Dating and the Single Parent in 2012 - Book Report/Review Example

Dating and the Single Parent in 2012 Ron L. Deal wrote the book, Dating and the Single Parent in 2012. He uses an approachable manner to present his views to couples, single parents, and divorced persons with intentions to marry, remarry, or start dating. The author notes that single parents who are dating or want to begin always wonder how dating will affect their children and their parenting role. This emanates from the fact that dating is wonderful and equally complicated. Deal seeks to help the single parents and their potential partners on how to date and avoid the demerits involved. His perspective on when single parents should start dating and how dating can derive sadness or blessing aims at strengthening families. Ideally, dating and remarrying are not favorable options for divorced persons with children and such persons should focus on raising the children. However, Mr. Deal observes that many single parents opt to remarry or start dating as soon as possible without considering the demerits of such actions. The author reckons that dating and remarrying gets complicated when parties have children. Conveniently, the book derives the steps that single parents and their partners should adopt in order to prepare themselves and their children on the eminent effects of dating or remarrying. Indeed, the author details the emotional challenges of dating with children. In this context, the author derives how single parents and divorced persons can determine if they are ready for dating, address children fears, and identify danger signals in a relationship. He also informs individuals on the possible effects of dating single parents and the correct timing of starting interactions with the children. Ultimately, the book discusses the considerations before an engagement to a single parent and the preparations for stepfamily life. The first section of the book entails relevant information that helps single parents to ascertain whether they are ready to date. To this effect, Mr. Deal compares divorce with death where he asserts that individuals take many years to recover from the reality of a divorce. Many divorcees always prioritize the idea of wanting somebody in their lives where they develop a belief that they have a healthy mind to accommodate another person in their lives. However, the author questions whether such persons are ready for dating or remarrying. Consequently, he offers different real case scenarios and indicators that can help single parents to evaluate their readiness to add another person to their families. He notes that such a decision involves children who may not be ready for such a relationship even if the single parent feels ready. In fact, he asserts that the new relationship is doomed to fail if the children are not emotionally ready to accommodate a stepparent in their lives. Indeed, he defines the fears that children manifest when their parent starts to date. This defines the complexities involved in dating single parents with children. The book states that individuals ought to refer to past dating patterns with an aim of establishing their maturity and lessons derived from such relationships (Deal, 2012, p. 33). The author equally develops invaluable strategies that would help single parents and their partners to prepare themselves and their children for dating after evaluating their readiness for such relationships. Mr. Deal recognizes the need for individuals to have a purpose in dating where such a purpose should prioritize God. Indeed, the author discusses the selfishness among parties involved in dating. Many people date for variant personal reasons that may include the need for love, companionship, or security which do not consider the effects of the relationship on the children. The author notes that persons dating a single parent or a divorced person will definitely influence the children in many ways and such influence may be eternal and hence the need for couples to share similar spiritual beliefs (Deal, 2012, p. 31). To this effect, the author presents various activities that dating couples can practice without giving in to sexual temptations as well as the need and method of seeking mentorship in case of eminent temptations. Mr. Deal concludes this section with bible verses that define sexual purity in relationships. In another section, the author advices single parents on the right places to find love. Indeed, in chapter 7, the author defines and details various places where single parents can source true love. In this context, Mr. Deal discusses various danger signs that a potential partner can possess and highlights individuals that pose a great risk to a potential relationship. With this information, the author defines when a single parent can consider it wise to start dating. Ultimately, the book offers critical advice on marriage commitment and stepfamily preparation. In this case, Mr. Deal asserts that forming a stable relationship from single parents with children is a tricky affair that individuals should avoid unless they are ready. He notes that integration and cohesion in such a relationship might take years and hence single parents should get to know one another better before dating or remarrying. The Potential for Its Use for Christian Premarital Couples Notably, this book would be valuable to premarital couples in the church. Indeed, Christians are equally prone to challenges associated with relationships. Many Christians encounter numerous challenges while deciding to date or marry. These challenges relate to choosing the right partner, the spiritual backgrounds of the parties involved, and the requirements of a holy matrimony as described by God in the Bible. The modern world is alive to different spiritual faiths that hold different opinions and perspectives on the issue of dating or marriage. The Christian faith derives different directions and teachings on how premarital couples should interact, date, or remarry. Most assuredly, the Godly teachings on relationships have clear definitions on sexual purity in relationships. Indeed, sexual purity is one of the aspects that Christian premarital couples should seek. Notably, Mr. Deal equally addresses sexual purity in his book. Indeed, the author defines bible verses that define sexual purity in relationships for Christian premarital couples. The book recognizes the influence of persons dating single parents on children and single parents and hence it defines the need to date within God’s guidelines. Subject to the fact that this influence may be eternal, the book advocates for the need to have premarital couples sharing similar spiritual beliefs. The book notes the need to establish the beliefs of the partners in a relationship and trust in God to manage the relationship. Christian premarital couples will seek to answer these questions to establish a Christian-Godly-based relationship. This assertion will influence relationships established by premarital couples since they will seek to share Christian beliefs. Having shared the same spiritual beliefs, the Christian premarital couples are likely to engage in a relationship that will succeed. In fact, premarital couples professing similar Christian beliefs will practice various activities without giving in to sexual temptations as discussed by Mr. Deal through the bible verses that define sexual purity in relationships. The book offers a remedy to the Christian premarital couples in case they succumb to sexual temptations while dating. The book recognizes the need to seek mentorship, counseling, and guidance from relevant sources in case of temptations. Ideally, Christian premarital couples can seek these services from their pastors or spiritual leaders in case of sexual temptations during dating as they seek to achieve sexual purity in their relationship. The author derives the need for individuals to have a purpose in dating where such a purpose should prioritize God. This purpose is supreme to Christian premarital couples. Moreover, Christian premarital couples may also have children and hence the need to consider their interests, readiness, and opinions in case of dating. The idea and perspective of Mr. Deal are equally applicable to Christian premarital couples in that they also need to prepare and evaluate their readiness to start dating. The need to adopt invaluable strategies that would help single parents and their partners to prepare themselves and their children for dating apply to Christian premarital couples. Just as the book discusses, the Christian teachings equally allow premarital couples to remarry and hence the application of the book in such relationships. Critiquing Ideas in the Book from a Studied, Theological Perspective The author’s idea that the fears and interests of children are an important factor in dating is very true. This follows from the fact that just like adults, children have human rights. Theologically, a relationship involving single parents is likely to cause discord between the stepparent and the children. Indeed, the stepparent will influence the children in diverse ways. The children are likely to encounter maltreatment from the stepparent since they have no blood relationship. Various studies derive various factors that may lead to child maltreatment where such factors include parent or caregiver factors, family factors, child factors, and environmental factors. Single parenthood and relationships formed by single parents with children are some of the family factors that lead to child maltreatment (Goldman et al., 2003). As such, the author was correct in prioritizing children fears and interests in a dating involving a single parent with children. However, we have instances where children bled quickly and effectively with the stepparent thus eliminating the complexity of dating single parents with children. In fact, there are stepparents who treat their children well since they may have married the single parent with children due to their inability to have their own children. The author’s assertion that single parents seeking to date or remarry should consider people whom they share beliefs, values, and backgrounds is partly correct. Indeed, various studies establish that people who have similar beliefs, values, and backgrounds are more likely to have a successful relationship or marriage (Popenoe, 2014). In this case, single parent dating people with similar beliefs are more likely to establish stable relationships since they are more harmonious. This relates to the need for single parents to date people with similar spiritual beliefs. In fact, some spiritual beliefs forbid people from dating or marrying people from different beliefs. However, it is quite true that relationships between people from different beliefs and backgrounds exist. Indeed, the modern world is alive to the fact that people from different religions are intermarrying. While the book seems to assert that single parents still have a better chance of marrying or remarrying, some studies note that women who get children before marriage have a low chance of ever marrying despite the growing numbers of potential marriage partners with children (Popenoe, 2014). References Deal, R. (2012). Dating and the single parent. Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishing. Goldman, J., Salus, M. K., Wolcott, D., and Kennedy, K. Y. (2003). A Coordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect: The Foundation for Practice. Retrieved from: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/foundation/foundatione.cfm Popenoe, D. (2014). Ten Important Research Findings On Marriage. Retrieved from: http://www.foryourmarriage.org/ten-important-research-findings-on-marriage/ Read More