Love without Sex - Essay Example

? Love without Sex al Affiliation When people and especially ladies start having the love talk, the debate can takehours and hours with no conclusion. This shows that love is a complex concept and not just an easy affair as people tend to view it. There are people who have held the notion that the ideal relationship especially between people who love each other is one where sex is involved. Sex has been viewed as glue to all relationship. In this essay, I differ with that notion as my experience has proven otherwise. Having been married for nine years and giving all my life to man, sex was part of that relationship but still, my partner cheated on me with another woman for three years. This is great proof that sex is not an ingredient to making the other person love you. I will embark on clarifying why my next relationship will not involve any sexual activity, as there are other ways that one can show love without necessarily having sex with the other person. Keywords: Love, Sex, Relationship Introduction Many times, we often hear people saying that sex is a want that can be controlled by each individual. During the first months of relationships, people are usually very reluctant in having sex, but as time passes and people get to be in love, the appetites for sex builds up. Though sex urge builds up with time, people should realize that sex is not the only need that they have in that relationship. Forming a bond with the other person is more important. The bond is what is referred to as love and it is very crucial (Westheimer, 2011). Love is quite vital as it is what leads to people engaging in sex. So the point that should be noted is that in the normal setting of a relationship between a man and a woman, love comes first and then sex follows. With so many people looking for people to share their love with, some have ended up finding the wrong partner and in such instances, their relationship does not last long, hence the many cases of divorce. The two people in the relationship might not understand the needs of each other and this usually leads to separation. There are those who have the argument that sex is one of the ingredients that glues love between two people and that the greater success one has in discovering sex in the relationship, then the end result is that the love between the two partners will blossom (Westheimer, 2011). But I beg to differ with these people who have that notion because I hold that love can exist without sex. My argument is that sex is usually aimed at selfish gratification as my past relationship has proven. My partner who I had been with for nine years cheated on me with another woman from his place of work. This is someone who I had loved with all my heart that I had given him a son, but this was all in vain. He had been seeing this woman for three years without my knowledge and this was very devastating for me. It is for this reason that I decided my next relationship will be love without sex. Sex does not help in anyway between people who are in love. If our love was to be salvaged by sex, I could not be where I am today. How can one love without sex? In the generation we have today, people have had the notion that when one is in a relationship what follows is that the two partners are engaging in sexual acts. In the society today, people are of the idea that an ideal relationship is one where the partners are having a blissful romance with passionate sex. From my perspective, such arguments been blown out of proportion and a man and a woman can have an ideal relationship without sex. This can be achieved in numerous ways and we are going to look at how one can love without necessary having sex. When one hears that so and so are in love, the news sounds really nice but love is just not a simple affair as people try to make it look like, especially when it comes to showing that one is in love and at the same time he or she is not engaging in sex. In most cultures and religions, sex before marriage is prohibited though most people have ignored the commands. For example, among the Hindus, the consequences of engaging in sex before marriage are so severe that no one usually ignores that. However, they have been educated on ways in which people who are in love and yet not married can still show that they love and care for each other (Radhakrishan, n.d.). This will prove to us love without sex can exist and how it can be exercised. The following are ways that one can love without having sex: Exchanging hugs: Despite the fact that people view hugging as a normal thing, a lot be said with a hug. Hugs provide intimacy and closeness and it is one of the ways that one can really show that he or she is in love with the other person (Radhakrishan, n.d.). Holding hands: Just as hugs symbolizes a loving gesture, one can show the other partner how much he or she is in love with the person through holding hands, even when the whole world seems to stare at them. The touch of a hand can say so much (Radhakrishan, n.d.). Sharing feelings with each other: Before two people enter into a relationship, they notice each other because they have feelings. It is good to be honest as it can be a very loving gesture by even letting your partner know how much you him or her (Radhakrishan, n.d). Exchanging gifts: Most people have adopted the habit of giving gifts during celebrations such as birthdays and weddings in most cultures, but this custom should change. People who are in relationships should adopt the habit of giving gifts as surprises not necessary during celebrations. The act of exchanging gifts and the gift itself is what makes it special as it is a way of expressing how one feels toward the other person (Radhakrishan, n.d.). Flirting with each other: It is very normal to see people who are in love flirt with each other; in fact, flirting is harmless. For example, a wink or a whisper is enough to show your partner that you are in love with him or her (Radhakrishan, n.d.). Writing each other love letters: There are people who are not good at expressing their love towards their partner physically in ways like holding hands. For such people, it is advisable for them to use letters so as to express their love. One should be very creative since such a letter is cherished forever by the recipient (Radhakrishan, n.d.). Taking walks together: People who are dating do not necessarily require sex for them to show that they love one another. Walks and especially evening ones are quiet, peaceful, and usually give partners time to bond as they provide privacy and this will help the partners to know each other better (Radhakrishan, n.d.). All the above are the ways that can help partners to show that they love and care for each other without engaging in sex. If sex was the ingredient that would salvage love, my husband and I would still be together. Therefore sex is just a want that normally complicates the concept of love. I support that one can show love without sex. Conclusion It is very difficult to convince people that one can love without sex but through the experience I have had with my cheating partner, I support and advocate for love without sex. Maintaining a healthy relationship without the partners engaging in sex has been a questionable concept. Some argue that it is not possible. Today’s generation has really changed as we find children as young as the age of 12 years having sex, simply because they think that it is the thing to do to prove that one is in a relationship (Cassil, 2012). My perception is that the real meaning of sex is lost and the best thing to do is refraining from having it. As discussed, there are different ways that can be used express love between people in relationship, rather than engaging in sex when maybe one or either of the partners is not ready. No one should demand for sex from the other person if the other person feels that they are not prepared for it. Communication in a relationship becomes very vital in such instance as one will need to explain to the partner why he or she is not prepared to have sex, or why he or she thinks that it is not important. As mentioned earlier, partners who are not engaging in sex in their relationship should look for different ways to distract themselves by doing different activities together, such as going for picnics and other outdoor activities. These will prove that love without sex is very possible. This will be therapeutic for me because as a lady, having sex got me more emotionally attached with my husband and it ended up hurting so much. Reference List Cassil. (2012). Can You Maintain a Healthy Relationship without having Sex? Retrieved from http://youthvoices.net/discussion/can-you-maintain-healthy-relationship-without-having-sex.  Radhakrishnan, S. (n.d.). Doing it Without Sex: Showing Your Care and Love without Sex. Retrieved from http://www.sewa.org.gy/node/11. Westheimer, R. K. (2011). Sex for Dummies. Hoboken: John Wiley & Sons. Read More