The Effect of Marital Interactions on Martial Satisfaction - Essay Example

Marital Interactions Running head: MARTIAL INTERACTION AND SATISFACTION The Effect of Marital Interactions on Martial Satisfaction Naida KardasMelissa Tribe Arizona State University Marital Interactions 2 The Effect of Marital Interactions on Martial Satisfaction Some of the world’s greatest philosophers like Aristotle, Immanuel Kant and Bertrand Russell all advocated that happiness should be the primary goal in the lives of each and every human being because happiness gives us a good feeling besides keeping us healthy in both mind and body. Happiness cannot be measured in terms of wealth or other material things, but it can be measured in terms of love and respect which we receive from others because of the way we interact with others. There are several different aspects of marital interactions that include verbal and non-verbal communication which help us to express our feelings to others, which in turn makes us happy. Researchers have classified different types of marital relationships based on a wide number of relationship variables. For example Miller and Olsen (1990) classified various couples according to their conflict and task leadership, while Gottman (1979 classified them according to ther communicative skills and interactions in problem – solving. In yet another study Shostrum and Kavanaugh (1971) categorized couples based on their anger – love and strength and weakness dimensions. Though Leo Tolstoy in his classic novel ‘Anna Karennia’ has stated that “All happy families resemble one another, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, yet research studies have proved that both happy and unhappy marriages are not alike. Marital satisfaction depends very much on the individuals involved and is of utmost importance for a steady marital relationship. Such a relationship builds strong bonds between couples and families leading to a Marital Interactions 3 good sense of well being and happiness. Marital satisfaction is measured as the degree to which spouses perceive that their partners meet their needs and desires (Bahr, Chappell, & Leigh, 1983; Bohlander, 1999; Fields, 1983) Literature Review We will review the current state of research on marriage, marital satisfaction and interaction patterns exhibited by martially satisfied spouses as compared to martially distressed partners. We will take into account both the positive and negative interactions between couples which reflect the level of marital satisfaction they experience in their relationships Olson and De Frain (2003) contend that communication is the core centre of all intimate human relationships – and is the foundation on which all else is built and in marriage, which can be described as a linking or joining of two independent people in order to create something of value to both. Good communication skills hold the key to success. Verbal communication is the means by which couples negotiate their roles and lay down the rules for future interactions, solve problems and go about their daily tasks. All verbal communication is based on the premise that it has content, a literal meaning, and is understood at the level of relation where the exchange takes place. (Turner & West, 2002) Non- verbal communication on the other hand involves our thoughts and actions in addition to our expressions and other body language and mannerisms we use to communicate. Success of a marriage depends on the dynamics of verbal and non – verbal exchanges that a couple engages in, rather than the superfluous attributes of personality and attitude (Levinger, Marital Interactions 4 1966) Gottmans research (1982) on marriage finds that in selecting relationship variables to understand marital satisfaction, the couple’s ability to arrive at a consensus in resolving differences may be of central importance. Based on the first three minutes of a conflict-discussion and at what level the conversation is positive or negative, the success rate of a marriage can be predicted accurately 85% of the time. This review of literature on marital satisfaction is also going to examine the conflicts concerned with different personality traits and how it impacts on marital satisfaction. In general, conflicts are caused by personality traits rather than situational traits. According to Gottman (2000) such conflicting personality traits pose as problems and become a gridlock, which leads to further negative attitudes between the couple in the future. Gottman (2000) recommends that couples need to move from this gridlock to a dialogue, where the goal is to talk through problems rather than to naïvely pursue a life free of problems. The findings from his research suggest that in order to have smooth marital interactions, couples must have an automatic attitude of speaking in a non- defensive or non – provocative manner especially when they want to complain about something. Every individual cultivates their own perspectives of things and situations based on their experiences in life and therefore their communication of verbal and nonverbal interactions would reflect these experiences and in turn impact on their level of marital satisfaction. Marital Interactions 5 Verbal and Non-verbal Behaviors Exhibited during Marital Interactions Human emotions play a major role in maintaining a balance both in our mind and body; emotions then reflect the level of satisfaction reached in all relationships. Every couple, even those, who seem very intimate with each other, experience both good and bad times in their relationships. According to Gehart and McCollum (year of this study), it is a myth that with enough effort we can achieve a state without suffering. Having a good verbal and non- verbal communication style between two people does not guarantee complete satisfaction because there are other factors such as intimacy, understanding, and tolerance that come into play for an optimal healthy relationship. Many individuals have the wrong notion that if they work at their relationship, they could eliminate suffering, but this is certainly not true as various studies have proved. In this literature review, we will make an investigation into the subject of marital interactions and their impact on marital satisfaction, where we are going to investigate what factors contribute to marital satisfaction and what are the different facets of marital interaction are exhibited by martially satisfied as compared to dissatisfied spouses. The paper would also cover the areas of verbal and non- verbal interactions and the impact of positive and negative factors of verbal and non – verbal communication that play their role in marital relationships. Marital Interactions 6 Martial Interaction – Verbal Communication Positive Effects Patterns of verbal conversation are classified as negative or positive based on the way in which issues get framed, the words selected to convey messages, the practice of reinforcing the good rather than criticizing, and the art of listening. In his classical seminal work on well-being, Bradburn (1969) found that the strongest correlations of a positive emotion lay in a close social relationship that is shared between a couple.. On examination of happy individuals it was found that they had positive social relationships without any exception because of their positive communication both verbally and non – verbally. (Diener & Seligman, 2002) Negative Effects The absence of close social relationship as well as social, emotional, and psychological support and poor verbal and non- verbal communication has a negative impact on a person’s well-being which has correlating negative effects on marital satisfaction and thereby impacts on the lives of children in a dramatic way. In a study conducted by Davies, Myers, and Cummings (1996) , 7 to 9- year old children and 13 to 15 year old children experienced fear and anger when they witnessed negative parental behavior involving verbal conflicts. For this study, children in the age group of 7 to 9 and 13 to 15 years were selected randomly. Marital Interactions 7 Their findings were that irrespective of whether the conflict was about the adult or child, it was imperative and crucial for harmonious endings to creative good emotional security in the child. They also reported to have found that female children experienced more fear than their male counterparts. In a study examining marital interactions Johnson and Jacob (1997) found that couples who were depressed exhibited more negative reactions when dealing with issues concerning their children and this in turn led to worsening the already poor communication system of verbal and non – verbal between the couple,. when compared to those who were non – depressed. In the course of their interaction, depressed wives were more verbal and negative in their behavior. Nonverbal Communication Non-verbal communication also affects and has a great impact on marital satisfaction (cite source). Maintaining a good verbal communication is not enough because nonverbal communication is just as important as verbal communication because it helps to maintain a balance of communication between the couple And makes up for the verbal communication which might have been lost or stagnant for sometime. Positive effects Good nonverbal communication portrays a healthy and happy relationship between couples (more information is needed here, cite your sources). Positive use of facial expression, Marital Interactions 8 body language and actions would certainly go a long way in building positive outcomes in any relationship. Negative effects The negative aspect occurs when a relationship takes off on a negative footing and people find it extremely difficult to overcome the initial harsh encounters which stems from and are closely related to poor verbal and non- verbal communication,. The self - reinforcing loop between behavior and perception, leads to divorce in cases where the negative buildup is high. (Gottman, 1993) The micro –dynamics of a conversation, such as the way in which couples talk and listen, their choice of words, expressions and their body language reflect on the partner’s disposition and in turn has a bearing on the pattern of conversation that takes place between them. In a longitudinal study conducted by Jacobson, Schmaling, and Holtzworth- Munroe (1987), two types of couples comprising of positive and negative outlook on life were interviewed over the phone and were asked a few personal questions about themselves and their family. The study involved an analysis of how the different couples handled stress. The couples who had a positive outlook on everything were patient and calm while answering, but couples who had a negative outlook were impatient and irritable when answering the questions. In this study, two different groups of couples in the age group of 20 to 50 years were selected randomly. It was found that the couples showed a marked difference in the way they handled stress while dealing with their marital situations and other non-marital situations. Verbal Marital Interactions 9 communication, especially using the tools of instrumental humor, can make a stressful situation into a humorous one. De Koning and Weiss (1997) found that couples belonging to different age groups differed in the process of problem solving because every individual is unique and possess their own temperaments, likes and dislikes. Couples married for 14 years on an average showed negative association between instrumental humor and marital satisfaction for the fact that they much more younger and hence not so patient and tolerant, while those married for an average of 39 years reported positive outcomes in marital satisfaction because they were much older and hence more careful and tolerant towards their spouses. Such studies are invaluable to married couples as it would help them to make a great difference to their marital relationships by encouraging them to make a conscious effort in understanding the salient features of a good marital relationship. Understanding the intricacies of both, verbal and nonverbal communication would help them to cultivate the habit of patience and tolerance which would go a long way in setting a firm foundation for a strong marital relationship. Summary and Conclusion Family therapists can utilize these studies to help them in problem solving and finding the right solutions to problems that arise during verbal and non – verbal communication. It would also help them to make the right decisions on important matters and thereby avoid conflicts which would be detrimental to their relationships. Taking part in such studies would also Marital Interactions 10 encourage them to be more understanding and tolerant towards their partners and would prevent a divorce. All interactions are made up of a cause and effect dimension and such studies would enable partners to be more understanding and tolerant of each other. In addition, it would help to keep them on the right track of building a healthy and strong marital relationship and one which is based on happiness alone. They would also realize that the best method that would be most effective in building and improving a couple’s satisfaction in a relationship is through developing better skills in verbal and nonverbal communication. Happiness is closely linked to intimacy and is a natural outcome of healthy marital relationships. In the last decade evidence has been gathered to support the belief that close relationships have far reaching effects in the lives of couples. Research studies carried out in the field of marital relationships have been proved conclusively by the medical fraternity and social psychologists that well-being and happiness are processes rather than just terms we use. 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