Everything That Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger - Essay Example

CONFLICT As we traverse our life in this world, we encounter multitudinous events that continuously transform our life, our personality, and our perspectives, views and characteristics. However, the irony of life lies on the idea that one cannot really choose what is it that one may encounter and experience. In this truism, one then is confounded with the fact that one has to be constantly ready for the many surprises that life holds. And conflict is one of life’s little surprises or perturbation… Conflicts have been defined in a numerous way but one common theme that runs across its various meanings is the notion of clash, of opposition, of fight, of struggle. And I am not unfamiliar with it… Still fresh in my memory is one conflict that I have been through prior to my coming to college. When everybody was busy and frantic about what they were going to do right after their secondary education, I was already certain that I would be pursuing college. In fact, I was really resolute in pursuing a degree. Fortunately for me, my parents and I were basically in agreement regarding this matter. However, that was where we only meet. As I look into my future and try to imagine what I would someday become I have realize that what I want is to be in the field of sciences and to be more particular in the field of Physics. Or if not Physics then I would love to do Philosophy. Although, to be honest, I really do not know what I would be doing right after finishing Physics or Philosophy but still I have set my heart on it. Unfortunately, my mother has a different plan. She wants me to enter in Hotel and Restaurant Management or Nursing because that is the trend and those two fields are in demand. Deep in my heart I know that she is correct. And that what she is trying to do is that she is opening to me other possibilities or channels that I may not be seeing or taking notice of. But you see I cannot just throw away the things that really catches my fancy, the stuffs that I love to do, the things that I would like to learn. Besides, being young, I am still being idealistic. I have this notion that in college the rudiments of textbooks should no longer burden one. But one rather should already see the beauty of knowledge itself. So, I often tell myself in college, I will be pursuing my interests. But you see reality checks. I found myself in a situation wherein my self-interests conflict with that of my mother. Though I see it as a kind of conflict that will lead to a positive solution but still I know at the same time that I cannot have both. Much as I can understand the good thing that my mother is raising, I cannot also give up my Physics or Philosophy. At first, I did try to persuade my mother to see and appreciate my side. I was doing all the tricks that I could think of. I told her that I was good in both subjects and that I could excel in those fields. When it did not work, I appealed to her emotions hoping that I would touch her heart, but I failed. So what I did after that was I bargained with my mother. I told her she just has to give me one year to do what I want. And if I failed, I can shift. But she told me it’s a waste of time. I was hoping that we could really collaborate on this one important issue in my life since she is very important to me and I did not want her to be left out as I make my decision. It was really very hard. I was in a position wherein nobody wants to give in. I knew what I want and my mother knew what she believes is best for me, how can we resolve it? I avoided my mom for a time thinking that such a cowardly act could dissipate the mounting tension between the two us. But you see when one is to go to college definitely time is not on your side. You do not have the luxury of procrastinating decisions. To be honest, I really do not know whether I did make the right decision. But I told my mom that it is my life. I am very grateful for all the support that I have been receiving from her and I will be forever grateful till the day I die. But I just have to pursue what I want. Not that it is perfect and without any glitch but it makes me happy. And in my little mind it makes sense, it seems to be ok, even perfect. I am afraid. It is the first time that I have followed what I want. I am thinking that I have hurt my mom but I also see at the same time that she has seen that I am no longer her baby girl but that I have grown to be my own person. A person that she has carefully molded via the love and support that she has consistently shown me. Although she is really tough and strong willed, she has shown me that trees do bend when need arises. We have resolved the conflict not by forcing or threatening one another but by learning to trust and respect one another. I do not want to call it competitive because it is not battle of wills but what I have seen are two different persons whose lives are intertwined and in their shared lives that what they want is simply the best for each other. In this particular conflict, I have become an adult. I have learned that I have to be responsible for all the consequences of my decisions. That if everything fails there is nobody to be blamed but me. It causes fear in my heart not knowing what the future may hold for me, what my decision of pursuing what I want may have for me. But I will always look back in that particular moment when I clashed with my mom. It proved to me one certain thing, out of conflicts we learn, out of confrontations we may have been hurt and burnt but the lessons it gives us transforms us into a better person, a better human being. And I will hold on to this regardless whether it is “approach-approach, approach-avoidance or avoidance-avoidance conflict.” (Gerow, 1995, p 558-559) And off I went to college… As a freshman, I approached the first few days of class with dread. Armed with an idea that I am responsible for myself, that I have to make the best of my days in college, that I am new in the university, I do not know anybody, I am far from home and all those other concerns and things wrecking havoc in my frontal lobe, you can just imagine how happy I was when I did see an old friend of mine in the campus. I asked her for some survival tips or what they call “survival kit” to help me go through the first year in college. She told that I was really making a big fuss out of nothing. (Honest, she was not telling the truth. The hardest year in college is the first year. That is the truth) and she told me that I could breeze through college with ease and a lot of fun if I was gutsy enough to join a sorority. But I told her that freshmen are not allowed to join sororities or fraternities during their first year of stay in the university. But she said that, I could tag along if I wanted to and perhaps observe what they are doing. It was really very enticing. I was really tempted to come along. I wanted to. But you see, I think there is a conflict here. It is perhaps not an interpersonal conflict but an intra personal conflict that I am experiencing. I do not want to sound too prudish or too straight but I am in college to study and learn and not to look for ways for me to have fun. I am really battling it with myself. I am a geek.who also wants to have fun. At this stage, I am still struggling it out with myself. But I have come to grips with reality. That I am in college to study so that I can prepare myself for whatever future may have at stake for me. But that does not mean that I cannot have fun once in a while. I can be involved in extra –curricular activities. Broaden further my horizon, now my other potentials, meet new friends, learn new skills and all in the right time. There is nothing to hurry about. The conflict I had with my mom had shown me that struggles whether with other persons or with one’s own devils can be resolved, can be managed. And perhaps when time comes when I will encounter irresolvable conflicts, then I just have to learn to accept things as they are. Indeed, life is filled with conflicts and surprises. Some maybe life changing, some may even burden us to the ground. Some may be nugatory and insignificant while others may just be our ordinary stressor. But the important thing is that there are ways wherein we can handle conflicts. And that the conflicts that comes our way, our life, are means and instruments that may perhaps turn us around and help us see a clearer and better perspective of who we are, what we are and where are we going. And this is what I have been learning. The path is not easy, the task is never over but at least I am learning little by little… Reference: Gerow, Josh R. (1995) Psychology: an intoduction 4th Edition. New York: HarperCollins College Publishers Read More