Sex, Love, and Romance - Research Paper Example

Module Module ID: Sex, Love and Romance It has aptly been d that love is one of the most essential and inevitable necessities of human life, which is born with human and lasts forever till he breathes his last. Hence, love maintains unabated significance and worthwhile importance in human life. Some of the people regard love as a vast emotional state of affairs, which is beyond any regional boundaries, ethno-racial identity, sensational relationship or materialistic gains. Hence, anyone can fall in love with man, woman, child, elderly, bird, pet, cattle or even objects of nature as well as with his least-precious belongings. Consequently, love is far above from the limitation of caste, class, creed, ethnicity, race, region, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age-group and socioeconomic position of the lover and beloved. Renowned Lebanese-American philosopher Khalil Gibran declares love as the profound feels which are dropped into the delicate heart of beloved from the deep eyes of the lover. Nevertheless, the beloved seeks something inspirational, delicate, different and sensuous in the lover in order to keep the relation with him, and subsequently offer him all the physical charms she contains, and all the delicacies and coquettes she could display to entertain the lover in response to the utter feelings he exhibits for the beloved. It is love that forces a mother to feed, nurture, clean, care and shelter her child; it is sheer feelings of love that force a father to work from dawn to dusk to provide moral, financial and physical support and comforts to his children. Similarly, lovers sacrifice their lives during the course of winning their beloved; it is also love that compels the soldiers to sacrifice all their comforts to defend the geographical and ideological boundaries of their motherland; similarly, it is pure love that urges a suitor to compose and compile long songs for his sweetheart. Thus, love is actually the name of compassion, sacrifice, purity and dedication, though the same is taken as the initial stage of getting engaged into romance and sex subsequently. As a result, love and sex are taken synonymous to each other in contemporary times, as every relationship and every friendship demands return in any form as barter. Romance is also taken as synonymous to love, though both of them observe difference in their nature and scope. Romance is one of the most sublime, delicate, superb and sensuous feelings, where lovers express their inner without any show-off or pretending falsehood. The arms of lovers, and lips on the lips take the imagination higher and higher to the heights of skies and into the deep values of joys and imagination where there is chirping of birds, singing of cuckoo, swaying of leaves, dancing of flowers, running brooks, blue hills, green pastures and thick forests. Thus, expressing one’s feelings through touching, rubbing, gestures, eye contacts and kissing etc come under the definition of romance. Somehow, it is different from love, for romance is often attributed to lovers, suitors and sex-partners, while love has no boundaries, and parental attachment for children as well as siblings’ care for one another is also regarded as love in the real sense of the word. It is frequently argued that parental love upon the children is also not as powerful as of parental towards children; for the parents wait till the children grow up and support them in the same manner as they had provided them with food, clothing, shelter and protection. However, children seldom follow the same, and remain engaged in their personal activities. Although the argument of rearing the children with the hope of receiving the same appears to be partly true, yet while examining the life of birds, animals and even beasts, it looks crystal clear that love is not only blind, but also is deprived of any demand from the beloved. Somehow, different people take the same thing in different manner. As one school of thought declares it as the outcome of the lust for the fulfillment of the carnal desires every human is forced to get satisfied. Freudian school of thought also finds the existence of some hidden sexual desires in subconscious; even the child’s love for his parent belonging to the sex opposite to him actually contains sexual meanings in them. Hence, love certainly carries carnal desires somewhere hidden in the subconscious of all human beings, which is covered under the pile of the claim of love. “The pleasure an infant takes in sucking at the breast is sexual; the pleasure taken in defecation is likewise sexual. (Later, in adult life, though genital sexuality dominates, these pregenital forms remain.)” (Al-Beroni, 2007:2) However, having sexual desires for the loved one is not an indecent phenomena altogether. Sigmund Freud views such attraction as natural and normal behavior. He even declares child-mother attraction as natural and innate one. Actually based upon the ancient Greek tragedy Oedipus the King by Sophocles, Freud’s Oedipus complex theory is of the view that children contain unconscious sexual attraction towards the parent of the opposite gender. In Oedipus the King, the protagonist quite unknowingly kills his father King Laius of Thebes, and marries his mother Queen Jocasta. Freud is of the opinion that the same feelings of sexual attraction are present in every child, though he is not acquainted with the same. Since the theory was quite opposite to the Christian teachings, it startled the contemporary society of the theorist. Consequently, religious circles particularly criticized the theorist for violating the moral values and religious beliefs prevailing in the Victorian and post-Victorian eras. Somehow, the same claims and censuring started abating with the passage of time, and people accepted it as based on research and observation. Similarly, love with the member of same sex remained taboo for several centuries, and people used to look at homosexuals with great displeasure. Moreover, love at first sight was also viewed as pure and strong; somehow, the modern theorists have renounced the same because of the very fact that at first sight, the individuals estimate and assess the physical charms and apparent beauty the other person contains. The boys and girls meet with one another in educational institutions, churches and other public places, and get involved into love, romance and subsequently to sex on growing young and reaching the age of puberty, which is actually romantic love and sexual feelings, which keep both the parties in the bond of unity and love. Love’s turning to romance and development of sexual appeal to the people of opposite sex is directly reliant upon one of the two basic human instincts i.e. utter and sheer desire to get involved into sex. It is partly because of the very reality that romance certainly seeks the quenching of physical desires, though apparently no existence of lust can be seen in the true love between the lovers. Thus like hunger and thirst, sex is also among these most inevitable elements, which are essential part of human life and the expression of the energy present in the human beings. “Lust, characterized by the craving for sexual gratification, is associated with the androgens present in both men and women. Studies of human sexual arousal that use functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) show that specific networks of brain activation are associated with the sex drive. (Fisher, 2006:3) Freudian doctrine also describes the same. “According to the theory, human actions and reactions are entirely dependent of basic drives including hunger, sex, energy and appetite to dominate over others.” (Liebert, & Spiegler, 1990: 115) He also declares aggression as completely expression of the energy and strength man contains. Hence, display of aggression is directly reliant of internal conflict and energy. It is therefore man enters into sexual activities even in dream. Neo-Freudian school also associates every dream with the expression of unfulfilled sexual desires that can be satisfied in dream. Apparently, no youth or adult loves the other with the intention of mere satisfying the lust. On the contrary, there are feelings of respect and utter urge of making a strong and everlasting union to lead a happy life in the company of each other forever and ever. Somehow, unconsciously, humans are interested in the achievement of their final target i.e. using, misusing and exploiting the lover and beloved for the physical desires eventually. It is therefore romance has not been confined to marriage between two individuals belonging to the opposite sexes; on the contrary, romance, sex and eventual marriage sex between the persons of same gender has got popularity in the present day modern societies of the world. People dream of living with the members of same gender as life partners, and even fall in love and romance with transsexuals, which remained a taboo as well as a condemnable activity for the last several centuries. However, same-sex marriages and extra-marital unions have also got legal status during the end of last century. Somehow, the sight of the member of opposite gender invites brightness in the eyes and smiles on the lips of the individuals belonging to every racial, ethnic and cultural group without discrimination. Even birds and animals are fascinated by the sight of the opposite gender that belongs to their breed. The cats, dogs, cows, horses and even lions and others are attracted to and fascinated by the animal belonging to opposite sex of their breed. Hence, romance is not only a purely natural phenomenon, but is also universal and ever-green in its nature. Freud associates dreams too with the sexual desires of the individuals. He is of the opinion that dreams reflect the unfulfilled and unquenched wishes and desires, which man meets in some other world during the traveling of his soul while sleeping. Freud specifically inter-linked dreams with sexual aptitude and carnal desires. Most of the dreams, according to him, reflect the sexual activities man looks to get involved but is unable to perform the same because of the existing moral values, cultural traits, social norms and religious taboos. Thus, though people try to suppress their sexual desires in real life, their subconscious reflects the same in dreams, and they obtain sexual gratification through dreams subsequently. Since there is no evidence of the actions man performs in dreams, nor is there any bar on doing anything in dream, so unquenched wishes come true during sleep without the infliction of any disgrace or penalty. “No other impulse has had to undergo so much suppression from the time of childhood as the sex impulse in its numerous components, from no other impulse have survived so many and such intense unconscious wishes, which now act in the sleeping state in such a manner as to produce dreams.” (Freud, 2010:50) Since the feelings including masochism, narcissism, bisexuality, homosexuality, sadism, exhibitionism and other desires haunt man’s mind, which are strictly prohibited in the eyes of ethics and morality, man suppresses the same with his utmost reluctance and refusal. However, dreams provide the opportunity for the same against which no penalty is imposed upon man. The psychologist theorists declare romance as the final stage of love, which ultimately ends in the performing of sexual activity. It is therefore a large proportion of so called sheer and unflinching emotions of love end in separation between the lovers, who say goodbye to each other on not being capable to understand the nature and problems of the lover. It is actually because of the fact that most of the men enter into romance just to satisfy their lust for the time being. Women mistakenly regard such type of relationship as the outcome of true and strong passion, which would last forever. Somehow, as soon as the couples get fed up of the passion for one another, they choose to drift apart from one another after separating from each other. “Surely for most of us it is more accurate to say we were "mysteriously attracted to" or "stumbled into" rather than "carefully searched for" our love partner. Seeking a mate is not consciously planned; we are driven by our feelings. We dont take a check list of desirable traits in hand as we systematically search the world for our ideal mate.” (Givens, 1983:906) The lovers, particularly during the contemporary era, seldom try to explore the personality traits and characteristics of one another; they seldom try to get acquaintance with the family, friends and colleagues of each other. They even don’t have any knowledge about the religious belief, zodiac sign, political ideas and profession of one another. Thus, they just concentrate upon making fun and entertaining themselves with any partner capable of making romance and satisfying the other. The same sex romantic relationship also endorse the same that the young men and women fall in love with the members of same sex and even with transgressors, both types of romance had been taboo in all parts of the globe for the last several centuries. Consequently, the ludicrous individuals have wrongly trusted their emotions as love, though they are still less than half way from the true feelings for one another. Women appear to be more shy and modest than men; it is therefore they try to conceal all that is taking place in their mind and heart. Apparently, they go out on date with the males with some meaningful objective in mind, which includes watching movie, attending an art exhibition, visiting a book fair, carrying joint study and much more. On the other hand, men turn out to be more bold and down to earth, and disclose their sexual motives on first or second date without concealing it under the pile of love or romance. Thus, love signals are clearer in male minds than in female minds, or women are more aware of the advancements being made from the males; yet they let them observe the same without completely knowing what the girls actually want from their male partners. Like men, women are also deeply interested in touching, rubbing, kissing, embracing and entering into intercourse. Additionally, women have higher tendencies for exhibitionism and even masochism than men, for their entire body is appealing, sensuous and bewitching for males. Males are attracted to the eyes, cheeks and lips of the women; they are eager to discover every organ of female body through kissing and touching, which brings sexual arousal in both, and takes them in the yonder lands, where there is peace and tranquility free from the tensions and frustration of everyday life. However, main thing in romance is the exploration of the tender feelings of the partner. It is well stated that if you want to win the love of your beloved, then first try to win the love of her dog. It is partly true because of the very reality that you are giving importance to each and everything that belongs to your beloved. You are actually conveying to her that everything attributed to her obtains meaning and significance for you. It has often been observed that most of the couples start dating each other with the motive of tasting the act that was forbidden for them openly till they reach eighteen years of age. Thus, they were restricted to have intercourse, they find new avenues of life appear to be wide open for them for the rest of their life. At first, they remain loyal to one another, and promise not to betray each other at any cost. Somehow, as soon as love grows, they start flirting with others even they have arrived at a club, pub or any public place in the company of their lover and to amuse him as well out of the unsigned contract between the two. Thus, they just start posing and pretending the love for one another as soul mate, though they are dating so many simultaneously. It is therefore Dr. Hitch throws light upon the same bitter truth that romance demands for maximum love-partners in order to soothe the beastly desires in one way or the other. To conclude, it becomes evident that love, romance and sex are the most alluring and fascinating activities and expressions of human life, which are inevitable to lead a healthy and vigorous life. People love their parents, siblings, grandparents, peers and friends; they fall in love with suitors, paramours and lovers, enter into romance with the members of opposite sex, and are fascinated by the presence of the opposite sex. The aptly prefer the opposite gender while making friendship, recruiting the staff members and professionals, and starting romance. However, only few are well-acquainted with the method of carrying a successful romance. The lovers should try to explore the needs and emotions of one another. Instead of sticking to the words of the lovers, they must strive to discover the hidden meanings behind the gestures, body language and impressions, and should try to study, examine and comprehend with the message hidden under the deep eyes of the lover. Love is the most beautiful aspect of life, which fills the heart with joys and mirth, and wipes out all sorrows and grief within seconds. In order to remain attractive and center of attraction in the eyes of the members of opposite gender, man should try to perform something different, unique, and even weird or queer to please and inspire the partner. It is the beauty of life, and the source of pleasure and vigor for the individuals. References Freud, Sigmund Dream Psychology: Psychoanalysis for Beginners Echo Library Publishers 2010 Givens, D. Love Signals: How to attract a mate. New York: Pinnacle Books. 1983 Fisher, Helen E. Anatomy of Love, Ital. version op.cit. http://www.helenfisher.com/downloads/articles/17brokeheart.pdf Read More