Active, Spiritual, and Autonomous at 72 - Essay Example

? Active, spiritual, and autonomous at 72 18 July Some people think that old people are sickly and controlling. But Shirley Smith, Filipino American and 72 years old, proved me wrong. I interviewed her on July 8, 2012. She had been a teacher for four decades, and she stressed that “one of the crowning achievements” of her life is seeing her students graduate, and they still remember her as their teacher and friend. Her husband died when she was only 52, and she now stays with her older daughter. She has three grandchildren, ages 11, 7, and 5. Like other older adults, she had regrets, especially those that are connected to her youth, but she does not want to change anything at all in her life. For her, “life flows and some currents we go against; some currents, we just let it bring us to where we are destined to be.” This interview taught me that many older adults are active, spiritual, and autonomous, and they want nothing more than to follow their personal goals in life, which are more spiritual and health-oriented than when they were younger. Older people continue to have goals in life, and specifically, they want to stay active and independent students of real life. Shirley said that her main goal is “staying alive by breathing.” She smiled and stated that life is no longer about money and material achievement. It revolves around the spiritual and physical self. She said: “My goals in life are to stay healthy, to spend time with family and friends, and to be with God.” She said that her greatest fear for herself is being on life support. She stressed that if she is already vegetable-like, she would rather go to God. She did not want to burden her family, though they want to take care of her. She admitted feeling sorry for herself sometimes, when she wanted to open a bottle of milk, and she could not: “I don’t like self-pity. But sometimes, I feel it. But I don’t dwell on it.” Shirley underscored that she keeps herself active by walking everyday and doing some gardening. She also reads novels, mostly historical ones: “I am history and I love history too. It makes sense, right?” Shirley thinks that she has a different purpose in life now: “My purpose is to reflect and to share my learning with others, such as young people like you.” Shirley also believes that she learns more, as she grows old. She is open to new ideas and practices: “An old dog can learn new tricks, if it wants to.” She wants to be “one of the oldest students of real life.” Older adults have regrets and frustrations, but they emphasize the happiness and achievements of their lives more. Shirley said that her regret is that she married at 28, when she could have waited a few more years. It is not that she did not love her husband, because James is the love of her life. But she said that she had problems balancing career and family interests. She remembered not being able to attend several critical conferences, because she had to stay at home and take care of her children. She did not trust nannies, because one time, her daughter almost drowned, because the teenage nanny was on the phone all the time. Shirley does not regret motherhood, however: “Motherhood changes women. It makes them complete. It makes them stronger and fiercer in facing life.” Shirley said that the happiest moments of her life are numerous, because she is an in-the-moment kind of person: “I appreciate simple and grand moments in life. My happiest moments are seeing the milestones of my children and students.” Shirley is a proud teacher: “I teach chemistry to high school students. Many of them graduate from my class with high grades, because they say I inspired them to study harder.” She believes that: “Teachers have roles beyond teaching. They are parents too, who want to impart hope, inspiration, and confidence to their students, their children.” She narrated that some of her former students continue to visit her, or to write to her up to now: “I am their friend.” For her family, the happiest moments are their milestones during childhood, and their achievements as adolescents and adults. She said that she wanted them to have more balanced student lives, because she said she was too academic-centered before. She is happy that her children had other sports or arts interests, and they had good grades in school too. Shirley noted: “When they graduated, I felt so elated. I felt like flying in happiness.” She underscored that her children and students are her gems in life. This essay proceeds to my personal reaction, where I am surprised that Lily admits that her life is better today than when she was younger, because now, she has time for herself. She said: “Old age is a blessing. I don’t have to think of how much I should earn to send my children to school. I don’t have to fear losing my job. I don’t have to spend my days and nights taking care of my children and husband.” Shirley is a typical example of a mother, who sacrifices a great deal of personal time and goals for the welfare of her children. When asked about the memorable moments of her life during her 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s, she said that for her 20s, it was about her work as a high school teacher. She was “obsessed with teaching and ensuring the welfare” of her students. During her 30s, she got pregnant and experienced the joys and challenges of being a working mother. Her husband is a soldier, so she felt like a single parent most of the time. From her 40s to 50s, she dedicated her life to rearing her three children and sending them to school. She emphasized that she paid most of their college tuition and needs, so they graduated with minimal college debt. Her eldest Lily is now a dentist, Lorenzo is a software engineer, and Lilibeth is a nurse. At her 60s, her children married, and now, she has three grandchildren that she adores. She noted that her grandchildren look more like her, or her husband, than her children. Shirley stressed that growing old is a peaceful process with ups and downs, like any other life stages. Shirley stressed: “I like the older me. I have me-time. I have time for my God. I feel at peace.” She added that as long as older people are healthy, growing old is not painful, physically and emotionally: “I feel that growing old is not so bad, as long as you don’t have all those terrible lifestyle diseases. The hardest thing is when some good friends and relatives are dying or are dead. The best thing is being free from material concerns.” She said that since she had an active lifestyle during her youth, she expected to continue this until her senior years. She felt that her hypertension kept her back from doing some of her plans, like traveling sometimes, but at least, she is physically strong and healthy. I felt much better about old age after talking to Shirley, because I learned about preparing for it, where she stressed that it takes mind, body, and spiritual activities to strengthen people for later adulthood. Shirley said that no one can really be prepared for old age, especially when people have high expectations about their mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. She maintained that the best preparation concerns staying emotionally, physically, and intellectually active, as one grows old. Shirley noted that her parents are still alive. Her mother is 89 years old, while her father is 93 years old. She wanted to bring them to America, but they declined. They preferred living in their hometown, where they continue to take care of their crops and some plants in their land in the mountains. Shirley said: “My folks are insane. They hobble as they walk, but my father still plants rice, while my mother cultivates root crops in the mountains. But you know what? I envy them. They do not have hypertension or diabetes. They are strong and independent. That’s wonderful, right?” Shirley stressed that staying active and healthy during adulthood is important for old age. Throughout her youth, she did not smoke and drink alcohol. She walks an hour in the morning every day, wherever she might be. She also does not eat pork and fast food, since she turned 60. She eats fish, chicken, and vegetables. She loves mango, guyabano, and dragon fruit. Finally, Shirley emphasized the role of being spiritually active in growing old. It is not even about going to Church every Sunday, though she does that, or being active in Church activities, which she does too. For her, spiritual strength is about being at peace with one’s God: “It is acknowledging His work in my life and letting go of everything. I used to be so anxious. But I shed my worrying self. I submit myself to God. And it feels so good to know that God drives my life. I am just a passenger now and I love it.” For me, she has prepared for old age, and she is rewarded for it with a healthy spirit and body and a happy family. I thought that older adults were sickly, childish, and controlling, but now, I learned that they can also be strong, loving, generous, and independent. My grandparents lived far from us, and I seldom interacted with older people, so I have very skewed ideas about them. All I know is that some of my friends complained that their grandparents are so strict and controlling. One of my friends said that her grandmother is childish, because she wanted everyone to pay attention on her needs and wants only. Some of my friends stressed that they hate getting old, because they do not want to be sickly and weak. Jill even said: “If I reach 70 and I am on a respirator, I would rather die. I hate not being able to do my stuff. Old age sucks.” When I met Shirley, she opened my eyes to the beauty of getting old. She is an example of an older adult, who has some sickness, but not necessarily physically impaired because of it. She is a role model for me, because she appreciates her life, including her old age. How wonderful it must be to think of no one else, but oneself! I also remember my parents and think about how much they sacrifice for me and my siblings. Moreover, one of the things I like about old adults is that they have a satisfactory explanation for a good life. I asked Shirley about her idea of a good life or a successful life and she said: “A good life is looking back and knowing you did your best in all that you had to do. It means taking risks and loving and being changed by loving. Success is measured not in wealth, but in the happiness you get from yourself, as well as from family and friends.” I agree with her that a good life is being proud of your past. It may not be perfect, but I want to have the feeling that I gave my all and because of my efforts, I helped my family and myself along the way. The interview ended with positive vibes; I learned that growing old is not so bad after all. I discovered that many older adults are active and enjoy and prefer independence and spirituality. They are people who are at peace with what they have done and who they are at present. They have frustrations in life, but they do not dwell on it. They appreciate their achievements and find happiness in their present and future activities. They still have goals in life, only that they are centered on enjoying life and learning from it, as well as sharing their lessons about life with others. Older adults have different concerns and experiences than young adults. When compared to punctuation marks, their life is not a period, but still a question mark, asking about more good things to come and what they can do with it. Read More