Effects of Divorce on Children and the Issues Involved - Research Paper Example

Running Head: Divorce and Children Effects of Divorce on Children INTRODUCTION The termination of a marriage is a disparagingpoint and intensely stressful experience in one’s life that brings several adjustments and draws strong impact upon physical and psychological well being of the couple as well as the people closely associated with them. The children of the broken family especially become the main victim of divorce (Blaisure and Donald, 2007). The effect of divorce upon children has evolved as an important area of study for the social scientists, theorists, psychologists and scholars. At the same time most of the divorcing parents also remain highly concerned about the reaction and behaviour of their children towards their divorce. It has been unveiled that divorce draws very strong and negative impact upon the children. The mental and physical health of the children is disturbed when their lives are changed due to the separation of their parents and the difficulties in adjusting in the new setting often evolve several short and long term negative impacts upon them. Proper handling of all the issues raised from the divorce of the parents is very important to ensure the normal future life of the parents and for this, it is imperative that the parents must manage the pre and post divorce relationship in a manner that they could sustain and support their children both physically and mentally (Laumann and Emery, 2000). IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN The divorce of the parents generally acts as multiple stressors for the children. When they came to know that the things going to abruptly change for them after the divorce they are surrounded with lots of worried and uncertainty because it is not possible for them to figure out what exactly would happen to them and how their life would be managed after the separation of the parents. This uncertainty not only injects stress and depression among the children but also makes them fearful and frightened about their future. They have to cope up with the changes in their family structure brought by the divorce and then possible remarriage of the custodial partner. The situation seems highly challenging and distressing for the children because their immature minds often fail to understand several behaviours and reasons behind certain actions and ultimately their mind set is badly affected from the divorce of the parents. Children are strongly affected from the way parents deal with each other and when one partner hurts the other physically or emotionally, the children also experience stress and extreme depression. The poorly managed conflicts bring high level of apprehension among the children and it becomes particularly detrimental for the children if the parents put them in the middle of the conflicts. In some cases, the parents start using children to convey the messages between them and each of the partners tries to gain the favour of the children by showing that the other parent does not love and care for them. In this way, one parent puts the image of the other partner down by discussing the negative attributes of the partner in front of the children (Block, et al, 2010). These actions could turn very harmful for the children because in this way the children become directly and closely involved in the conflicts and when the conflicts end with the breakup of couple, the children would have negative impressions about each of the parents that was sketched in their mind by the parents their selves during the conflicts. The thinking style of the children is highly affected in such situation and they reach a high risk position of suffering from behaviour problem, depression, substance abuse and dependence. Moreover, their social skills and academic performances are strongly affected from the conflicts and divorce between the parents (Amato, 2001). The divorce of the parents tends to have very strong impact upon the children and their entire lives, social interaction patterns, academic and career progression and personality attributes are drastically altered. Children usually become sad, confused and stressful after the divorce between the parents and often feel angry for the mother or father whom they think is more responsible for the breakup. It is the responsibility of the parents that they should make the process of divorce less painful and harmful for the children through proper management of their matters before and after the divorce (Blaisure and Donald, 2007). The divorce causes stress and anxiety to the children regardless of their age, developmental level and gender however; the impact of divorce upon the children could be better understood keeping in view the age and gender of the children because the children of different ages and gender tend to take the impact of divorce in different manners. In the beginning phase post divorce period, the children commonly experience sense of vulnerability and powerlessness when they found that they have lost their intact family. Many children have no realization of the fact that the marital life of their parent was troubled and it was not possible for them to live together for long period of time (Crowder and Teachman, 2004). DIVORCE AND REACTION OF CHILDREN – SHORT TERM IMPACTS The children of different age and developmental stages tend to receive the effects of divorce in different manners and their reaction towards the divorce of the parents also tend to be different on the basis of their perception about the conflict and image and behaviours of the parents. The children of different age group react towards divorce according to their own mental level and understanding of the issue. The preschool children between 3-5 ages usually exhibit regression in achieving their recent developmental milestone. They also encounter the sleep disturbance problem and intense fear of becoming alone due to the separation from the custodial parent. The children of this age group often miss the non custodial parent and through their attitude they show their desire to have both of their parents around them (Dunn et al, 2001). The children between 6 to eight years often become able to openly grieve for the departed parents however, they usually do not react like the preschool children because their reactions are distinguished by the noted preoccupation and fantasies. They like to live in fantasy world and expect that their parents would be reunite happily in coming days and they have really harm time in understanding the concept of permanence of the divorce. They often think that everything would become the same after some time and they will also return to their past lifestyle where they would be living altogether with their parents. It seems difficult for them to understand that the separation between their parents is a permanent decision that could not be easily revert in coming days (Elioff, 2003). The children of ages 8-11 years experience the feelings of anger and powerlessness. They also feel grief reaction like the children of other age groups however; their thinking about this matter tends to be different from the children of lower age groups. The children of this age usually developed the tendency to label good and bad parents and they use to develop certain opinion about the parents keeping in view how their own needs are being fulfilled by the parents. The way parents show their care for the children play major role in deciding the children opinion about the parents and they have understanding of the fact that they have to live with one parent while the other is going to leave them (Block, et al, 2010). During the sensitive phase of adolescence the children of ages 12-18 are prone to responding towards the divorce of their parents with acute depression, suicidal ideation and even with some violent attitudes. The children of this age group are usually well aware of the conflict between the parents and they have the realization that they have lost their enact family permanently. The children often think about the moral issues surrounding divorce and use to analyze the situation using their own perceptions to judge the actions and decisions of their parents (Hetherington and Kelly, 2002). The children in the adolescence phase also think about the main conflicts and behaviour of the parents and try to decide who was right and who was wrong. Moreover, they also think about their own future life and social interaction. They become afraid of the fact that the divorce of their parents is going to affect their social contacts, future love and marital relationships. The children become more sensible and sensitive in this phase and their emotions and feelings are strongly hurt when their parents are departed. However, some children also understand that the parents were having trouble living together so they have taken the right decision to become apart from each other (Kelly and Emery, 2003). LONG TERM IMPACTS OF DIVORCE UPON CHILDREN The reaction of the children towards the divorce show the short term impact of divorce upon the children however, as the time passes there is gradual change in the behaviour and response of the children towards divorce and they have to confront the long term outcomes of the divorce of their parents. The research studies focusing upon the long term impacts of divorce upon the children have came up with the findings that in the beginning the children may experience acute stress however; in long run they receive strong impact of divorce and the psychological functioning is highly affected from the incident of their parents’ divorce happened years ago in their lives. The children of the divorced parents often face problems in adjusting in the social circles and with the custodial parent especially when the parent decides to remarry. The children always have fear and uncertainty in mind regarding the stability of interpersonal relationship because the incident they observe during the conflict and divorce of their parent remain fresh in their mind for long time and they use to perceive the behaviours of other people on the basis of their past experience. Their own love and marital relationship are affected because they have fear in mind that they will repeat the failed marital relationship like their parents. Though it does not necessarily happens all the time but fear and uncertainty remains inside the heart of the children of broken family (Laumann and Emery, 2000). The children often fail to cope up with the changes occurred to their life due to the separation of their parents. After the divorce the parents started living apart and the children have to move with either mother or father where they have to live with single parent. The children develop sense of ignorance and complex when they see children around them living with both parents and this complex become part of their personality in long run. If the custodial parent decides to remarry the children have to face the challenge of adjusting with the new parent and the behaviour of the new parent also affects the future life and behaviour of the children (Dunn et al, 2001) DIVORCE AND PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP The divorce tends to draw major impact upon the relationships of child and the parents. During the post divorce phase the departed parents face high level of stress and disturbance due to which their attitude with the children is also altered. Most of the times, the custodial mothers face high degree of disorganization and anger and found it difficult to meet the needs of their children. This is a short term reaction of the parent that affects the parent child relationships. The parents have little expectation for appropriate social behaviours of their children whereas the children become disappointed when the custodial parent fails to address their needs on immediate basis soon after the divorce. However, as the time passes this issue is mostly resolved when the custodial parent comes out of the depressing situation and starts taking care of the children in usual manner (Block, et al, 2010). The age of the children also affect the parent child relationship after the divorce of the parents. If the children are sensible enough to decide right and wrong acts of the parents they develop sympathetic feelings for the parent whom they think is in right position. The children then try to take care of the parent to assist them overcome the depression. However, if the children think that the custodial parent is responsible for the conflict and divorce they develop feelings of hatred and adopt upheaval attitude for them. The children of small age group often miss the departed parent and create disturbance for the custodial parents by showing their desire to meet and live with the departed parent. The perception of the children about the conflict and behaviours of the parents play vital role in deciding the parent children relationship in post divorce phase (Crowder and Teachman, 2004). THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS It is imperative for the parents to help their children in coping up with the divorce. They have to address their emotional and physical needs to reassure the positive attitude. The confidence level of the child personality could also be maintained when the parents show their unconditional care and love for the children even after their divorce (Amato, 2001). Before the divorce the parents have to discuss in details that how the child life would be affected and managed after their divorce. They have to prepare the answers of the questions that the children might ask them regarding the separation. It is important to have answers according to their mental level that could satisfy the children and reduce their stress. They have to assure the children that the divorce is not fault of any one of the parent but it was essential for all of them. They also have to ensure the children that both the parents will continue to love him regardless of their separation and their needs would never be neglected. The parents could get help from the psychological experts or from the appropriate books to get hold of the techniques to effectively deal with the children in post divorce era. The sensitive minds of the children must be dealt properly and the parents should avoid arguing with each others in front of the children. Moreover, they don’t have to use children as messenger to prove the fault of other partner. The child must have good image of both the parents that must not be destroyed by any one of them (Amato, 2001). The entire discussion could be sum up with the conclusion that divorces of the parent have very strong and negative impact upon the physical and psychological well being of the children. The progress of the children during different developmental stages is also affected when they have to live with single parent. The lives, emotions, coping skills, behaviour, thinking styles and relationship with the parents are completely altered after the divorce because almost all the aspects of child life receive the outcomes of the divorce of the parents. Hence, it is imperative that the parents must properly plan the post divorce period for their children to assure that the life of the children would not be ruined due to any short or long term negative impact of divorce. References Amato, P. R. (2001), Children and divorce in the 1990s: An update of the Amato and Keith (1991) meta-analysis, Journal of Family Psychology, 15, 355-370. Blaisure, K. S., Donald T. (2007), Managing Conflict during Divorce, American Association for Marriage and Family, Retrieved online from: http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/managing%20conflict%20during%20divorce.asp Block, J., M.A. Kemp, Gina, M.A., Melinda S., M.A. and Jeanne S., (2010), Children and Divorce: Helping your kids cope with the effects of separation and divorce, Retrieved online from: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm Crowder, K., & Teachman, J. (2004), Do residential conditions explain the relationship between living arrangements and adolescent behaviour? Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, pp721-738 Dunn, J., Davies, L. C., O’Connor, T. G., & Sturgess, W. (2001), Family lives and friendships: The perspectives of children in step-, single-parent, and non-step families. Journal of Family Psychology, 15, pp272-287 Elioff, S. (2003), An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents, Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine, Retrieved online from: http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002), For better or worse, New York: Norton. Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003), Children’s adjustment following divorce: Risk and resiliency perspectives. Family Relations, 52, pp352-362 Laumann-Billings, L., & Emery, R. E. (2000), Distress among young adults in divorced families. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, pp671-687 Read More