College Dating in Modern Times - Research Paper Example

? College Dating In Modern Times College dating evolved from the old practices of courting and searching for a suitable lifepartner. In the modern world it reflects the varying cultural backgrounds and values of the student body; individuals of which may decide to take part in ‘modern courtship’, exclusive dating, casual dating or hook ups. Dating, in one form or the other, helps in self discovery, meeting new people, maintaining interactions with like minded people and social enjoyment as college student. Long distance relationships shed lights on the utilization of and comfort with technological advances in communication. Being ignorant towards the culture of dating does a disservice to the modern youth as they still need guidance in this aspect of their lives, especially in the light of recent trends in unhealthy and abusive relationships taking place in college campuses, which can have long term negative effects on their personality. College Dating In Modern Times ‘Love’ is one of those basic emotions which has eluded and attracted the human imagination since the beginning of time. One of the basic needs of the average person is the attainment of companionship which is nurturing and provides comfort along with sexual satisfaction. This need has been defined by the various cultures and societies of the world as establishing a long lasting relationship with one person which is emotionally beneficial to both the parties and ultimately leads to the biological necessity of reproducing and propagating the human race. Marriage is the institution which provides the structure for this relationship. However, the process of finding that one person with whom to share your life and responsibilities with and reaching the stage of marriage is not so straightforward. Human nature and the complexities of our environment have together helped to evolve the different social rules and norms of communicating and forming bonds with potential companions. Adolescents and the youth are generally the ones involved in the practice of seeking out a new partner. While in the bygone eras, arranged matches and ‘courtship’ were the main rituals through which people were joined in matrimony; the landscape of the modern times has favored the idea of ‘dating’. With a large pool of youth aged 17-24 expected to be college educated in the 21st century, the college setting has become the main area of concentration for modern dating. In critically defining dating, several factors come into consideration. In its traditional form dating was preclude to establishing sexual intimacy between consenting adults and males tended to be the controlling party in initiating, planning and financing the dates. But recent trends in college dating have taken two separate directions. While one direction keeps the basic structure of dating but includes concepts of gender equality the other direction completely changes the purpose of dating redefining it as ‘hook ups’. (Miller et al., 2008). The ‘Hook up’ culture favors short sexual encounters over maintaining long term exclusive relationships. Bereft of the emotional complications and commitments requirements, it is one of the most noticeable trends spreading in college campus. When trying to answer the question of “What role should dating play in college students’ lives?” people tend to take an alarmist or indifferent view regarding the impact dating has on college students, especially with trends like hook ups. The thing to keep in mind is that the dating culture is divided and differentiated into many sections and subsections. Dating needs and etiquettes differ with the background, personality and unique perceptions of the student body; sometimes it is difficult for students themselves to define what exactly is dating and what are their expectations when they are pursuing another person for a romantic date night (Seirup, 2009). This complexity is exactly why the concept of dating should play such an important role in the life of a college student. College is a time of growth, development and new experiences. Students gain the emotional capabilities needed to survive in the real world situations and learn how to effectively communicate their needs. Self discovery, exploring your value base and interacting with different people are important parts of this process and central to it are the dating experiences. Ignoring this aspect of college life is a disservice to the young people who still need guidance and help in navigating their important life decisions- choosing a romantic partner as well as the ‘type’ of dating a college student indulges in is not only a reflection of the life they have led so far but also shapes their future expectations, plans and personality. The dating aspect has a part in the life of every student on campus, and if chosen correctly the support and companionship they gain from dating greatly improves their life quality. Disproving the notion that dating and hookups have reduced the sacredness of the institution of marriage are the students who exclusively take part in “modern courtship’. Seirup defines this trend as “non-serial exclusive dating with the intention of marriage...non-serial dating is that when you choose to date someone, it is your every intention to marry them...In this way, while you may court more than one person, that action is not serialized by your intention being to date many people" (2009). In a way it is the antithesis of the serial hook up, while both allow students to express themselves and their preferred style of relationships, courtship caters to those students who want to preserve the culture of marriage and may not wish to take part in pre marital relationships. Such students place a great value on the idea of commitment and loyalty and by making marriage their main criteria they hope to find similarly minded individuals to share a bond with. Often belonging to orthodox religious families or cultures these students have found a way to incorporate their value system into everyday dating lifestyle. It is a good example of learning to adapt to different environments while remaining true to yourself and as such should be given due consideration. The other mainstream styles of dating are the casual and the exclusive dating categories. Designed for the mass student bodies the former refers to simple one-on-one interactions with the attractive sex which allow you to enjoy yourself while getting to know another person on an intimate basis and the latter is in favor of restricting yourself to dating just one person with expectations of fidelity, companionship and a long term relationship. While exclusive dating sometimes does reach the preferred conclusion of marriage that is not the basic intention of starting such a relationship. In fact putting spousal preferences in mind when entering into the dating environment takes away one of the major benefits provided by dating, that of meeting new people and learning how to be comfortable with them. It’s too much to expect that every date that a student gets asked out for will be by someone who matches the characteristics that said student wants in a spouse, but every dating incident does allow for social enjoyment, some company and the chance to get self insights while hopefully making a new friend. In both cases it is the interaction factor which is important rather than the commitment factor. As some put it, college is not the time when a person should be tied down. It is one of those unique settings when students are free to pursue their passions and plan for their future, casual or exclusive dating gives them the choice to experience romantic relationships without having to make life changing commitments and decisions. The interesting phenomenon of ‘Long distance dating’ is also one of the more high involvement experiences for the students which have long lasting impact on their emotional education. The perception on long distance dating, backed by empirical research is that as difficult as it is to maintain one, long distance rarely deliver the benefits the participants are hoping to cultivate. The persons involved in such relationships are seen to be less loyal and more emotionally distant and chances of the relationship ending are high (Skinner, 2005). However, it is interesting to watch how the long distance relationships evolve as modern students start to adapt to the increasing efficiency of telecommunication and as their digital lives become more important than ever. The utilization of these tools in maintaining long term relationships will eventually result in defining their comfort level with modern day communication and using technological tools to invoke emotional intimacy. Keeping the same thread, it is undeniable that the college dating experiences have a profound effect on the student’s life. While many emerge stronger and more secure from these experiences, for some these adolescent trysts will result in harrowing memories and negative effects which will shape their ideas and personality as they age. These trends have to be kept under scrutiny to save the students from making mistakes and aiding them in situations which they are uncomfortable with. These can range from indulging in promiscuous behavior due to high alcohol use, to being unable to identify and differentiate between supporting and abusive relationships. There is a disturbing trend that suggests there might be a correlation between college aged individuals and unhealthy relationships, and the ignorance of the participants to be able to recognize instances of verbal and psychological abuse (Cofone, 2011). Female college students also attempt to normalize or accept violent behavior as a part of college dating and without any one to guide them, they may reach to a point where they suffer extreme biological, physical and psychological effects as a result of those relationships. While these incidents form a small percentage of the overall college dating landscape, most of which is comprised of exciting new ventures and healthy learning experiences, they are still significant enough to bring the role of college dating in the life of students into the limelight. College dating in modern times is an inevitable truth. In their own way all students involve dating into their campus life and what they experience help to shape their future personalities and lives. By accepting the crucial role dating plays in the youth culture the academia and institutions can work towards helping students gain the desired benefits from their relationships and counter the dark sides of college dating which are inevitable truths as well. What one cannot do is to ignore the idea of ‘Dating’ itself and label it as frivolous. References Miller, J., Ramirez, J., Smith, W., Rohlfsen, N. & Virkler, K. (2008). Dating and Hookups: A look at intimate experiences among current college students. Sociology/Anthropology 371: Foundations of Social Science Research,Saint Olaf College. Retrieved from: http://www.stolaf.edu/depts/sociology/major/371/datingandhook-upspaper.htm Cofone, K. (2011). Understanding College Students Perceptions of Unhealthy Dating Relationships. Social Work Student Papers, Paper 75. Retrieved from: http://digitalcommons.providence.edu/socialwrk_students/75 Seirup, E.G. (2009). College Dating. Talking Back: Student Writers Speak Out, Vol.3, Issue: 1. Retrieved from: http://writing.colostate.edu/gallery/talkingback/v3.1/seirup.htm Skinner, B. (2005). Perceptions of College Students in Long Distance Relationships. UW-L Journal of Undergraduate Research VIII. Retrieved from: http://www.uwlax.edu/urc/JUR-online/PDF/2005/skinner.pdf Read More