Difference in Relationship of Parents with their Only Child or Child with Siblings - Research Paper Example

Difference in Relationship of Parents with their Only Child or Child with Siblings Only child or single child is a child with no siblings. In United States, it has been found that over 20 million households are parenting a single child. This paper will analyze the difference in parents relationship with a single child and a child with siblings and its impact on their achievements and personality. There are several theories about difference in behavior and personality of a single child and a child with siblings. This paper will provide a guide for parents that will help them in raising their only child. This paper is divided into four parts. The first part will describe the literature review of personality differences of children with siblings and a single child. Second part will explain the main differences of only child and child with siblings in terms of personality and achievement etc. Third part will provide a guideline for parents for raising their only child. Fourth part will provide the main problems that can be appeared in the personalities of single children and also describe sources that can provide help and guidance for parents to raise their only child in a healthy manner. Scientific Research There are several theories about the personalities of single child and child with siblings. G. Stanley was one of the first experts that only child are stereotyped as they are spoiled, selfish and bratty. In China, one child policy also provides the results of stereotypes and only child feels like little emperors and for these type of behaviors, terminology “Little Emperor Syndrome” is used (Peterson, 1986). Researchers describe that these types of behaviors occur because of over attention and over indulgence of parents. Most of the recent researches found no personality difference in only child and child with siblings. A quantitative review of 141 studies on 16 different personality traits gives the opinion that only children are not very different from children with siblings. In all these, they did not find even one person with personality like stereotyped (Peterson, 1986). Main Difference in Relationship Personality and Achievement Every child has to face unique circumstances and special opportunities. Parents should remember that there are many benefits available to their single child. Almost every single child misses his/her sibling as built in, readily available companion and playmate. But on the other side single child will never has to face rivalry, fighting, arguing or teasing. Most of the researches find that single children have more achievement motivation as compared to the children with siblings. The only child behaves like adults before their age as they are living most of their time in the company of adults. The company of adults make them mature before time. Most of the time “only child” is translated into “lonely child”. But in reality it is not so. Single child is more able to learn appropriate and profitable ways to find personal enjoyment as well as personal understanding. Some times personal enjoyment and personal understanding can create some problems for only-children in developing the ability of sharing, competing and cooperating with peers (Taylor, 2012). The basis of all these skills are trust, respect, courtesy and nobility of mind and all these skills can mainly learned through interactions with adults. Single child have more exposure of adults interactions. Single child may find initial difficulty in child to child interactions but with time he/she will be more able of stronger and healthier grasp of social exchange even with children. For developing peer related skills parents should provide their single child regular interaction with other children. As explained above the basis of social skills can mainly come from the interaction with adults and single child have more exposure of adult interaction. For developing proper social skills parents must model proper behaviors for their single child and also recognize that learning to get along with other children take time and they should not expect their single child a substantial progress immediately. Parents should use gradual approach of regular exposure to peers. Before the age of two years children do not play with each other so occasional visits with other children are sufficient. Between the age of two and four years meaningful interaction start to take place so that during toddler hood part time day care or participation in play group would be appropriate. After the age of four years genuine friendship begins to form so that enrollment in nursery school or kindergarten would be highly recommended (Taylor, 2012). Most of the researches found that the grammar, vocabulary and syntax of a single child is more stronger than children with siblings (Morgan, Brugha, Fryers & Stewart-Brown, 2012 ; Taylor, 2012). Single child is likely to experience a large exposure of adult conversation so that he is more able to learn strong linguistic skills. It is also found that most of the single children are achievement oriented. As they are the only child of their parents all hopes centre to them. As discussed above, the single child spent more time in the company of adults so they seem more adult like before their age. The school age tests are heavily dependent upon strong language skills and the linguistic skills of single child is stronger than their peers. In this way they get higher grades in all these tests but inexperienced teachers may not realize that this maturity is more superficial and they put higher expectations from these single children. According to research, children aged 7-8 years are egocentric and those aged between 10-12 are less to normal in their behaviors (Morgan, Brugha, Fryers & Stewart-Brown, 2012). This shows that the external environment helps the children overcome their mental cobwebs in normal circumstances. Regardless of the fact that their is a single child or not, the parents increasing protective nature and pampering style negatively affects the growth of the child. Therefore, it is significant that how parents express their love to their children to ensure that their offspring health develops. Guidelines for Parents in Raising Their Only Child Raising any child in healthy manner is very difficult and challenging for every parent. But raising an only child is sometimes different for parents. Here are some of the important guidelines for parents of only-child to follows: Parents should involve their children in day to day matters but must be ensure that they should not expose those activities that are inappropriate and excessive for them. Parents should not prolonged infantile care as they unconsciously seek to extend his babyhood by continuing to feed, bathe, dress and clean up even when he is capable of doing all this. Parents should not interrupt their only child in attempting a task or completing a project by giving them prior instructions. This will help them in building independent behavior. Parents should avoid over protectiveness. They should avoid behaviors like keeping their child constantly in sight, keeping child’s hand even there is no danger or refusing to let him take risks. Because such behaviors are harmful rather good. Parents should avoid over indulgence by giving their only child appropriate attention and material items. Parents should have focus on resolving the problems of their only child and should avoid themselves and their child blaming of lack of siblings. In this way child will not feel indifferent from children with siblings. Parents should avoid higher expectations from their only child because it will put excessive pressure on him and it is harmful. Parents should avoid of being “Perfect Parent Syndrome” as this is the common problem in the parents of only child. This terminology is used when parents put pressures on themselves to do everything exactly right for the first time. The desire to be proficient in raising child is admirable but chronic perfectionism can destroy the spontaneity and flexibility that are important parts of good parenting. Parents should provide frequent exposure of younger companion to their only child because it is important for intellectual growth. When families went on vacations or for watching movies, children have different perspective on the experience than adults. For this parents should allow their only-child to invite a friend, in this way he can also share his experience of the event with someone of his own mindset. When going to Sunday dinners or holiday celebrations, parents should make sure that their only child has an age mate at such functions with whom he can play and converse. As only children do not experience sibling’s rivalry and competence they can find difficulty in social interactions. Parents should provide them good model of social behaviors and should also provide them gradual interaction with their age mates. Preference in styles and fashions are different for children and adults. Parents should allow their only child to invite a friend who can help him by giving suggestions and also can compensate the need of siblings. Parents should help their only child to build healthy relationship with friends. As they do not have in built support system in terms of siblings but friends should be available for sharing the times of sorrows and troubles. Parents should avoid interference of the relationship of marriage of their only child with their spouse because this will help them, to build stronger relationship. Parents should avoid over dependence on their only child for happiness and interests of life, by building personal life and marriage. Parents should establish their own financial resources so that they would not be dependent, on their only child, in their senior years. Common Problems Faced by Single Child and Parents Some of the common problems that are raised in only children while developing peer related skills. A child who spends most of their time of early years in the company of adults may find difficulties in developing their relationship with peers. For solving these problems parents should watch the following indications of potential problems. They may find difficulty in making best friends or even hasn’t their best friend ever. Always make friends with major age gap. Make friends of only one sex. Can not make friends for long time. Do not make friends without parent’s approval. Can not make good relationship with peers or regularly express frustration with peers. Regularly fighting with friends. Did not show interests in involving extracurricular activities. Find shyness and hesitation in team sports. Thinking that every problem occur because of lack of siblings. Frequently complaining about being lonely. Find more association with troubled children such as truants or delinquents. Repeatedly giving statements like I am the only one who can do this? Avoiding interaction with peer and more preferably involve in solitary activities like playing with computers. Parents should avoid all these types of indications before turning into serious problems. Parents should involve their children in extracurricular activities and should also help them in building good relationship with friends. Parents of only child should be prepared to handle special situations properly. Sources for Information and Assistance of Parents Raising any child is very difficult and demanding. The parents of only child may find unusual circumstances that can further complicate the process. Every parent must be mentally prepared to handle these unusual situations properly. Parents can also contact some sources for information and assistance. Early childhood teacher can help parents to establish general practices in raising child and can also assist parents to develop suitable strategies for compensating lack of siblings (Skouterisa, McCabea, Ricciardellia, Milgromb, Baurc, Aksand & Dell’Aquilaa, 2012). Conclusion There are different opinion of people about the advantages and disadvantages of only child. Peterson shares his personal experience as he wrote in his article, Parents and the only child, that he being the only child really enjoys all pleasures of life and also full attention and devotion of his parents. Another writer Taylor shares his personal experience that he did not enjoy the company of his siblings because his parents expects more maturity from him as being the eldest child in their family. Therefore, it is concluded that everything has its advantages and disadvantages too. And most important thing is that every parent should raise their child in healthy environment so that he can become best human being. References Morgan, Z, Brugha, T, Fryers, T & Stewart-Brown, S. “The effects of parent-child relationship on later life mental health status in two national birth cohorts”, Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology 47.5(2012):671-842. Web 22 April 2012. Link:http://www.springerlink.com/content/d182w3j152650754/ Peterson, James I. “Marital Disruption, parent-child relationships, and behavior problems in children”, Journal of Marriage and Family 48.2(1986):295-307. Web 22 April 2012. Link: http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/352397?uid=3738832&uid=2&uid=4&sid=56071218303 Skouterisa, Helen, McCabea, Marita, Ricciardellia, Lina A., Milgromb, Jeannette, Baurc, Louise A., Aksand, Nazan & Dell’Aquilaa, Daniela. “Parent-child interactions and obesity prevention: a systematic review of the literature” Early Child Development and Care 182.2 (2012): 153-174. Web 22 April 2012. Link: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03004430.2010.548606 Taylor, Jhazmin. “The relationship between parent perception of child weight, parent feeding style, and child BMI among low income African American Preschoolders”, McNair Research Scholars Journal 2(2012). Web 22 April 2012. Link: http://commons.emich.edu/mcnair/vol4/iss1/8/ Read More