Collapse of the Traditional Family - Essay Example

Collapse of the Traditional Family Families have been the very foundation of social life all through the history in most, if not all, cultures of the world. The happy nuclear (heterosexual) family forms the framework in which many of us ourselves were fortunate enough to have grown up. But today we constantly hear about people lamenting the weakening of this foundation, as a consequence of which the very fabric of our society seems to be coming unraveled in a way as to cause alarm. Our families give us an identity. They provide us with a moral, social and economic support. People still generally associate the concept of "the good life" with family and home - so why is it that this traditional basis of so many joys and values in human life - this home sweet home - cracking and breaking apart Under what kind of unrelenting pressures What is it that is going so fundamentally wrong in our society and lifestyles even as we move further ahead into the twenty first century The first thing that immediately occurs to mind, the number one culprit, is of course the exploding divroce rates, in the Western societies as well as in many developing nations. Divorce rates have been on the rise for decades now, but they seem to be shoooting up to epidemic proportions with each passing day. The very institution of marriage which lies at the root of family and home is under assault. Out-of-wedlock births too are drastically rising. Unmarried cohabitation is becoming an increasingly common phenomenon in contemoporary society. The sporadic spread of same-gender marriages are another aspect of the problem. So, one way or other, it is the fact that more and more people are losing their faith in the sanctity of marriage between man and woman which is ultimately threatening the very viability of our society. In a more immediate sense, though, this is adversely affecting the lives of millions of innocent children, causing grave irreparable damage to their delicate sensibilities at a very tender age. No wonder then that so many of our national leaders are seriously concerned about the need for fortifying the edifice of family, in their bid to build a more coherent and sensible society. A resurgence of early and almost universal marriage, as it happened in the postwar periods of 1950s and 1960s, is bound to revitalize our society. But what is so different between our own times and just a couple of decades ago Why cannot such a thing cannot happen today One most conspicuous difference is the tremendously greater proportion of full-time working women in today's world as compared to the 50's. This is of coure a very positive change. But could not the absence of the mother from the household for the better part of the day be taking its toll on the upbringing and well-being of the children Not necessarily, since it has its own advantages. A confident and independent mother can serve as a better role model for children of both sexes, and not just the girls. Obviously, with both dad and mom working, there would be two incomes instead of one, and this translates to better financial security for children. Also, in a way, with relatively less time available to spend with children, the parents would tend to treasure this time even more than if time weren't such a constraint. It is a universal truth in any relationship, whether between lovers or between parents and children, that distance brings people closer, making them grow fonder of each other. But only to a certain extent though, a little more distance and it can alienate people, to which point we will come shortly. Now though there may be several practical advantages to argue in favor of working women, in relation to their families, the cohesive presence of a full-time mother acting as the central force in holding together the home, with her love and mystique - is simply irreplaceable. It is becoming an increasingly rare sight these days, and evokes a kind of idyllic nostalgia in many of us. But still, if certain things have to be gained, certain other things have to be lost. As primary as motherhood is to the identity of a woman, it is almost equally important that the woman stand independent and successful in her own right, and not be passively dependent on the husband for her financial sustenance. It is important that the woman assert her natural intelligence and express her manifold talents, working hard and contributing to the wealth of the society just as much as men. And so, though a busy working mother does not represent a very ideal situation, at least from the point of view of the children, she represents a necessary compromise, almost an inevitable sacrifice. However much some of us may wish we could back to the times when the woman used to be a full-fledged homemaker, enlivening the home environment with her constant loving presence, we have no way to do so. There is no looking back now. Centuries of abuse and oppression perpetrated on uneducated and financially dependent women, in cultures all over the world, is too distasteful to think of as a valid prospect for the future - all the possible glories of a full-blossomed motherhood notwithstanding. So the fact that both the parents work need not be an issue, but still happens to be one, and a very prominent one at that. Because the quantity of work affects both the quantity and quality of time afforded in bonding with the other members of the family. This is a central fact of our times that is not only affecting relationships within the context of family, but all personal relationships in general: people just do not have time anymore. Everybody simply wants to make more money at whatever the cost; and so many of us are just constantly trying to reach a higher status in life that we do not have any time to look to the sides, look at the lovely real people around us, leave alone try to relate to them at a less mundane level. Of course, every one has emotional needs, to connect and to communicate with other people in a deeper way. But these needs are being suppressed in order to give more and more scope to our umbridled greed and ambition. As a matter of fact, this sort of thing has been happening thoroughout the course of civilization, otherwise there would not have been any civilization in the first place; we would still be living in an primitive culture with strong ties forged not only between the members of the family but between all the members of the community as such - only, there would have been not much of a progress to speak of in that situation. Today, at the beginning of the twenty-first century, we live in exactly the opposite kind of situation. There is relentless progress in science, technology and industry, but meaningful deeper relationships are becoming virtually nonexistent. Greed and ambition are not wrong, but there has to be a balance struck between them and some other things in life far removed from them, such as love and friendship. And this balance is what more and more people are losing in the world of today. That there is still a good degree of family bonding and relationship present between many people in our society can be attributed to the fact that we have not lost the balance entirely. But for how long The trends do not look too good. Imagine a great scientist working away day and night in pursuit of an elusive discovery, madly obsessed to reach his goal - suppose he had wife and kids, what kind of a father would he have made, generally speaking Thanks to the increasing opportunities offered to us owing to technological progress, professionals of today are generally becoming too obsessed with their work to the detriment all personal and family life. More or less, we are all transforming into "great scientist" characters, men as well as women, and the metamorphosis would be complete the day we forget even the names of our own children! This constant preoccupation with work, and the consequent lack of time to let ourselves relax into simpler joys of life in the company of loved ones - this is what is hitting the health and integrity of our families so bad. Of course, there are so many other factors that do play an important role in the deterioration and disintegration of family life in our present society, for example, alcoholism, spouse abuse, unemployment, poverty etc. But they have always been there, but the new major emerging trend of our times is this acute diminution of time that we seem to be able to allocate to non-utilitarian purpuses. Love is such a profoundly non-utilitarian thing in our world, and naturally it is becoming somewhat of a scarce commodity. And then divorces happen, children go astray, people lose trust in one another, our lives go on becoming increasingly hollow and empty. Moreover, in the absence of love, the ego flares up, grows unrestrained. People become fiercely independent. The single mom with her child chooses to live by her own, and stubbornly refuses to live with her parents, and in the process the child is deprived of a normal healthy emotional bonding with the other members of her own family, a thing which is very essential for a well-rounded growth of mind and personality. When these children grow up, they cannot be expected to form healthy and stable relationships. It becomes a vicious circle. It is the ebbing of love and the swelling of ego that lies at the heart of this unprecedented disaster: the disappearance of the traditional family structure in our modern obsessively achievement-oriented society. The ego is being constantly reinforced. And the natural capacity to love in us is becoming wasted. But amidst all this havoc and desolation caused in the wake of the ongoing collapse of the traditional family structure, there is a rather positive and interesting development.: the coming en vogue of the so-called patchwork familes. To be sure, it is nothing like a new phenomenon. Patchwork families have always existed, and in good numbers, especially before the advent of the modern medicine when high mortality rates prevailed. But in today's divorce culture, this system of parents living together with the children of their earlier marriage(s) is being seen and accepted more and more. There is a general misconception regarding patchwork families that the step-moms treat their step-children with prejudice and unfairness. But it is almost certainly a myth engendered by fairy-tale stereotyping of stepmother as seen in such children's stories as Snow-white, Cinderella, Hans and Gretel etc. In reality, the truth may be the complete opposite. More often, it is the children who tend to hate their stepmom while resisting to accept her, to her sadness and consternation. But even in spite of this, in almost a majority of cases, patchwork families tend to be highly supportive of children's emotional needs. In comparison to normally bleak single-parent families and a wide variety of other kinds of dysfunctional families, a lot of patchwork families can seem to be veritable oases of love and affection. There can be typically a higher number of children in such families and this can lead to many inconveniences at physical level, but so many children, not born of the same parents, living under one roof can encourage them to learn to love and understand each other on an active basis. Not that conflicts and even violence do not happen in such environments, not that divorces don't take place after a "patchwork" marriage, but there is really no evidence of such negative things happening in the setting of a patchwork family to any abnormal level. On the other hand, in the void being left by the slow crumbling of the traditional family system, patchwork families can at times signify a hope that it is still possible for people to love and live together in one home - and in one spirit. Read More