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Personal Development - Essay Example

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It was great to see everybody back in his last term of our last year.
I was already in the frame of mind that this was my last term and somehow I can now foresee the end of the end is finally within my grasp. …
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Personal Development
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Personal Development

Download file to see previous pages... Though they also have been part of my struggle and a motivation to challenge not only myself in relation to their world but also in how they had a tremendous impact into my way of being and in my world. Again we spent the first few sessions of our Personal Development in trying to give meaning to the group. Some voices within the group undermined the value of it, whilst others, were reinforcing its importance though we have only spent a brief time on it. I find that it is difficult to give meaning to something when you are still immersed in the process as it is an impossible task and an ethereal feeling as it occurs. One realises its inherent meaning only afterwards as well as when one recognises its meaning on his own time and circumstance which may or may not while it is happening. With this in mind, I have opted not to give a meaning to the experience and I have personally reserved this contemplation on a later time for objectivity and clarity. After starting this trimester with a quite good connection with the group, I admit that subsequently I started to feel some form of anger towards some of the members. Reflecting on it, I remembered that in one session I chose to remain silent as a way of possibly expressing my anger. Where that anger came from took me a while to understand and it made much more sense when I chose to express that anger through my self-imposed silence. I was getting tired of the constant rumination of issues which, as far I was concern, were only used to deflate my temperament. Their actions felt more to me as a sabotage of the group and its process which is neither helpful nor productive. The silence seems as a childish response to the issues and somehow I felt I was too afraid of a confrontation and to speak out on an event where the situation was bigger than me and my own perceptions. It seemed that the only way I could deal with it is by silencing it and somehow suffocating it. I believe that I came out of this experience as a more open and more engaging version of myself as I was less afraid to embrace a possible conflict with other members of the group and possibly be able to deal in a more mature way at the chance that the ‘love’ was withdrawn from me . Nic was one of the voices in the group that I had difficulty connecting with understanding, or at least, that was my own conclusion of how I felt about him. The realisation that we would possibly never have another chance to interact, in view of him returning to France at the end of the course, made me want to explore with him what has been happening in our relationship and why I felt that way towards him. It took me a lot of courage and I had to overcome a strong anxious feeling before I could express to him my difficulty in forging a bond with him and there was a kind of aloofness that I feel towards him and how he is as a person. My exchange with Nic was coming from a place of wanting to reach out but not in any way an attempt to rescue him. I was trying to understand and make sense of his world. A world that for some reason I was not able to share. I expressed my sadness, at not able to bridge our islands and I questioned if that was due to me not allowing for some reasons to embrace his world or was it due to his own difficulty to bring into the group his own way of being. With sadness I also felt a sense of care towards Nic as my desire to understand him has never wavered. I also heard and acknowledged his own sadness and in that moment a bridge seemed to surface from the sea and connect our islands. I voiced and experienced ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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