Personal Psychoanalysis - Essay Example

Personal Psychoanalysis Though psychology is not my chosen field, I feel as though this has helped me out a great deal with some issues I’ve had in my life. I’ve learned a quite a few things that have had a direct effect on my life, and I definitely feel that this course has helped me to understand various aspects of my youth. On order to analyze my life for this project, I will begin with my early years. I was born on September 4, 1967 in Columbus, MS. My mother, who has been a dominant force (though not positive) throughout my life, suffered from extreme mood swings due to hormonal imbalances. She did not receive much of an education, finally receiving her GED while I was in the 8th grade, and ultimately still struggles with the idea of being a grandmother. I am currently continuing my education at age forty without much encouragement from her; she feels as though I should bet a “real” job like my sister. However, I will begin my life story from the beginning. My mother was a single mother who had four children of whom I am the oldest. We are each from different Biological fathers but were all adopted by the man who we have always known as our father, when I was nine years old. This man was truly a source of love and inspiration for me, though he is now deceased. I have often been told that I look a great deal like him and that at times I resemble him in actions and mannerisms. He was quite musically inclined and was also a retiree of the US AIR force. I feel that he has left a permanent impression on me and will always be missed. In high school, I was a cheerleader with an outgoing and jovial demeanor. I suffered however from bulimia nervosa, and was hospitalized because of it. Bulimia nervosa is an eating disorder which is characterized by bingeing and purging behaviors, with the most purging behaviors generally consisting of induced vomiting, fasting, laxatives, enemas, diuretics, and over exercising. This disease dominated my life from the ages of fourteen till sixteen. I did not date until after I left home. While my friends were out having fun, I worked in the fields at home. I did not attend my own prom. Throughout my childhood and teens, the answer to almost every question asked of my mother was “because I said so”. This left me feeling frequently frustrated and even ignored. During my teen years, my grandmother became rather ill, requiring my grandparents to move in with us. My grandmother and I shared a bed until one night when she passed away in her sleep. I feel that my mother resented being the caregiver for my grandmother as the two of them did not share a healthy or loving relationship. In 1985, I graduated high school and went on to become an underwater welder for the U.S Navy. At this time, I was based in Scotland where I stayed for 6 years. This is how I met my husband who actually retired from the U.S. Marine Corps in 1994. We began a life together and had 6 children of our own. My husband and I did not practice co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is the practice of babies and young children sleeping with either one or both parents. This practice is much more common outside of North America, Europe, and Australia. We were both working and thus a co-sleeping situation was not conducive to our life style. I very much enjoyed quality time with my children but also appreciated the freedoms that having our children sleep in their cribs, provided. I will admit that for a time I felt as though being a mother forced me to place my life on hold. I began a career as a flight-attendant though people thought I was suffering from a mid-life crisis. When my first son left home I suffered from separation anxiety, but the process became easier once my second child left home. Separation anxiety is the anxiety one feels when separated from a loved one. Though typically associated with children, it is very normal for adults to suffer from this too. Though considered normal, there are ways in which a person can deal with these feelings. After that I felt as though I could take on a job such as a flight-attendant that would take me out of the home for periods of time. I worked for American Airlines and I used the opportunity to see the world. After 9/11 happened, I decided not to return to this field of work considering the tragedy. I then enlisted in the US AIR FORCE; I am currently a military training instructor. Also, I am a student at TWU, and I am planning on applying to Nursing school in Spring ’09; I am currently taking classes to raise my GPA so I will be accepted. In the Spring of ’07 I was placed on Zoloft to deal with stress and depression. Depression is, or depressive disorder, is a mental disorder consisting of low moods, loss of interest in typical activities, and diminished ability to experience pleasure. I want to become a Nurse midwife and nurse educator, because I want to help those people with a passion for the field to succeed. I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy do to my mother’s lack of support. When I was young and would come home with a ninety-five percent, that still wasn’t good enough for my mother. She hadn’t graduated high school but was still hyper-critical of my academic accomplishments. The constant negativity of the childhood has been very difficult to move beyond, even though I know I have been a wife, mother, underwater welder, military training instructor, flight attendant, and have earned an Associate of Arts and Associate of Applied Science in Information Technology. I have much love for my mother but she has served as an example to me of how I do not want to be. I believe she suffered from Narcissism, which is a spectrum disorder. Mothers can have a few of the traits of narcissism and not be considered to have the disorder, though mothers with only a few of the traits can negatively affect their daughters. Also, she went through early menopause at thirty-five, and my grandmother and great-grandmother also went through early menopause at thirty-five. I figured that I was also headed for early menopause. These conditions added to my mother’s treatment of me, though I don’t feel as though this explains it completely. She never practiced positive reinforcement, which is when a behavior is rewarded with a positive stimulus which leads to an increase in that behavior, ideally, such as when I would bring ninety-five percents home from school. I don’t think we ever developed a close human bond, which refers to the forming of a close relationship with another person, such as with a parent and child. It’s surprising that I have the outgoing personality that I have today when considering how I was unable to be a social butterfly throughout high school. I feel as though I have overcome some, though not all, of the issues I have from my childhood. I have practiced positive reinforcement with my own children, as opposed to negative reinforcement, and I have never discouraged them from attempting any reasonable task that is within their abilities. Negative reinforcement is when a behavior is followed by the taking away of a favorable stimulus, which ideally leads to a decrease in that behavior. My husband and I have been very authoritative with our children. Authoritarianism refers to social control expressed through strict adherence to the authority of a state or organization. As I mentioned, I originally took this course in order to raise my GPA. I do think, however, that it will have a longer effect on my life as well. I plan on pursuing nursing, but I do feel that I’ve learned many things from this course that will help me continue to be a strong person and pursue my dreams. I’ve come to a certain understanding about the way my mother treated me as a child, and I also feel that many of the choices that I made with my own children were the right choices. Above all, I definitely feel as though I am pursuing something worthwhile in the filed of nursing and should not just cave in to the pressures of others when it comes to choices that will have a large affect on my life. I did originally take this course to help with my GPA to get into Nursing school, but it has done so much more for me than give me this opportunity. Read More