How Positive Psychology Can Benefit Children Of Divorced Parents - Research Paper Example

? "How Positive Psychology Can Benefit Children Of Divorced Parents" The aim of this study is manifold. The primary motive is to seek perfunctory knowledge of positive psychology as a distinct school of thought and to understand its significance in framing the psychology of the child who is deprived of love and care provided by both parents together. The study involves an attempt to constructively and productively implement what is learnt through social psychology states in real life settings. The goal is systemic process of empirical research, self-evaluation, and proactive execution of knowledge gained over the time. The article accentuates that by pinpointing individual divergences and by adapting oneself to meet the challenges put upon by the peer as well as social circle, a more pragmatic mode of thoughts could be generated to enable an individual to pertain an understanding gained through social psychological research for a more assuaging and satiating life. Children of the divorced parents experience some disturbance on the social front and, therefore, they need a lot of care affection and positive outlook towards life to cope with the circumstances and lead a respectful life. Introduction Present epoch witnesses an increasing prevalence of separation and divorce of adults having children. 50% of the marriages every year end in a divorce rendering 1 million children as a product of separated parents (Taylor, 2005). Besides the efforts for mediation, parents are found to be obstinate for reconciliation. Children belonging to families portraying higher degree of marital conflicts show trouble in varied aspects which directly display the intensity of the issues between the parents. The growing psychology and the development of the child are directly influenced by such actions of parents. In certain cases it is observed that children belonging to families with higher level of marital conflict tend to build up apprehensive attachment approach as compared to the children belonging to the families displaying little marital differences. Parental dispute followed by separation represents a situation of great stress for both children and parents. Some of the major reasons for a stressful situation after divorce encompass psychological impact of failure of vital relationships, monetary crisis, repartnering (Scherrer & Louw, 2004). Psychologists believe that divorced parents lack in providing congenial atmosphere to their children. A nurturing and warm atmosphere is required for the appropriate upbringing of the children, and this is contributed together by parents. In such an atmosphere, children feel free and their confidence level is also elevated as compared to the children belonging to the divorced parents. A psychological impact in their behavior could be observed as they are not fearful and face day-to-day pursuits with confidence. They are not afraid of observing conflict and feel the warmth of love and affection of parents. According to Hetherington et al, (2003), "the breakdown of the traditional family destroys the basic fabric of American society and contributes to a vast array of social problems that will carry on into future generations". Another study carried out by the Wallerstein et al (2000), further emphasizes the fact that strong negative impact of parental separation is observed in the children who have divorced parents. As the psychological implications are deep seated, negative consequences persists throughout their lives and such disturbed psychology is passed to future generations too. Besides criticism the study gained prevalence to understand the psychological implication on the young and budding minds. As psychology involves behavior as well as understanding of mind, discernment, cognition, feelings, deeds and actions carried out by an individual, it becomes imperative for the parents to deal with the situation in a mature manner with patience to inculcate confidence and help the child to overcome the predicaments of divorce or separation of the parents. Various factors influence the child's psychological upbringing involving physical character as well as external factors that also involve the extended family together with the social milieu that persuades the child's resilience to manage parental divorce (Naglieri et al, 2005). However, children's well being is influenced by their parents especially after divorce or separation. Parents have control on certain parameters to modulate the developing psychology of children. Control on the conflict, minimizing or avoiding hostile arguments, the superiority and eminence of parenting that single parent could provide to the child or children as well as the feature that is of paramount significance is child-parent relationship together with own welfare and ability to lead a functional life where demands of children and self has to be fulfilled in a an excellent manner. Although in majority of the cases mothers are provided with the custody of the children. If mother is incapable to meet the daily pursuits it germinates stress in the children also. On the contrary, if the mother knows to manage with the stress a loving parent child relationship could bring an influential positive impact on children besides managing multifaceted challenges in her own life. The role of parents especially the one who has the custody of children is highly imperative in helping their children to adjust with the circumstances even though the impact of divorce is well documented in relation to the child's psychological development. Observations reveal that children are upset when one of the parents makes a move out of the residence and they are left with the other. The setback is depicted in the form of diminished academic performance, deprived psychological development, difficulty in social as well as emotional adjustments as well as unconstructive self impression (Amato, 2000). The psychological impact is depicted in their physical health as well (El-Sheikh et al, 2008). It is highly imperative for the custody holder parent to understand the psychology of their child and also the importance of developing positive psychology which is principally ardent to curative measures. The modus of individual’s thoughts may become the single most prominent and persuasive factor in an overall contentment with life. The main motive of developing positive psychology is to construct strength in all aspects of the growing children. As positive psychology envisages the transformation in the psychological discerning from disgusting to preponderant, it becomes highly imperative for the children custody holder parent to formulate a framework of understanding to apply in day-to-day life of children. Positive psychology aids in providing the power to vanguard in the management and deterrence of psychosomatic ailments. Furthermore, it is imperative to conclude the assessment and effectiveness of these practices in our daily life. It is imperious as the arena of positive psychology at the individual level is about positive personal experience, good fortune and gratification experienced in past, movement, pleasure, corporeal preferences and bliss witnessed by overcoming the social impact imposed by peers of a child belonging to divorced parents. Positive psychology provides an outlook to recognize and present circumstances with prolific perceptions about the future-sanguinity, expectations and convictions to build a strong personality of the child. Such an accretion of positive individual characters encompassing love, encouragement and daring temperament provided over the years, interactive dexterity, appealing responsiveness, determination, fortitude, clemency, innovation, impending outlook, great endowment and insight enable in building strong social psychology of the child belonging to the divorced parents. This is highly imperative as an amalgamation of personal and social factors devise the psychological framework of an individual (Seligman, 2000). Empowering the positive psychology is more beneficial as compared to addressing weakness (Seligman, 2000). By linking individual wellness a community change can be procured and positive psychology empowers individuals as individuals and communities possess the skills and strengths required to prosper and function (Schueller, 2009). Certain individual differences characterize a person’s social effectiveness. Intrinsically, particular social conditions influence both individual experiences, as well as potential interpersonal effectiveness (King & Hicks 2009). One of the key features for assessing positive psychological relationships and interpersonal behaviour is to understand attachment of the child with the parents or the care providers. According to Carr (2004), children may be attached to their parents or care providers in two ways: either securely or insecurely. When the demands of the child are not fulfilled by the care provider, a kind of internal mental makeup of insecurity develops which is displayed in the form of clingy or sulky attachment. The basic nature of the individual is to seek friendship, kinship, relationship to procure happiness in life. A positive relationship in the family is necessary to conceptualize the development of positive psychology of the child and also the associated members of the family (Carr, 2004; Scott & Rich, 2003). According to Nansook (2009), by building a child’s character, especially of the divorced parents, is imperative in the new family setting. Through positive psychology the character of the child can be molded in a way that enables him/her in taking right decision in every aspect of life and especially for their career and future perspectives. By means of cognitive development and by building positive approach for life through positive psychology a child is empowered to discriminate between the good and bad and reshape, focus and design healthy traits. Studies reveal that children bearing such healthy characters are potentially healthier and more emotionally balanced as compared to the children who are not provided with positive psychological outlook especially in the case of divorced parents. It is imperative to understand the importance and need of communication with the child, which is possible through devotion and spending time with the child to nurture positive psychological traits. There are certain parameters which directly influence the psychological upbringing of the child apart from parent's self motivation and psychological upbringing. They are: A. Effective parenting - An effective and high quality parenting that involves nurturing the children with warmth and discipline displays enhanced results, which is depicted in the child's mannerism, behavior and conduct. Parental affirmation to abiding love for the children at every stage builds strong emotional attachment which inculcates confidence in children. Physical gesture of parental affection is the most imperative part that enables the children to cope with the stress and to overcome the setback of parental divorce. Managing time to be with them adds to their personal development. Small steps comprising sharing activities of the children, being compassionate, kindhearted as well as receptive predisposition enable the children to cope with stressful situation developed after the separation of parents. These gestures pave the way for endurance in relationship as well as to build a warm and healthy parent-child relationship (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). Besides being highly affectionate, as observed in certain cases the children lack discipline but it becomes the prime responsibility of the single parent to make the child responsive and disciplined to grow as a responsible person. Parent must keep their expectations as per the age of the child. Discipline enables the children to be responsible to the surroundings and environment. By setting and implementing certain regulations by means of understanding enable the children to develop a positive outlook for life. It is essential for the children to understand their limits and how to behave in the society (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). An open communication must be implemented by the parents. It is essential for the parents that they must be responsive to their child's complaints as well as feelings. Routine setup for meals and work along with play promote congenial atmosphere for the growing personality. Other responsibility of the parent besides this involves empathy and inculcating problem solving skills in their children, to cope with the circumstances, try to reach to the solution. In certain cases if the custody holding parent finds it difficult to deal with the tough situation he/she must seek the professional support and try not to play with the psychological development. This is essential for fostering positive predisposition and development (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). B) Parent-child relationship - This is the most important parameter in building the positive psychology of the child. It is the caring attitude that envisages long-term influence on the psychology of parental separation on children. However, national surveys highlight the fact that a descent in relationship is observed between parent and children after divorce of parents (Zill et al, 1993). By adopting appropriate measures the relationship could be strengthened. Excellent parenting style could nurture good care that builds strength and reinforce positive conduct and listen to the parent without argument, understanding as well as developing patience for ambivalent emotions, displaying consideration, towards self, parent as well as siblings. Parent need to give space to children to understand self and also the situation which helps in developing deep relationship where trust and empathy thrives well (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). For a strong relationship communication with the children is highly imperative as effective communication helps the parent to know the kids well, to understand them well and to react with the situation projected by the child. A good listening habit of the parent for their children empowers the parent to understand response and feelings of the children. A genuine expression of encouragement in their accomplishments promotes positive temperament of the child and the child feels motivated to do better. This generates goodwill that stimulates trust, optimism and loving bond and enables the children to cope with the setback of divorce in a more positive manner (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). Strong relationship empowers the children to safeguard themselves from substance abuse, violence, depression etc which is essential to cope with the competitive world in real life. Exposure to real life situations and teaching the children to tackle with them transforms positive attitude and helps them to deal with such circumstances (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). Instituting family rituals and customs also make bonding with the children stronger and also transmit the meaning that we are still a family which is highly comforting and assuring message to build strong positive psychology of the children. Parental satisfaction of making the children happy also empowers them to cope with the setback of broken relationship. Unconditional love for the children endures positive reinforcement in them (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). One of the best ways to make the parent child relationship further strong is that parent must avoid entering into the new relationships. As children may articulate it as an enormous loss in their lives and they may lost their way and are likely to follow some unacceptable habits. C. Understanding children's hidden emotions - According to Leiberman et al, (2007), neurophysiolgical research highlight the fact that naming the emotions soothes the amygdala, enhances the prefrontal activities and thereby enables the children to build up neural pathways in order to manage strong emotional predisposition and also enables them to develop good problem solving skills, being judgmental and also enable them to develop rational thinking. Spending time with the children enables the parents to understand the emotions of their children. Spending time with the children fosters an understanding for non-verbal signals and guides them appropriately. Children must feel free to express their hidden feelings and this requires a bond of trust and empathy which is built with patience and by devoting quality time with the children. An open expression without being judgmental enables the children to express themselves. A close watch on the children activities about what they are reading and watching and asking their opinion about the incidence or movie or video game they are playing helps the parents to understand what the children are thinking and what direction is required to mould them in a correct manner. Spending time with them helps in understanding the mental make-up and thoughts (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). D. Managing conflict- This is the most imperative parameter as it highlights parental weakness and strength that has paved the way for the distorted marital relationship. With time parents learn to control the situation rather they grow mature in resolving issues related to the conflict as they have suffered the repercussions of the conflict and dispute. If children are exposed to domestic violence they may not respect their parents and therefore children must be protected from the toxic side-effects of the divorce and prevent the child from developing business-kind of relationship (Pedro-Carroll, 2010). Power to manage conflict also enables the children to deal with the peer when they talk about the divorce of their parents. The children understand the implications of healthy relationship and thus their actions are directed in that manner. Conclusion Positive psychology is beneficial for the growth and development of children as it aids in building healthy family relationship. Children nurtured with empathy love and affection display positive temperament in every aspect of their lives. Positive psychology not only enables them to recognize the problem or but also empowers them to tackle with the situation and eliminate bad grades and verbal clues. A positive outlook enables the child to have patience and not to be short tempered to bash anyone to fulfill the needs or to manipulate the situation. Parents and those who are associated with the children of the divorcing parents are responsible for building strong positive psychology to have control over the situation in any case. Parents must set goals for their children and empowers them to deal with other kids when they talk about the divorce of their parents. The way children should be nurtured depends on the psychological predisposition of parents as well and how well they are groomed to possess a positive outlook. A child-parent relationship, space and open atmosphere of expression provided to the child support in the cognitive development of the child and builds strong characteristic strengths. This helps to strengthen the parent-child relationship and prevent future implications from falling into substance abuse, violence, depression. By enabling the child to read and encounter real life situations and finding their views parents can build a strong psychological impact on the budding psychology of the child to safeguard them from implications of the conflict and to enjoy the benefits of healthy relationship. References Amato, P. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 1269–1287. Carr, A. (2004). Positive psychology: the science of happiness and human strengths. Psychology Press. El-Sheikh, ME; Cummings, M; Kouros, CD; Elmore-Staton, L; Buckhalt, J. (2008). Marital psychological and physical aggression and children’s mental and physical health: Direct, mediated and moderated effects. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 76, (1), 138–148. Hetherington, E. M., Elmore, A. M. (2003). 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Long-term effects of parental divorce on parent-child relationships, adjustment and achievement in young adulthood. Journal of Family Psychology, 7(1), 91–103. Read More