If Rape Were Legal - Book Report/Review Example

If Rape Were Legal If Rape Were Legal, is one of the stories that the psychologist Irvin D. Yolam wrote in hisbook Loves Executioner & Other tales of Psychotherapy. If rape Were Legal is a story that focuses on the relationship between Yolam and a cancer patient by the name of Carlos. Carlos had incurable lymphoma, and he is in his last stages. Yolam decided to send him to a group therapy led by a woman, as he was isolated and depressed in an effort to make the last months of his life bearable. His experience at the group meeting is the starting point of understanding his psychotherapy start and the story. At the group meeting, there is a lady who had been recently raped and the lady in charge wanted to encourage her to speak up. In so doing, she began to tell of her rape experience that happened in the past. Carlos gets infuriated by the two ladies who are telling their rape cases. He poses questions that are insensitive. Eventually, he says, “I think rape isnt a big deal. Come on. Didnt you enjoy it? If rape were legal, I would do it all the time...I would fuck everyone in sight” (59). When Yolam is informed of what happened in the meeting, he is infuriated and decides to confront him. At first, Carlos does not see the offense in what he said, and when he is confronted by Yolam, he says that he meant everything that he said. He also says, “All men are turned on by rape," and "If rape were legal, Id do it -- once in a while” (59). Yolam realizes that Carlos meant what he says that those were probably his beliefs that he held onto. He decides to change the tactic of making him see the absurdity of his perspective by bringing in the subject of his teenage children into the subject. His children are the only ones that he truly has a close relationship with. Yolam asks him if he would wish for his daughters to live in a community where rape is legalized, and this becomes the turning point for Carlos on the issue of rape. Carlos says that he would never want his daughter to be raped even if it were legal. He would prefer that she gets into a loving relationship with a man and have a loving family. Yalom then asks him how that will be possible if he is advocating for a society where rape is legal. Additionally, Yalom points out to him that he it is his duty to construct a loving world where he wishes his daughter to live, and the starting point would be his behavior. Eventually, Carlos’s position changes on the issue of rape and he is able to rejoin the therapy group and even become friends with the woman whom he had offended. The interaction between Carlos and Yolam is psychotherapy related whereby Carlos is Yolam’s patient. When Yolam realizes that Carlos leads a somewhat lonely life, he sends him to a group therapy. Had he not been sent to the therapy, his behavior towards rape would not have been discovered, and the underlying causes would probably have been ignored. Yolam discovers that Carlos gets his self-value, self-esteem from his virility. Since it is failing him, he is frustrated that when he is at the group therapy, the ladies do not acknowledge his presence and the fact that he is dying. Through rational emotional behavioral therapy, Yolam discovers that his failing sense of virility is why he lashes out at them. He does it to assert his sense of self-worth as a man. He also feels that since he is the one who is sick, he should be the one to whom the attention and care are directed. He wonders why the ladies who do not have medical conditions feel as though they need to be cared for. For instance, he strongly believes that everyone must treat him fairly, considerably and nicely at all times, and failure to do that he labels them rotten, bad, terrible, unworthy, and thus, deserves a punishment. This is one of the philosophical beliefs that Albert, the one who formulated REBT says causes human suffering. Therefore, Carlos is upset because of the irrational beliefs that he holds and not because of the events of the moment, which makes him isolated and interferes with social interaction. For instance, Yolam notes, “he was growing deeply depressed and seemed to have no one to whom he could turn for support” (60). The belief that Carlos holds is what propagates his style of life, and it is his defense process against his unattractiveness due to the cancer treatments. Yolam uses the Adrelian approach in an attempt to understand the antisocial nature of Carlos. He finds out that, Carlos’s mother had died during his birth and that his father had also died of the same cancer that he has lymphoma. He also realizes that Carlos has barely ever had real human interaction with others in healthy relationships. Carlos has never had a close male friend; he was a womanizer with a very depraved attitude towards women. In using this approach, Yolam realizes the “why” and “where from” in Carlos’ life. Yolam is able to understand that Carlos depends on his virility to assert himself hence his depraved belief that he would rape women if it were legal. He has very little connection with life as a whole. Yolam also uses the Adrelian approach when he introduces the concept of his daughter into the discussion. Yolam asks, “All right, Carlos, lets consider this ideal society youre imagining and advocating. Think now, for a few minutes, about your daughter. How would it be for her living in this community -- being available for legal rape?” (60). He tries to change the way that Carlos sees the world by offering him a different perspective with which to look at life. Though the approach of psychotherapy is founded on the fact that childhood circumstances determine how one grows up, it also proposes that an individual’s personality is affected by his own choices and preferences, that is, a man also determines the direction of his destiny. Carlos realizes that even though his life had not been the best that he could have lived, he can change it even now when he is close to death since it is in his power to do so. He discovers better ways to assert himself other than his virility; that he can be a good father figure to his children and to the rest of society. Yolam creates a person relationship with Carlos that is based on empathy. Using this relationship, he administers the person-centered therapy on him whereby he allows him to develop self-worth and realize negative effects on his feelings and beliefs. For example, he explains about his approach “….to provide him with a community that would both help to penetrate his isolation and also, by identifying and urging him to alter some of his most socially objectionable behavior, help him to create connections in his social life” (60). Furthermore, he places Carlos in the shoes of the family of those who are raped. He asks him if he would like his daughter to live in a world where rape is legal. He personalized the rape issue for Carlos to relate directly to it and see his negative attitude. Perhaps, this is the approach that changes Carlos the most. Yolam does not judge him for his opinions on rape, and Carlos feels comfortable enough to share his life experience with his Yolam. Yolam offers congruence, empathy, and unconditional positive regard for Carlos, and thus offers him a platform to understand himself better. Yolam is an example of a good psychotherapist. He does not force his client, Carlos, to see his negative attitudes in a moral manner. Rather, he draws Carlos out to himself, to the kind of world that he would have liked for him and his children to live. He shows him that it is possible to be worth a lot more than his virility, which is failing him. He powerfully combines the three therapy techniques; the Adrelian, Person Centered and the REBT to help Carlos gain a better understanding of what rape. In the end, Carlos realizes that even if rape were legal it would not be something that he would do often, or even every once in a while, like he had earlier suggested. Reference Irvin, D.Yolam. (1981) Loves Executioner & Other tales of Psychotherapy. Read More