiation of the surrounding people and their aims and so forth. He divides communication into three main areas, associating it with different parts of the body, particularly, stomach, heart and head. Each of them characterizes different stage of communication. Stomach is the representation of the emotions and feelings of the individual, heart – arising possibilities, head – the logical process of thinking. Peterson pays special attention to the roles, which people play in the process of communication. Sometimes people are too concentrated on their own ideas, which cause troubles for the process of talking. The author explains how the misconception in the process of discussion can influence people’s relations. Petersen, as the example, uses a card method, which makes the talker and the listener take turns in their conversation, training the abilities of both sides to listen and respond in a reserved manner. The author also concentrates on the process of thinking while communication and interaction of the individuals. He describes the skills, which are necessary for the use of TLC. The author corrects some typical mistakes, which usually arise in conversations and make other side of discussion confused. He informs the reader about some useful listening techniques. Further, Peterson provides different types of group practice of his techniques. The author uses various auditories for practice: families, couples and so forth. The book summarizes the ways of how to overcome the difficulties in the process of communication and normalize the relationships between people. Respond Some parts of the book reveal my personal experience of communication. For example, I have never thought that I talk too much, but now I begin to consider this issue. The book reminded me about one story, which happened several months ago. I quarreled with my best friend and was very sorry about it. I thought about the situation over and over, trying to figure out who was wrong or right and whose blame was bigger. These questions were of no great importance. However, I experienced negative emotions and that is why it seemed like the problem stunned in my head. My other friend called me and suggested to go for a walk, which was a good opportunity for me to improve my mood. His simple question “How are you” gave me the opportunity to talk about the problem, which I experienced and it was really necessary for me at that moment. I have been talking for about twenty minutes. We agreed to meet near the café. However I was so concentrated on my talking that I missed the name of the place, we had agreed to meet at. This is what Peterson calls “ritual listening trap”. I remembered, that my friend told me about it over the telephone, the last phrase was “see you, meet me at…street, but my head was so confused with my own thoughts, that I had completely forgot about it. We were supposed to meet at some part of the street, somewhere, the fact that I had completely missed. I called my friend, but he had already left his home. Fortunately, people invented mobile phones. This story did not have a bad end, I called my friend once again and specified on the place and nothing wrong happened. However, it is a great example of how we can miss the important information, because of our inattentiveness and egocentric character. Reflection After reading the book of Dr. Peterson, I found out the method, which was both surprising, but at the same time, very useful for me. This is the method of “flat brain”. Emotions often prevent people from understanding each other. This is the main stage, which every person must overcome for the successful communication. Unfortunately, I couldn’t apply it in my own practice earlier, for example, as in the situation, which I described in the chapter “respond”. Among the listening techniques, I liked “repeat accurately” most of all. In my life I faced many situations, when in the process of talking about something I missed the questions or statements of my partner. This game helps to develop the skills of memory and its ability to catch the last data of the speech, which is usually the most important part of it. Applying this method on practice, I will manage to increase the ability of my memory to catch the necessary information even at the moment of speech. In this book I also faced TLC for the first time. The system seems very helpful for my personal practice. In this case it is better to apply firstly the method of “flat brain” and then TLC. The systematic approach of coping with the emotions and accepting both “listener’s” and “talker’s” position made me have a fresh look on my communicative nature. In the center of such conversation are put two people, who have equal rights to speak and respond, the most important here is to keep the rules of the conversation and control your desire to return to the previous position. The aim of this exercise is to teach a person to respect his partner in the process of speaking. Actions The most important thing after the reading of the book is the application of its theory on practice. However, it is also the most difficult part of it. The book of Peterson inspired me for the further correction of my communication skills. Earlier I was concentrated only on my own opinion and a lot of my conversations more looked like a competition. The more words I talked the better I felt. However, now my opinion as for this issue has changed. Peterson teaches that the opinion of your partner is no less important that your own one. Besides, one should always give another side an opportunity to express it and explain what he means. Chapter eighteen contains a useful methods for the improvement of listening ability which will be very interesting for my further practice. These skills are very important for me as I want to apply them in my future profession. Another meaningful feature concerns the clearness of my thoughts at the moment of speaking. Peterson concentrates on the fact that it is not so important what you think, the most important is what you say. Sometimes, people face situations, when they want to express their opinion, but do it in a quite confusing and unclear way. It happens because they try to speak and think simultaneously. However, Peterson teaches us to clarify our thoughts before speaking. Concluding this article, I would like to state that I consider this book as one of the best psychological documents. The book had a great impression on me and encouraged me to improve my communication skills. References Peterson, J. C. 2007. Psychology review of the book “Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships”. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications Read More