Anger Management: Coping Strategy or Cure - Essay Example

Anger Management: Coping strategy or cure? How can psychotherapy address anger issues? Introduction Individuals occasionally experienced the transformation when the monster inside us awakens, the momentary sense of power, the conviction that what we are doing is right, and the overpowering drive to defeat whoever or whatever is opposing us. However, we also often experienced the consequences of the monster gone wild, words and choices that we regret, damaged relationships, and a desire to erase what we have done. Some people react to this disorder by locking the beasts deep within themselves, where it never again sees the light of day, regrettably, the cost of powerlessness they pay can be just as huge as the damage done by their unrestrained anger. Others go through a constant cycle of anger and regret. Anger and the Consequence of suppressing it Anger is commonly seen as a negative emotion that is associated with specific subjective, physiological, interpretive, and behavioural characteristics in response to frustration or injury (Kassinove and Tafrate 2002). “Anger is an automatic response to a real or perceived threat” (Peurifoy, 2002). It produces energy in addition to the drive to eradicate that threat. The greater the threat, the greater the intent and motivation to eliminate it. While we generally see anger as negative, it has another side as well. Occasionally anger is a positive force that enables an individual to set limits and ignore unreasonable demands. It also helps an individual to take steps to meet important needs that they have been ignoring. People make decisions and act on feelings that they do not even know they have (Bilodeau, 1994). This kind of conduct is not emotional maturity and actually the reverse. Emotionally stable people identify, understand, and utilize emotions in their intended purpose. People’s effort to eradicate feelings typically fail because regardless of methods a person use, feelings persist and repeatedly occur. It is inescapable and always within us beyond our consciousness and overriding our emotions. This process leads some people to a very hurtful emotional trap. Their feelings have been hidden away for a long time that they fail when they attempt to access them. I met a mother two years ago who was trying to cope with the discovery that her daughter was suffering for leukaemia. When I asked her what she feels about it, she replied in a sad tone that she just does not know. After further inquiry, Mary confessed that she had several feelings about her child’s sickness. She felt accountable, thinking it was by some means her fault. She felt terrified that she would not be able to provide the care required to support her daughter. She felt miserable thinking her daughter’s sufferings and the things she would have to overcome. She felt irritated that God had given her a burden that other parents did not have to endure. Like many other, anger was the most difficult emotion for her to recognize, candidly talk about, and apply effectively. This is because she had many years of confusion and misinformation to overcome. The thought that anger was bad, hazardous, and unladylike was deeply ingrained by her parents and supported by others as she went through life. Mary had become so skilful at renouncing her anger and enjoyed the thought that she is a ‘nice’ person who never got angry. Then an incident occurred that initiated an anger so strong that it forced her to act in ways that were contrary to her nature. A year later, I found Mary spearheading a community project to fight leukaemia and I asked what brought her to that point. She said she was afraid her daughter would die helplessly and it made her very angry. Therefore, she did something about it and used her anger as a motivator to take constructive action to bring about positive change. Another example is John. At 17, he had a short fuse and had difficulty with anger. His feelings rapidly moved from annoyance to rage, with few gradations of anger in between. After a few incident of destructive anger, John become very self-conscious, reflective, and vowed not let himself become that angry again. However, he still not capable of managing such anger, and steadily began to reduce, refute, and suppress it. Consequently, he frequently experienced and focused his attention to a range of negative emotions instead of anger. When he experience anger, he also experience emotional hurting in some form, discontent, rejection, irritation, remorse, or humiliation. These negative emotions precede his anger and are associated with it. When he felt uncomfortable with anger, he increasingly became more aware of and focused on these other emotions. Messages from family and those around him communicated that he should not be angry since anger was not a good thing. However, the more he avoid anger, the more he developed confused beliefs and self-doubts regarding assertiveness, anger, and conflict. Anger Management – A Coping Strategy “Anger is a natural human emotion” (Golden, 2006) “universal, understandable emotion (Schiraldi and Kerr, 2002), and it differ in strength and extent. It is characteristically linked with other diagnosable psychiatric conditions such as sporadic explosive disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, paranoia and conduct disorder (Kassinove and Tafrate, 2002). Unhealthy anger management involves efforts to conceal, refute, or evade anger. People who practice unhealthy anger management experience little control and may be quick to react to anger with hostility or aggression. Anger increases their heart rate, blood pressure, and energy hormones (Kassinove and Tafrate, 2002). Moreover, these people may acquire chronic anger that further impairs their feelings and influence them to become angry. Anger can be destructive and unrestrained anger can lead to damaged relationships and lost opportunities and respect. It also can result in low self-esteem and health problems. “Extreme anger can lead a person to violence, criminal behaviour, and even to suicide, or taking one’s own life” (Peacock et. al., 2000). The sources of anger are comprehensible (Schiraldi and Kerr, 2002) and appreciation of the root cause helps us to know which interventions will be required. People who become angry display a determination to live, to grow, and to protect self-interests. Anger can also begin from a desire to protect other people or special causes or values, such as integrity. “If we did not care, we would cease to react” (Schiraldi and Kerr 2002). Caring is a good quality, a strength to uphold. However, there are ways to direct that caring with less anger or no anger at all. Anger management does not mean bottling up anger since this can lead to explosive anger. To a certain extent, it means that we recognize the usual feelings of anger that occur, and learn to properly neutralize and convey them. According to Schiraldi and Kerr (2002) research show that people can learn to regulate anger somewhat rapidly. When people expressed their anger properly, they are letting go of the stress and frustration that they are experiencing, and those around them understand and accept that they are upset. In contrast, when anger is expressed improperly with blame and aggression it can be a destructive force, both to the person experiencing it and for those subjected to it (Johnson, 2004). More importantly, it can result in highly negative interpersonal and medical consequences (Kassinove and Tafrate, 2002). One of the first steps to deal with anger is to learn its origin (Engel, 2004). For instance, the suppression of anger is a pattern that is passed down from generation to generation. Mary and John, from our examples, shared to us that their parents, relatives and friends gave them the idea that anger is bad and dangerous. We inherit the way we cope with anger and our beliefs about anger from our parent’s example, from their beliefs, and from the way they treated us. According to McMahon (2007), there are several factors associated with the unhelpful experience and expression of anger. These are family history, stressful life events, thinking style, poor coping skills, individual personality, and lack of social support. It may be both external and internal events and a response to the actions of a specific individual (Kassinove and Tafrate 2002). Take for instance the case of a couple I am acquainted for several years. The wife’s anger would spark as soon as the husband did something that bothered her. With voice raised and face intense, she would tell him directly how she felt about it. The husband was confused since in his family, anger was held in and if somebody did explode, it was a big deal or readily considered a family crisis. In contrast, in his wife’s family, anger was normal and open. It flashed and passed as a usual part of daily life. The husband expressed his anger by becoming still and remote but the wife prefers that he would come right out with it. They are both products of their family cultures, and culture as we all know is hard to change. Anger is the most difficult emotion to deal with but anger is unavoidable particularly in close relationships as intimacy brings us up against our diversities, and differences are both disturbing and intimidating. For all the complexities it poses, anger serves a very constructive purpose in life. It gives us both information and energy. It informs us that we feel somehow threatened or discontented in a situation, and it makes energy accessible for making the change we need to make in order to be comfortable again. Every animal organism is endowed with anger for its own protection. It is the vital power behind fight or flight. It is the energy that powered many of the great social movements and the strength behind the dedication to removing prejudice and pointless suffering. Therefore, anger is a good thing, an emotion in the service of life preservation and enhancement. Anger is not immoral but the moral issue is to manage it well, to use it constructively rather than destructively for like all human energies, it can do good or evil (Fischer and Hart, 1991). Anger is psychological (Kassinove and Tafrate, 2002). Earlier, three main philosophies have dominated psychological approaches to anger problems – ventilation, reduction, and management. The first tend to view the central problem in anger as coming from people’s inclination, under societal pressure, to suppress and repress their emotions. The second on the other hand, focuses upon people’s inclination to be too strongly emotional rather than too reserved in their emotions. The third is developed in the viewpoint of those who advocate assertiveness training with its theory that correct anger expressiveness exists in a middle ground between too much anger or aggression and inadequate amounts of anger or passivity. Each of these three philosophies has significance for the general treatment of anger. Unquestionably, many people do ‘stuff’ their anger in exactly the manner described by the ‘ventilationist’. These persons tend to turn their anger inward, restraining it, converting it into physical symptoms, or even actually attacking themselves with their anger since they themselves are the only allowed target for their aggression. However, other people do in reality work themselves into useless frenzies of rage because of unfounded thoughts. They badly need help learning how to lessen their overstressed anger. Finally, a third group of people needs skills training to help them convey their anger in a pro-social style that enhances the likelihood of a successful conflict outcome (Potter-Efron, 2005). When someone gives anger full voice, it becomes a flood of power sweeping the person along. Anything can go off, shouting, offensive talk, throwing things, pushing and shoving, punching, killing. There is a feeling of excitement in the person so carried away and liberated from all restraint, a great feeling of power, and profoundly enjoyable justifications. Nevertheless, there are fatalities too – property and persons. Human relationships cannot maintain much of this kind of thing. Either such behaviour is the conclusion of the relationship, with resentful feelings and a very real danger of retribution, or it is a sign of a bad ongoing situation (Fischer and Hart, 1991). People often seek psychotherapy to release from excruciating and negative feelings (Jones, 2005). Commonly, they lack confidence in themselves and are subject to such feelings as excessive anger, depression and anxiety. In reality according to Jones, feelings tend to overlap since people can be concurrently disheartened, restless and extremely angry. Success in managing one of these feelings better is likely to increase confidence and lead to handling the other feelings better too. “People may use the skills learned for managing one feeling for managing other feelings” (Jones, 2005). They should develop self-monitoring skills and become conscious of their internal state and its relationship with environmental events (Kassinove and Tafrate, 2002). People can recognize and manage anger without necessarily trying to free themselves of it altogether since anger can have positive applications. As we already mentioned earlier, it can be a gesture indicating something is incorrect and needs attention. It can be an energy encouraging people to take appropriate action. In some occasion, anger may also be a purge since after expressing it; people may subside and be more reasonable. “The feeling of anger is always valid” (Crawley and Graham, 2007). It is an indication that something is wrong between the outside world and us or within our needs and beliefs. We may judge others and ourselves heartlessly when anger is present, but it is more constructive to experience the anger, identify its source, and work on realizing whatever modifications are required to correct what is wrong. It is essential to appreciate that even those who have ‘bad tempers’ have an option about how well they will express their anger. These people are very comfortable of expressing anger offensively, and their reactions feel automatic and inescapable. However, they behave differently when they feel anger, for example, toward their customers, their boss, or strangers they know could hurt them. Apparently, anger can be controlled and we do have an option (Fischer and Hart, 1991). The objective of anger management is not to stop client to become angry but to help them express anger the right way (Abelian and Douglas, 2006). Anger management is therefore a coping strategy to help clients regulate and express their anger appropriately. It is about learning impulse control and containment strategies (Kassinove and Tafrate, 2002). Anger management does not encourage suppression of anger but development of skills to express anger in a pro-social manner. Anger is generally a good thing, it is always valid, natural, and an emotion in the service of life preservation and enhancement thus the issue is using it constructively rather than destructively. How Psychotherapy Can Help Psychotherapy can be helpful for determining the roots of anger in our past and the ways we stoke our anger in the present. It can also provide some tools for coping with the internal monologues and affective rehashing that maintain the anger. Psychotherapy does not itself offer a reason to let go of hatred but help clients examine the thoughts and beliefs that led them to feel angry and could offer them a choice. Clients often are encouraged to come to a decision whether it is in their practical best interest to get angry (Rosenbaum, 1998). People who tend to be emotionally over controlled may gain more from learning to express their emotions than those who are under controlled and extremely expressive. People who have problems with anger control do not need to learn to express their anger. They may for instance need to learn how to identify anger onset more clearly and to deal with unfinished anger experience. In this case, they may need to redirect their anger expression in therapy toward more appropriate targets and then to work it through to completion (Greenberg and Safran, 1990). In psychotherapy, ranges of strategies are employed to allow a client to gain control of his anger. For some clients, use of quite time is important while others choose to write in an anger management journal. Over the course of treatment, many clients become very proficient at learning to manage their anger and impulses. The result of learning these skills is enhancing flexibility and adaptability (Abelian and Douglas, 2006). Reference List Abelian M. and Douglas A. 2006. Trends in Psychotherapy Research. U.S.: Nova Publishers Bilodeau Lorrainne. 1994. The Anger Workbook. U.S.: Hazelden Crawley John and Graham Katherine. 2007. Mediation for Managers: Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Relationships at Work. Finland: Nicholas Brealey Publishing Engel Beverly. 2004. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move Beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-Free Future. U.S.: John Wiley and Sons Fischer Kathleen R. and Hart Thomas N. 1991. Promises to Keep: Developing the Skills of Marriage. U.S.: Paulist Press Golden Bernard. 2006. Healthy Anger: How to Help Children and Teens Manage Their Anger. U.S.: Oxford University Press Greenberg, Leslie S. and Safran Jeremy D. 1990. Emotion in Psychotherapy: Affect, Cognition, and the Process of Change. U.S.: Guilford Press Jones Richard Nelson. 2005. Practical Counselling and Helping Skills: Text and Activities for the Lifeskills Counselling Model. U.K.: SAGE Johnson Sharon L. 2004. Therapist's Guide to Clinical Intervention: The 1-2-3's of Treatment Planning. U.S.: Academic Press Kassinove, Howard and Tafrate Raymond Chip. 2002. Anger Management: The Complete Treatment Guidebook for Practitioners. U.S.: Obeikan Bookshop McMahon Gladeana. 2007. No More Anger!: Be Your Own Anger Management Coach: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. U.K.: Cork University Press Peacock Judith, London Marion, and Stutman Suzanne. 2000. Anger Management. U.S.: Capstone Press Peurifoy Reneau. 2002. Anger: Taming the Beast. U.S.: Kodansha America Potter-Efron Ronald T. 2005. Handbook of Anger Management: Individual, Couple, Family, and Group Approaches. U.S.: Haworth Press Rosenbaum Robert. 1998. Zen and the Heart of Psychotherapy. U.S.: Psychology Press Schiraldi Glenn R. and Kerr Melissa Hallmark. 2002. The Anger Management Sourcebook. U.S.: McGraw-Hill Professional Read More