Adult Children and the Relationships with their Parents - Research Paper Example

? "Adult Children And The Relationships With Their Parents" Parents are constantly worried about their wards, in a similar manner apprehension is also observed in adults for their parents. Not much studies have been conducted on this relationship but, a fewer studies highlight the fact that worry is the most prevalent aspect in parent and adult relationship. Such worries are concerned with the physical as well as mental well being. Adult children are apprehensive about their aging parents health, while parents are worried about the health, well being, safety, relationship with peers, partner, financial matters of their adult children. Parents are more worried about the quality of relationship their children have, their predisposition and their position in the society. Strained parental relationships directly influence the psychology of the children and this childhood framed psychology has the lasting implications on the life of the children. The current article presents the research conducted to understand the relationship between the parents and their adult children in the psychological perspective and its propositions on the personality. Introduction Every individual is different and possess special characteristics which define the temperament, persona and individuality. Personality of the individual is an amalgamation of psychology, behavior, outlook, orientation, thinking, aptitude, socialization, communication, moral values and culture in which the individual is groomed. The complete persona of any individual portrays the kind of parenting being provided as well as home atmosphere in which the child was nurtured. An understanding towards deliberations, thinking, feelings and actions that are being displayed by an individual are the direct implications of the parents nature and nurture. These parameters shape the personality of the child and discover applications in every aspect of life, which later on are responsible for the physical and mental well being, ability to cope with the circumstances, ergonomics implicating stress and daily life. The mental makeup of the individual is basically driven by psychological upbringing and plays a vital role in defining, shaping the perception and motives. A positive individual finds out the possible solution to any problem, reacts towards an imposed condition, commit to memory and thoughts, paving way for the cognitive outcome. A positive and motivated individual is sure to maintain harmony and discipline, thereby contribute towards the development of the society. Such individuals stay away from violence, preach non-violence, optimism and constructivism in thoughts, deeds and actions. These actions depict the kind of encouragement and care provided by the parents. A climate of change towards positivism and constructivism is the most resonating chapter in the stressful life of the current epoch. An emotional support from the parents, not only motivates the adult but also generates confidence, a feeling of positive approach in every facet of life. Such individuals are mentally healthy and contribute to the progress of the humanity. On the contrary, if the relations between the parents are strained or parents are separated or divorced, it leads to the chances of culminating strained relation with the others and especially with partner (Amato, 2010). The childhood perception of the family atmosphere is very crucial for nurturing psychology. As the child is groomed in an uncongenial atmosphere or if the parents are divorced or use abusive languages which keep the child away from the love and affection well deserved by the child, implications are seen in the form of marital circumstances of the child (Amato, 2010). The feeling of disbelief, distrust as well as suspicious temperament persist in the individual. Such feelings play vital role in the relationship established with others. Most of the research studies highlight the fact that children experiencing divorce finds difficult to mend relationship with their partners as compared to the children being groomed in an intact family (Peterson & Zill, 1986). Studies are being carried out to a lesser extent in this regard, but most of the researchers conclude that parents and their adult children worry about one another in relation to their perception about the circumstances. Both have different perspectives which could be positive or negative. Positive perspectives nurture congenial atmosphere and is always progressive but negative perspectives leads to arguments as well as strain (Fingerman & Lefkowitz, 2007). Difference of opinion persists between an adult and the parents because of the changing outlook; as there is a generation gap and both have their own share of experiences to perceive the situation and react accordingly. Dissimilarity of judgment may lead to negative emotional outcomes culminating into widening the differences. According to Shapiro (2004), a strong generation and age difference persists between the parents and their adult children in vision for their ties. Parents analyze their ties more positively than their adult children. According to Fingerman et al, (2007), older adult children and older parents perceive their relationship in a more positive manner as compared to the younger adult children and younger parents; highlighting the fact that the kind of apprehension present in younger parents and younger adult children is induced by the competitive environmental factors. The outlook of a person, an access to the technology, the kind of exposure one gets during the upbringing years pave the way for a different perception and this germinates the seeds of conflicts, difference of opinion as well as misunderstanding. In a study carried out by Hay et al,(2008), worry from both sides, i.e. parents about their adult children and adult children about their parents, is the common feature. Worry is governed as the most salient feature persisting in this relationship and this is examined with age and generation gap and this worry may be attributed to the quality of relationship. Adult Children's worries- Health is one of the most imperative concern as one ages. In today's scenario job opportunities are not confined to a particular geographical area rather it is global. Adult children have to leave their parents and move to earn their livelihood and procure better prospects in career as well as life. This leaves a great apprehension in their minds; regarding their parents well being and health, they are highly concerned and they always try to sort out ways to comfort and care for their aging parents. According to Fingerman et al, (2007), research studies carried out to understand the relationship between the parents and their adult children suggests that adult children are extremely sensitive to the changes in their parents health and capabilities to perform their day-to-day pursuits. However, as the adult children reach their middle age they themselves have other responsibilities of spouse and children, finances, household accountabilities. Study carried out by Hay et al, (2008), indicate that adult children also have worries related to finances of parents when they retire, household responsibilities and other related issues, besides health. With the prolonged life expectancy, adults have to bear more responsibilities for a longer duration of time. As old age accompanies health problems, apprehensions also mounts. The financial burden often generates stress and adults may suffer relationship turmoil between the parents and spouse, generating further pressure. In case of chronic illness or due to some ailment where hospitalization becomes a compulsion, adult children have to bear all the expenses and they may face financial crunch. These become a matter of great concern, taking leave from the work and attending ailing parent seems like a tussle and one lacks concentration at work, not able to devote time for the ailing parent creating a mess. Not much suggestions are provided as the result outcome to have a cognitive dealing for such a situation. Increasing competition a work place, shortage of job opportunities, rising population, rising hands, where people are ready to work even at low wages to fulfill their daily requirements, inflation, augmenting prices of essential commodities and besides all these expanding responsibilities may result in conflict between the parents and the adults. Relationship therefore requires an understanding. It is difficult for adults to meet all the demands of children and parents. In order to keep everyone happy, some of the adults may indulge themselves in shortcuts of life to earn more in less time, which may be hazardous to their profession, ethics and may be a setback to the parents as well. Further, research is required to understand the anxiety level of the adults and their carrying capacity. The carrying capacity of the individual depends on the personality, the psychology set during the upbringing and formative years, the social interactions, the exposure of the adult as well as the ability to deal with the tough situations, self-confidence, a trust and empathy towards everyone. The support and understanding of the parents is highly desired by an adult under such conditions. Parents' worries Parents under normal conditions stop worrying about their adult children. Once their adult children get job and are settled half of their worries are over. Research studies considering these parameters highlight the fact that parents do worry about their adult children. These worries are related with the well-being, job prospects, education, safety, ability to bear the responsibility of children and family, but parents' endurance always help the children even though they are adult, adults also need guidance and share their experiences with parents to march ahead. (Fingerman et al, 2007). As per the research carried out by the Hay et al, (2008), parents provide greater support to their adult children and always strive to guide them in the most appropriate and desired manner. Parents' aspirations, hopes and goals are pinned on the progress and happiness in all aspects of their adult children. Conclusion The relationship between the adult and parents is not widely studied subject. However, with the little information gathered it could be concluded that a bond of affection is developed between the child and the mother in the womb, which is nurtured by the father; any missing link could keep the child deprived of the affection and influences the developing psychology of the child. This psychological implications have the lasting consequences, it is depicted in career, socialization, personal relationship, dealing with others and hence the bond and relationship should be regarded as the most eternal bonding which will cultivate the crop as per the seeds. It is the need of time that the bond should be strengthened with empathy, mutual understanding and beliefs. Further research is desired in this area where the methods fortifying the relationship must be emphasized to make the society a better place to live in, as this bond is the foundation of the society. References Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments, Journal of Marriage & Family, 72, 650-666. Fingerman, K. L., Hay, E. L., Kamp Dush, C. M., Cichy, K. E., & Hosterman, S. (2007). Parents’ and offspring’s perceptions of change and continuity when parents experience the transition to old age. In T. J. Owens (Series Ed.) & T. J. Owens & J. J. Suitor (Vol. Eds.), Advances in life course research: Vol. 12. Interpersonal relations across the life course (pp. 275-306). Oxford, UK: Elsevier. Hay, E. L., Fingerman, K. L., Lefkowitz, E. S. (2008). The Worries Adult Children And Parents Experience For One Another. Int'l Aging and Human Development, 67(2), 101-127. Peterson, J. L. & Zill, N. (1986). Marital disruption, parent-child relationships, and behavior problems in children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 48, 295-307. Shapiro, A. (2004). Revisiting the generation gap: Exploring the relationships of parent/adult-child dyads. International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 58, 127-146. Read More