DIVORCE AND CHILDREN - Essay Example

?DIVORCE AND CHILDREN Divorce is already commonplace in the United s. This is the case across all relevant demographics: regardless of the social class, age, religion and ethnic membership, divorce is prevalent. For example, recent estimates reveal that between 40 percent and 50 percent of recent first marriages are likely to end in divorce (Lamanna and Riedmann, 474). Statistics also paint a grim scenario. In 2009, the Census Bureau reported that the marriage rate in America is 7.5 marriages per 1000 people and the divorce rate is 3.6 per 1000 people (Andersen and Taylor, p.326). The high incidence of divorce highlights the degree of impact on all parties involved as well as the society in general. Because the experience involved is recognized as painful and difficult. The adults – the husband and wife – undergoing this process encounter tremendous stress and pressure. An expert on the subject explained that this is a commonality across all divorcing partners. The story, wrote Antunes, often went like this: After months or sometimes years of discussions, hurtful arguments, destructive behavior, indifference, tears, betrayals, false hopes, starting over, forgiving, counseling, praying and doing everything we can think of in order to “fix” our marriages, we arrived at the Crushing yet defining moment when we knew our relationships were over (ix). If the process is an ordeal for the husband and wife, one can only imagine the toll it will claim on their children. As depicted in the above account, divorce seemed like a battle and children are most assuredly caught in the crossfire. This is one of the most compelling reasons why divorce can be considered bad. It adversely affects the hapless children. Adverse Effects on Children It is common sense to claim that there are only rare cases when children do not feel sad about their parents’ divorce. The fact is that they are often torn by conflicting loyalties: who should they side with in the conflict? In addition, feelings of fear, loss and anger are also common, along with desires for reconciliation (Andersen and Taylor, 327). The psychological impact of losing parents to this process is significant. In the short term, children experience feelings of confusion as well as the feeling of being betrayed as they helplessly witness how their family unravel and torn apart before their eyes (Clarke-Stewart and Brentano, 106). Also, as their parents tangle between themselves and embroiled in their own troubles, children are also in danger of being neglected. Because of these variables, children’s lives are negatively affected in the long term. For instance, a study revealed that 70 percent of children living with divorced parents had lower levels of well-being in comparison with children raised in intact families (Clarke-Stewart and Brentano, 106). In addition, these children can also display violent and antisocial behaviors especially when the divorce is typified by high conflict. Poor performance in school and poor adjustment skills are also accepted outcomes especially when research indicates that families on the verge of breakup have been found to be typified by “less intimate interparental and parent-child relationships, less parental commitment to children’s education, and fewer economic and human resources, resulting in more academic, psychological and behavioral problems” (Goldstein, 197). So, all in all, the process for divorce is a crisis for children. This is critical because there are just numerous variables involved and that these tend to accumulate, leading to a much bigger problem, amplifying the estimated severity and pathology of psychological and emotional disturbance, changing the children’s behavior and character in the process. It is important to note that children are created by society. Morton explained this circumstance when he argued that “children are assigned to social groups by lottery” and that “once they are in a group, they remain there for life”. These arguments are aligned with the philosophical school that regards children as a blank slate where anything can be projected because it is considered impressionable and malleable. If circumstances foster a mentality of skepticism, for instance, then children would imbibe it as well. This is dangerous in the case of divorce. When it is Good The adverse effects on children may be considered bad and, indeed, options must be exhausted in order to minimize them if the marriage can no longer be salvaged. But there are instances where the process is more beneficial for children. This is true if there is family violence involved or that if there is a protracted conflict that could be more harmful than the loss entailed in a broken family. Empirical evidence shows that children are better off with divorce in these cases because they are no longer subjected to the relentless anger and emotional abuse they experience with their parents (Knox and Schacht, 504). Moreover, there is the argument that children – because of their age – can adjust easily and that the divorce can contribute to their resilience and maturity as an individual. Conclusion The current attitude towards divorce may defined by the philosophical theory of utilitarianism. Here, divorce is the solution that could achieve the best possible outcome for all stakeholders. There is, for instance, the popular notion that husbands and wives should no longer stay together for the sake of their children. Actions such as this are now judged in the realm of morality according to its outcomes and consequences. Say, when the divorce adversely affected a child, then it would be immoral. Otherwise, if the divorce ended problems like family violence, then divorce is a moral solution and, therefore, legitimate. Warburton, however, exhorted that we must think long-term. The divorce discourse must not be evaluated according to the immediate effects but also the effects that will emerge throughout the child’s development and perhaps, even the effects on the child’s own children in the future (Warburton, 50). This is true. Divorces must be handled well. And most importantly, it should be prevented when still possible. Its impact is far reaching. No matter where one approaches or looks at the subject, divorce is bad for children. It has adverse psychological effects. Even when it is preferable or beneficial, particularly in violent familial setting, there is still the concept of loss and neglect entailed when a family is torn apart and these could still lead to psychological trauma or disturbance. What is the best way to prevent it? This question is easy to answer. There are couples who stayed together and their experiences are the lessons that we must learn. Works Cited Andersen, Margaret and Taylor, Howard. Sociology: The Essentials. New York: Cengage Learning, 2010. Print. Antunes, Anne. Divorce: A New Beginning: 10 Guidelines for a Good Ending. Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse, 2007. Clarke-Stewart, Alison and Brentano, Cornelia. Divorce: Causes and Consequences. Yale University Press, 2007. Goldstein, Alan. Handbook of Psychology, Forensic Psychology. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2003. Print. Knox, David and Schacht, Caroline. Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family. New York: Cengage Learning, 2010. Print. Lamanna, Mary Ann and Riedmann, Agnes. Marriages & Families: Making Choices In A Diverse Society With Infotrac. New York: Cengage Learning, 2006. Print. Morton, Adam. Philosophy in Practice. Blackwell Publishing, 2004. Print. Warburton, Nigel. Philosophy: The Basics: The Basics. London: Routledge. Print. 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