Attraction in Human Relationships - Term Paper Example

Attraction in Human Relationships Abstract Attraction is the basis of most relations and relationships that humans are involved in. These relationships can vary from platonic friendship to romance and love. Formation of relationships with other people fulfills many of the basic social human needs. The phenomenon of attraction can have a number of different sources, such as people having similar traits such as height, race and last name; or it can be among humans having completely opposite personalities. Introduction Humans are social animals. We are dependent on the response and appraisals we receive from others. This inextricable association between the self and others is reflected in a strong, enduring need for affiliation. Attraction is the first thing that people feel and often the first reason to start off a relationship with someone. When they experience this attraction towards another, they often become involved in a relationship; this relationship could either be of friendship or love. The further success or failure of the relationship will depend in part on the strength of this initial attraction. Attraction can be defined as a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire. It is the basis of any relationship, and is the antonym of repulsion. We are compelled to people we like and thus bond with them in relations like friendship or love. Social psychologists have attempted to study this phenomenon between social beings. This paper examines the psychology of attraction between human beings and what determines how they are attracted to each other. In particular, the effect of similar traits, such as race, skin color, height or even last names will be examined, as well as the effect of completely different traits as a factor to attract others. The Process of Attraction People generally get attracted through social, evolutionary and biological processes. For one to get into a relationship with another it is common for him or her to be attracted to the other person first. People may get attracted to others under the circumstances of social reasons or causes as they are able to develop social harmony with these very individuals. As they develop a sense of positive response from the opposite person then the attraction will grow, with a logic that both are comfortable and have sense of familiarity with one another (Knobloch & Miller, 2008). We live in a world in which we interact with people on a daily basis. It is through these interactions and communications that might result in getting attracted to certain people. This attraction between people in terms of social psychology can be described as interpersonal attraction and is the ‘chemistry’ between two peoples that drives them towards romantic relationships, or towards platonic, friendship based relationships This is based off an essential human need which is to communicate, spend time with and affiliate with other people. Those who are unable to fulfill this need often have difficulty emotionally. This need brings people together, affects the level to which individuals like or dislike others and also keeps people within relationships even when the two partners have little in common. Interpersonal attraction is the fulfillment of the desire for meaningful partnerships that makes people happy and make them feel important. People unable to satisfy their need for belongingness are at higher risk of both physical and mental disorders, including poorer health, poorer psychological adjustment, higher rates of criminal activity, and higher incidence of suicide. A classic study on attraction was conducted in 1959 by social psychologist, Stanley Schachter. In this experiment participants were led to believe that in this experiment they have to receive a painful shock. Then, they were given a choice of waiting alone or waiting with others who were also waiting their turn to be shocked. Compared to participants in the control condition (who were waiting to receive a mild, painless shock), participants in the experimental condition preferred to wait with others. Schachter argued that it is the feeling of fear that engages people to associate with others, i.e. a need to seek relationships with other people. For people who are facing an unpleasant fate, to be with other people is, no doubt, a prospective source of comfort, support, solace, and reassurance (Schachter & Singer, 1962). Drivers of Attraction Interpersonal attraction is affected by both the environment and characteristics of the individual people involved, and as a consequence can vary substantially depending on the people who are involved. An example of environment is the situation in which people first meet. This is able to substantially influence the attraction that two people feel for one another, with pleasant and comfortable circumstances often sparking friendly feelings. In addition a memorable situation or one where the other person shows an appealing aspect of their personality may also result in increased attraction. The situation in which people first meet also determines their feelings and approach towards each other. A person is more likely to feel friendly toward a person first encountered in pleasant and comfortable circumstances. Individual characteristics which affect interpersonal attraction include behavior which may either be similar between the two individuals or completely different, proximity and physical attraction also play a significant role. Proximity is a side benefit of two people occupying the same space, why physical attraction is based on being attracted to someone due to their physical appearance, such as hair color, muscle tone or weight. The attitudes of people include their views towards different circumstances, their personality as a whole, as well as their likes and dislikes. Attraction can occur between people who have very similar attitudes, personality or dislikes and likes, or can occur between people who are entirely opposite in these respects. Attraction between People with Similar Characteristics The interpersonal attraction between people with similar characteristics can be described simply with the proverb “birds of feather flock together”. However, this does not mean that basketball players will marry other basketball players, rather it means that people who have interest in basketball are likely become attracted to one another. From the biological standpoint, attraction between people that are similar is a survival skill that allows people who are similar to associate easily with one another, while a stranger is generally met with fear and apprehension. Attraction between two similar people occurs because those who share traits get along easily, with the initial interaction between them occurring easily and the sharing of traits increasing the comfort level. Studies have found that strong attraction can occur between people that have strong physical and social similarity to each other. Many different aspects of this have been found, with factors such as bone structure, customs, traditions, many different aspects of physical structure, ambitions and aims. A significant positive relationship has been found between the number of these factors that match and the happiness of the people in the relationship (Fincham & Bradbury, 1992; Manusov & Koenig, 2001). One important attribute where people may be similar or different than one another is race. The term race is used to classify humans into distinct groups, generally either by physical characteristics such as skin color, or by geographic ancestry. While term race is mostly related to the physical differences between people, it is related to many different things such as cultural expectations, status within society, ethnicity as well as traits. Humans are the by- products of our race and people and it hence that culture and traditions play a vital role in our life consciously or unconsciously. Humans get attracted mostly to people with same race and backgrounds. It is because people who belong to same culture or traditions can easily relate to one another. As every race or community is distinct from one another, it is likely that the social customs and values of people of the west are not appreciated by people of the east or vice versa. Thus we can say similar backgrounds strongly influence people. Another reason that might cause people to get attracted to members of their own race is that they feel a strong sense of security being with their own people. An example of this comes from a study that was undertaken using the data gathered in the 2000 Census. A five percent sample was taken from the census, selected so that it was representative of the population. The authors found that racers in general were unlikely to marry people of a different race, with 94% of blacks married to other blacks. In contrast if there was no racial preference then 44% of marriages in the United States would be interracial, while in reality 4% of marriages are interracial (Fisman et al., 2008). Skin tone may be associated with race, as it refers to being from the same region or population. Humans might feel more comfortable with people of the same skin tone .There are more chances that people may attract to same skin color as it depicts their own civilization. Thus it draws them close and connects them together. Skin tone also includes the physical or facial features and as a consequence people who have more similarity in their facial or physical features are more likely to be attracted. The eye and hair color for that matter are also included. For example, a person with brown eye color and hair color is more likely to be attracted to brunette than to a blonde. Socialist Erving Goffman proposed that the formation of stable, durable and long-standing relationships is amplified when the partners are similar in terms of their social and physical attributes The hypothesis proposed by sociologist Erving Goffman suggests that people are more prone to form long standing and durable relationships with those who are equally matched in social attributes, like physical attractiveness, as they are (Insel & Moos, 1974). People who belong to same race are familiar with the customs and traditions of each other and thus making it easier to get along with one another. It becomes more easier to start a conversation someone who has something you have in common with, as explained above the interpersonal attraction will ultimately lead to a relationship be it friend ship or romance. People with familiar geographical backgrounds or culture may not hesitate as much as people with different ethnicity. When it comes to romantic relationships, there is a preference for romantic partners to have similar demographics. Research shows that people prefer their romantic partners to be similar in certain demographic characteristics such as their opinions in regarding to politics and religion (Buss & Barnes, 1986). Another common factor that draws people together is physical attractiveness. This phenomenon drives many common phrases and saying such as “that’s a cute couple”, “you two look so good together” or “he is so my type”. Studies have shown that people are attracted to those who share similar attractiveness to them. This was theorized by Murstein (1972), who of supported the predictions by testing the opinion that engaged couples had of each other’s attractiveness compared to the opinions of outside observers. As a consequence he determined that it is common for individuals to choose partners who are similar to themselves in physical attractiveness (Murstein, 1972). This hypothesis was further supported by a 1971 study which found that the highest level of pleasure that one member of the couple exhibited towards the other in relation to physical attractiveness was in couples that were most similar to each other in physical attractiveness (Berscheid et al., 1971). People with similar physical attractiveness or same physical features; who may include eye color, complexion, and hair color can get attracted to each other more efficiently. Many of these factors are also correlated with race. Height is also a factor that leads to initial attraction. People with shorter height feel affection for people with height like themselves. Similarly people who are tall will be more comfortable around people who are tall. It is because they feel a certain familiarity with one another. Even if there is no other physical similarity, one dominant feature similarity like height, body structure can cause initial attraction between people. Another phenomenon in attraction between people with similar characteristics is that various social beings are attracted to people with same names as theirs; these could be either the initials or last names. This liking or preference for the similarity in letters of our names exists because we write our names over and over for so many times in our life, that we become more familiar with it than any other alphabets. The more we are familiar with anything the more we begin to like it. This implicit egotism, in terms of psychology, makes us attract to those having similar names as ours. It has been found that people prefer the alphabets in their names to alphabets that are not in their names. The thought behind this inclination is that people generally like themselves and therefore like anything that is associated with them. Our names are very strong parts of what we are. This name letter attraction effect was found in a lot of countries, with different cultures and different alphabets. (Nuttin Jr, 1985). One theory that suggests why this may occur is implicit egotism. Implicit egotism refers to the idea that people are naturally drawn towards people, things or places that resemble the self. As a consequence, human show strong attraction towards others who resemble them physically or behaviorally. There are four ways to give explanation to the connection between similarity and attraction. First, similarity may allow strength and support. Second, people with similar traits help each other in their views, thoughts and decisions. Third, people having traits as others develop a strong relation. And finally, people may appeal to other similar people because they believe that they will be liked by those others. Attraction between People with Different Characteristics The idea of attraction can occur not only with people having similar characteristics but it can happen amongst people having completely the opposite personalities. As the term “birds of a feather flock together” is used to describe likeness between similar people, “opposites attract” is used to explain the latter phenomenon. This complimentary connection between people sometimes causes attraction between them. Research shows that interaction between two partners, who are opposite to each other increases attractiveness between them (Nowicki, 1991).The main reason that opposite attracts fact is that we have a certain illusion about them. To explain this process in detail we can cay that the DNA of every human inhabiting this planet is 99% similar. It’s only 1% remaining that gives us disparity between others. Thus, although there are many perceived differences between people, there is a much large amount of similarity. One way that attraction can occur between people who are substantially different from one another is through complimentary attraction. This theory predicts that attraction in humans often results in them partnering with others who are different than themselves in order to provide an augment or support to their own preferred behavior (Markey & Markey, 2007). Physical attraction is an example of a factor which draws together people who are very different from one another. This is based on the consideration of some features and traits to be beautiful or pleasing, while others are not, and also includes sexual attractiveness. We cannot specifically tell what attributes of physical attractiveness will draw a person closer, as it varies from person to person. It is because the concept of beauty is different for different people. Some may like tall and athletic looking people while others may not, or unattractive people might pursue attractive people and vice versa. However, views of what is visually attractive or not is often affected by the media and opinions of the population. Apart from physical attractiveness, there can other aspects which lead to opposite attraction. Financial status could be one of the reasons. Someone who belongs to middle class may get attracted to those who are more financially established. It is because people are always attracted to things they do not have and when they see someone having them, they are automatically drawn towards them. Another important aspect of complimentary attraction is personality. This can include many different factors such as self-confidence, authority and competition. Here, people are often attracted to their opposite, with submissive people being disproportionally attracted to dominant people and the same occurring between extroverts and introverts. As explained earlier the major reason for opposite attraction between people is physical attraction. It is because of all the senses our eyes respond first, we see something first and then we feel or hear it etc. Thus the physical appearance of a person is probably the first thing that we notice. Studies have shown that when a person observes someone who they consider to be attractive there is an automatic assumption that the person consists of more than just physical beauty, that there are other internal qualities that are also pleasing, and this physical beauty is an indication of internal beauty or intelligence (Dion et al., 1972). While this is not the case, the preference for external beauty remains prevalent in society. Some of the features in females that are considered to be beautiful are being thin, having good teeth, a small nose and chin, large eyes and pupils and smiling frequently. In men different features are attractive, some of these are: a large chin, strong cheekbones, being muscular and being tall. The belief of what features are beautiful and what are not is influenced by culture, and there are significant differences between cultures in these views. Each culture has fairly standard ideas about physical appearance that serve as powerful determinants in how we perceive character. Physical attractiveness is often the reason that some individuals are hired for jobs over others, although this is often not intentional, but the result of those hiring relating easier to those they find attractive. A study in 1973 looked at the effect that stereotypes of physical attractiveness had on the beliefs of young people. To do this a measure of popularity was used, comparing physical attractiveness to similar attitudes. It was found. The effect that physical attractiveness had on popularity was significantly stronger than the effect that similarity in attitudes had. These results suggest that automatic judgments of a person’s attractiveness affect how they are related to and the opportunities provided to them (Cavior & Dokecki, 1973). Personality disorder can often significantly influence the type of person that the individual is attracted to, leading them to find those who are their opposites attractive. An example of this is an individual who is obsessive-compulsive which leads them to be very ordered within their life. However, often people who are obsessive-compulsive are drawn to people with histrionic personalities. These people are flamboyant and messy. This happens because the together they feel whole and complete, but that does not mean that all complimentary attraction cases suffer from personality disorders. There is always a certain attraction in something or someone who is different. This has been termed ‘opposites attract’ and one opinion is that this occurs because people are interested in different viewpoints and opinions, finding them interesting and unusual. Interacting with someone different, especially if they complement the personality of the individual can help in the development of security and validation (Carson, 1969). One philosophy that is often linked to opposites is the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang. This philosophy draws its inspiration from the celestial calendar, but it still provides a good illustration of the manner in which two opposite people can attract. The definition of the terms Yin and Yang is moon and sun respectively, and they represent woman and man. The two are interlinked and are unable to support without each other. Furthermore, they complement each other. While relationships with many dissimilar factors often show strong passion and are exciting, they lead to arguments and disagreements within a relationship and as a consequence have a negative effect on the stability of the relationship. In that case both partners need to co operate and show patience and need to compromise. The duration of this kind of relation is known to be quite short. Both partners with time change their tracks. The Strengths of Similarity and of Dissimilarity We can conclude from the researches that the success ratio between relations having similar traits is higher than the ones having opposite characteristics. Initially when we see someone we might get gravitated to them owing their personality or physical attractiveness, but when we develop a relationship with them be it friendship or may be even love, chances are that we will be disappointed. The main reason for that is, in opposite attraction we work with our illusion assuming the person to be physically and personality wise in accordance to our liking. We relate him or her with our ideal, which we had fantasized. But when we experience a real relationship with such people, they seem nowhere near our “supposed” ideal. Physical attractiveness without any doubt can be of the major cause of attraction between two polar opposite people. It is the fact that being with a beautiful partner increases our self esteem and reputation. But in the end it is the similarities between them that bond them together. Thus we sometimes hear people around us saying that “we could not get along”. People having alike traits usually get along well and end up in a strong and lasting relationship, which might be friendship or romance. It is not necessary that we find the person to be physically attractive as well and thus we often say about someone that we did not like them first but as we began to know each other he or she seems to be interesting. People prefer there partner having similar traits as themselves to lead a balanced life. However, that the pairing of partners still seems to be at random (Gattis et al., 2004). Interpersonal attraction between people having similar traits proves to be very helpful in strengthening a relation. People generally trust more on members of their own race and culture and feel more secure with them. One study suggested that couples who engage in similar activities and share interests are more likely to stay together, although this theory was contradicted by Newcomb who found that that a significant proportion of students in his study got along who had different attitudes to each other (Feldman & Newcomb, 1994). It is implicit egotism that makes us attracted too people having similar traits as ours. Most people meet others through work, employment, or through mutual friends or family. But similarities alone make the relation boring and static. Healthy differences can add spice to life and thus one can lead a balanced life .Whether one is looking to improve a love relationship, friendships, employer/employee and even family relationships, understanding between the two people brings new dynamic to the situation, which will ultimately lead to better understanding and communication. Although every relation has its own specification and needs, expectations and communication can resolve any dispute. Communication Communication is an important aspect of the way that humans interact with one another. It can be defined as the manner in which people exchange thoughts and ideas with each other. It is not limited to verbal communication, but also includes other means of communication such as body language. Communication plays a large role in attraction between two people. Research indicates that there is a relationship between communication behavior and attraction, especially in the social sense. People that communicate easily, are friendly and open are considered to be more attractive than those who are more restrained in their communication (McCroskey et al., 1975). When people communicate honestly with one another, they are able to establish areas where they have similarities and where they have differences. As examined above, similarities and differences between people in a relationship can have a strong impact on the strength of a relationship. Likewise, some people find traits similar to their own attractive while others find different traits attractive. If people communicate dishonestly about their traits then this may cause friction later in the relationship. Conclusion Attraction is a large part of the way human relationships work. It is what draws people together initially and often what keeps them together. There are a wide range of different traits that attract people to one another, such as physical appearance, social standing and personality. Because of the variety of traits that are present, communication plays an important role in the creation and maintenance of a relationship. If people are dishonest about their traits, then this may cause problems at a late point in the relationship. For this reason, the ability to communicate well is often an attractive trait. While relationships can be formed either from the attraction of opposite or similar traits, it appears that those formed from similar traits and interests are more stable in the long term, although those with different traits can often be more exciting in the short term. References Berscheid, E., DionElaine, K., & Walster, G. W. (1971). 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