Religious Aspects of Healthy Grief - Essay Example

? Healthy grief 10 June When a loved one dies, feeling grief is a natural response. Grief can be considered as a coping mechanism and a process that people usually go through during the bereavement cycle. Different religions and scholars present diverse ways of coping with grief. For them, grief is either something to be processed individually, or something to be left for God, in a process of unburdening oneself to Him. This essay compares and contrasts three models of grief: Judaism’s cycle of grief, grief from Job in the Bible, and Kubler-Ross’s grief cycle. It also compares it to joy, because grief and joy can be seen as two opposite sides of the same coin of human emotion. These grief models are different in how they define and organize the stages of grief, but they are similar in their final goal, which is to help people to come out of their bereavement and accept their new reality. These different models of grief assert that grief is a natural human response to death, although the religion-based models focus on leaving everything to God’s plans, in order to accept the loss. Kubler-Ross (1969) pioneered the studies on grief and bereavement and her findings led her to accentuate that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Kessler, 2009). They are different responses to loss, and not a linear way of experiencing bereavement (Kessler, 2009). The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, are considered as constituents of a grief model, which help people understand and go through their grieving process. They are tools to help bereaved individuals “frame and identify” their feelings (Kessler, 2009). Christianity and Judaism agree that grief is essential to bereavement; it is elemental to the process of moving on and leaving everything to God. The Bible uses the example of Job to remind believers that grief is a human act with a proper context. Job lost everything, his wealth, social status, and children, and feels the enormous burden that these losses have put on him. Judaism also accepts the inevitability of grief and gives people the time to feel it, before, during, and after the burial of their loved ones (Mallon, 2008, p.97). Judaism and Kubler-Ross share an affinity for cycles when viewing grief. Kubler-Ross provides five stages that help people deal with their loss. Denial refers to not believing that a loved one has truly died, and people feel shock and numb (Kessler, 2009). Denial is important to grieving, because it is a protective mechanism that allows people to take in only what they can process and accept (Kessler, 2009). Anger is another stage of grieving and it can be directed to anyone or anything, including God, the dead, and the loved one (Kessler, 2009). It is an important emotion that helps uncover underlying feelings (Kessler, 2009). Kubler-Ross (1969) believes that anger reconnects people to the world, because from feeling nothing, they feel something (Kessler, 2009). It affirms that something is lost, and so its loss is fully felt (Kessler, 2009). Bargaining pertains to asking what could be changed or done to get back a loved one (Kessler, 2009). Depression is also a common response to death. Kubler-Ross (1969) asks the bereaved to not even consider this as a mental illness, because it is a fitting reply to a great loss (Kessler, 2009). After one or more of these responses is felt, acceptance can be attained. Acceptance does not refer to feeling that everything is alright, but accepting that a loved one is physically lost. It refers to realizing that the present reality is tolerable and that they must go on with their loves (Kessler, 2009). Judaism’s view of guilt has its cycles too. The first stage covers the death and the funeral, where mourners are relieved from their duties and responsibilities (Mallon, 2008, p.97). The second stage concerns mourning after the funeral, where the family has more time to feel their grief, although friends and other kin can visit and console them (Mallon, 2008, p.97). The third stage refers to the next 23 days when mourners continue with their lives (Mallon, 2008, p.97). The fourth stage refers to the next eleven months when less intense grieving is felt (Mallon, 2008, p.97). Hence, these two models concur that grief has its cycles that can be surmounted in due time, although Judaism has a more specific organized view of the grief cycle. Job does not experience any distinct cycle of grief, and instead, he feels despair and experiences bargaining. In chapter 31 of the book Job in the bible, Job bargains with God through reviewing his past actions in life: If I have seen any perish for want of clothing, or any poor without covering; If his loins have not blessed me, and if he were not warmed with the fleece of my sheep; If I have lifted up my hand against the fatherless, when I saw my help in the gate: Then let mine arm fall from my shoulder blade, and mine arm be broken from the bone. (Job 31:19-22). Job is saying that he has done all he can to please God, and so he asks Him why he has to suffer so much. Job also goes back to despair, especially when he remembers losing all his children. He says: “Oh that my grief was thoroughly weighed, and my calamity laid in the balances together!” (Job 6:2). He feels the pain so intensely, which might also exhibit depression. He feels that life lacks meaning and he cannot go on: “What is my strength, that I should hope? And what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?” (Job 6:11). Like any other human being, Job feels meaninglessness and despair in his life, which suggests that Christianity respects the immense feeling of grief that can weigh people down during bereavement. These models of grief share something in common: they believe that grief is a process that ends and should end, because people ought to move on with their lives and accept their reality without their loved ones. The cycles of grief in Kubler-Ross and Judaism assert that grief is a process that ends. People have to go through with it, but it should end somewhere, because it is unhealthy to feel intense grief every day. Christianity does not have specific cycles of grief, but it understands the different responses to grief. These models also share the same end, which is to help people surmount their grief and rise from it. Christianity and Judaism use religious beliefs to help people make sense of their loss. They ask people to have faith in God’s plan and to believe that God will not give them something that they cannot handle. Joy can be related to these grieving models; because of it also rises and subsides. Like true grief, true joy does not lose its power throughout time and can submerge or rise anytime. For example, when a student graduates from college and it is considered as a lifelong achievement, that joy can be as intense as denial or depression. Joy can be so passionate that people can feel numb too. Instead of anger and shock that weighs people down, buoyancy is felt during times of joy. Moreover, joy pushes people to action, especially when they find meaning in their life. People with grief, on the contrary, feel nothing or so angry that they no longer want to live. Finally, joy and grief wax and wane, but they both frequently dissipate in time. The intensity of emotions lowers as people move on with their lives. After this research, I prefer Kubler-Ross’s cycle of grief, because it has clearer stages, where the processes are more described. For nurses, this model provides a systematic way of understanding the signs of grief and the cycle they belong to. Nevertheless, I also understand that every person has a grief cycle. Religious people, in particular, tend to follow the cycles that their religions ask them to go through. This research made me more sensitive to these different models of grief. As a nurse, I should not assume that grief is a cycle with a linear progression and that every individual goes through the same stages. I should also respect different religions and their beliefs about grief. I learned that I can help my patients go through with their grief, if I help them acknowledge the concepts and cycles that they are more comfortable with, which includes their religious beliefs and attitudes. References Coryell, D.B. (2007). Good grief: Healing through the shadow of loss. Vermont: Healing Arts Press. Kesler, D. (2012). The five stages of grief. Retrieved from http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ Mallon, B. (2008). Dying, death and grief: Working with adult bereavement. New York: SAGE, 2008. Read More