Effects of Divorce on Children - Research Paper Example

Effects of divorce on children Divorce refers to the dissolving of a marriage and it normally ends with the family tearing apart. It is usually a very painful and traumatizing experience for all those that are affected, which includes the family members. It therefore requires one to be brave hearted as well as considerable time so that one may regain the emotional and psychological equilibrium and heal the wounds, (American Psychology Association, 2012). The effects are magnificent are affect both the old and the young, but the young children are the ones who are mostly affected. There are also cases of post-divorce fights and violence that are normally experienced by those affected. In most areas, the rate at which marriages have been dissolving is alarming, in that, marriage is not as permanent as it used to be. By allowing options for people to divorce, it encourages majority of marriages to break and therefore it is the children who normally suffer from the loss as well as the separations, the same affects their studies as well as their social life and therefore, this eventually leads to them not marrying in future , (American Psychology Association, 2012). Parents’ need not wash their dirty linen in front of their children, since; it just serves to reduce the respect accorded to them which makes the situation even worse. Hence, the child needs to be shown tender love and care even when the marriage is on the rocks as this will draw the parents closer. By the parents’ showing love to one another and extending the same to the child, it will make the family closer and tighter. The Effects of divorce on children. In most cases, when parents decide on dissolving a marriage, it is often the children who suffer the most stress, as they are the ones who are dependent on their parents for most of their needs, (Weiten, 2009).This includes: food, shelter and clothing as well as love and belonging needs, safety needs. Hence, when a marriage is dissolved, a child lacks those needs. The lack of these needs leaves the children in a desperate situation as they are left weak and vulnerable with no one to turn to. The children therefore face a difficult task of adjusting to the shifts and negative changes in their lives. Children affected are forced to change schools, homes, friends as well as the luxuries they are used to. This is often a major challenge as young children are not as flexible as their parents. The amount of time they used to spend with one parent is neither there, as well as the absence of one parent often traumatizes them, (Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2008). The children often lack the comfort required by both parents and hence, end up seeking comfort from outside sources. They therefore, get to practice prostitution, drug abuse, homosexuality as well as other bad practices, since, the children lack mentors to train and guide them. The decreased standards of living often lead to desperation and acquiring of lifestyles that are not worthwhile. The children still face the responsibility of raising themselves as well as fending for themselves if the parent doe s not have a sustainable means of income. The parent may therefore, face pressure to spend more time with their children as they have to make up for the time that they were needed to spend with the other children. Children tend to hate themselves as a result of coming from broken families. They are often looked down upon by their friends and are ridiculed due to the presence of one parent in their family. This often heightens the trauma and psychological/emotional pain and headache that they feel, hence, the need for the children to undergo guidance and counseling sessions. (Lamanna & Riedmann 2009) assert that, much as there can be adjustments to the divorce, in that one may be granted the rights and privileges to see and spend time with their children, though this might take close to two years for the changes to be effected. This is because, much as the changes are effected, the damage done to the children is not reversible and therefore, the child will still suffer from the same trauma. The age of the child as well as the gender, temperament, will be able to affect the nature at which the child adjusts to the changes as well as manages to the traumatic experiences. For a young child, they are not able to easily understand why their parents’ are divorcing. For an adolescent it will be easier to understand; the young one will find it hard to adjust to the new ways of living. They often lack the parental love and hence, it affects their studies as well as the way they relate with the other children. Their milestones are also halted as a result of the divorce. Due to the nature of the cognitive abilities that the young children possess, they are often dumbfounded and affected tremendously by their parents’ divorce, (Lamanna & Riedmann 2009).This is because their coping strategies are not sufficient to handle the changes that come with the divorce. The adjustments are easier for the adolescents as compared to the young ones. Young children tend to egocentric and interested in their own needs, and they will often blame themselves for the divorce of their parents. They will therefore take it upon themselves to bring their parents together. Children tend to be needy emotionally and hence, they often project their fears which are related to abandonment and lack of love to their other peers. They will therefore display bad behaviors as they often try to hide the pain they are feeling. They are therefore distressed and worried in such instances, and the same will be reflected in their behaviors in school as well as their new neighborhood, (Lamanna & Riedmann 2009).Anger also dominates the hearts of the affected children and they may hurt themselves, for the adolescents, cases of suicide are also prevalent. The same will affect the identities and temperaments the children pick up and develop. Boys and girls often behave in different ways concerning the divorce, for girls, they will be angry and withdrawn, while the boys will become more aggressive as well as disobedient. Girls will therefore adjust easily and better to remarriages. While for the boys, they will tend to rebel as well as project their anger towards the remarriage On one hand, the relationship that the child had initially with the parent before the divorce, will affect the relation they will experience after the divorce. This is because the time they will be spending together changes. The distress of being raised by one parent often may deteriorate or build the parent-child relationship, (Bernstein, 2010). A good parent-child relationship is important for the future of the child as will affect the manner in which the child will relate with others. At times, the parent may find it difficult adjusting and coping with the stress that the divorce offers, hence, a child will get problems in adjusting to the divorce. This is because, if the parent has a weak temperament, the child will copy the same and will not be able cope with the emotional distresses associated with divorce(Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2008). They may also experience disruptions in their routines as well as studies. How well they adjust to the maladjustments, depends on the support they get from their siblings as well as parent. Divorce often deteriorates the standards of living for those affected and this often leads to issues trying to adjust to the changed status of living, (Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2008). The custodial parent on the other hand, may feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities assigned to them and may still experience shortages of time; they will therefore not spend adequate time with their children. Such children often resort to activities that may be harmful to them as well as those that will instill bad manner in them. One of the biggest problems that divorce imposes on children is the decision of whom to live with. Usually parents’ divorce when children are small and the children have no say in where they go. Since the child cannot choose, this leads to custody battles that end in split custody or joint custody, (Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2008). Whatever the choice may be between the two types of custody, either will prove detrimental to the child. In such a case, the court may decide on either spilt or joint custody. Split custody often forces the children the parent they are to live with. On the other time, this slashes the time that the child will spend with their parent. When the child live s with their single parent, the bond they had with the other parent may deteriorate. This is because the more they spend time with their parent, the more they will love them, but if the other parent is outside the picture, they remain not detached to them, By a child not seeing a parent more often, they tend forget everything about that parent, and will hence, concentrate on the remaining and available parent, (Knox & Schacht 2010). On the other hand, if they are ever moving from place to place, they will therefore not have the security required for them knowing that they belong to a particular neighborhood as they are ever on the move. The parent that spends more time with the child will be loved more and regarded as fun, on the other hand, the absentee parent, will be viewed as boring as well as will not be loved anymore by the child, as they do not interact with the child. The parent will be mandated with disciplining the child and offering guidance to the child. They will therefore dedicate their time to guiding the child in the proper way that they are to go and as a result, they will not depart from the ways that they are taught. On the other hand, joint custody, is whereby the court allows everything, including the children to be split in half. Though it is not very common, both parents are able to have regular contact with their children. This results in regular communication with their children. Though the parents do not officially live together, they often spend time together with the child, and as a result, the child will experience the love of parents, (Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2008). The runaway absentee parents often lack mutual contact with the child, and hence, this leads to very poor parent-child relationship. For split custody, the parent settles with their child in one place, as for joint custody, the child is ever moving from home to home so that they may spend time with their parent. Divorce normally creates confusion to the child, as they often juggle between various homes as well as various problems. This leads to a child development stalling as they often spend more time adjusting rather than growing up and developing. For the parent they need to be committed, as this would enable the child to have ample time with the child as well as it will assist the child adjust to the changes better, (Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2008). Divorce needs to be the last option that a parent would contemplate as it often leads to backwardness as well as stalling of the development of the entire person. By parents’ breaking the vow, it will lead to many losses, much as the parents benefit, hence, it’s of importance that the parent puts the needs of the children first, rather than their own needs. Divorce is detrimental to the health of the children, moreso, it affects them socially, mentally as well as educationally. most of them oftan face huge challenges adjusting to the current state of affairs, and tehrfore this stalls all the developmental milestones that the child had achieved. They are often faced with loneliness as well as inability to relate well with other children. this is disheartening and uncomfortable for them. please parents try to persevere and stay in the marriage for the sake of the health and well-beingof the young ones. References. American Psychology Association. (2012). Journal on Marriage and Divorce. Vol. 20 (2) Bernstein, E. (2010). Divorcee’s Guide to Marriage: Study Reveals Five common themes thet underlie most Divorces. Vol. 1. Clarke-Stewart, A., & Brentano, C. (2008). Divorce: Causes and consequences. New Haven, Conn: Yale University Press. Knox, D., & Schacht, C. (2010). Choices in relationships: An introduction to marriage and the family. Belmont, Calif: Wadsworth. Lamanna, M. A., & Riedmann, A. C. (2009). Marriages & families: Making choices in a diverse society. Belmont, Calif: Thomson Read More