Mother and Teenager Daughter Fight Constantly - Essay Example

Mother and Teenager Daughter Fight Constantly of the __________ The tussle between mother and adolescent daughter has become quite common these days. According to Hargie (2006), “This is a common occurrence in many Western cultures – often daughters and mothers work out their need to separate by fighting rather than expressing their sadness at loss” (p. 492). The fight is over trivial things. As Ford (1999) mentions what she found about many teenager girls: Complaining that their mothers don’t understand them, that they are too strict, that they don’t trust them, and that they are embarrassing, most teenagers have seemingly an endless list of things that bug them about their mothers. (p. 8) To overcome this sad state of affairs, it is important to understand the kind of communication that goes between you, your daughter and your husband.

If your husband is extremely busy in his work and his hobbies, he is not lending his ears to what your daughter has to say. His disinterest towards her makes him an indifferent father. Thus the girl might be feeling neglected. In this scenario, the mother has to take the higher share of responsibilities. It is good that you prefer discussing things with your daughter. However, the tone of discussions should not be like ‘you do this’ and ‘you do that’. Teenagers feel offended when the parents dictate the dos and don’ts.

Hence your daughter is becoming a bit rebellious. As you said that you and your husband had tough verbal fights when your daughter was small and you were working. That impression might be still intact in her mind. Hence she starts arguments at every small thing. Now that you are not working anymore, spend more time with her. Parents normally feel that they spend ample time with their adolescent child. However, most of the teenagers say that their parents are too busy to give them time. If your daughter is one among them, you need to think and act on it.

Do something that both of you enjoy the most. Go out shopping with her. Discuss what her friends wear, what they say, what trend is in and what is not. Do not instruct her on every decision that she has to take. Guide her on the pros and cons of the options that she has in hand. This will make her reach at the best option possible. There is no harm in expressing your choice. However, it should not be imposed on her. If she chooses an option different from your choice, ask her the reasons behind it.

Respect her decision even if it is different and boost her confidence. She might face challenges in future because of her decision. Do not say, “I had told you, this can happen. Now do not expect any help from me. Do whatever you want to.” She might feel devastated in such a scenario. Suggest her on how to sail out of a problem. Be democratic in setting some basic rules, be consistent with them and leave the rest. You can also encourage your husband to increase communication with his daughter.

Tell him the benefit of communication for adolescent, and that your daughter needs a more love-filled teenage before she walks into adulthood. Grandparents can also play an important role in strengthening the family bond. Plan frequent meetings with your, as well as your husband’s parents. Once your daughter develops a healthy relationship with her grandparents, she might go alone to meet them and seek advice. As Jackson and Hector (1993) mention: For a high percentage of adolescents (37% in the younger group and 62% in the older), grandparents are adults to whom life problems and secrets can be entrusted.

Such conversations seem to be gratifying and helpful for the adolescents and lend additional significance to their relationships with grandparents. (p. 141) Your daughter can be altogether a different person from you. However, she must be having some beliefs and values that you value as a family or an individual. Thus it is essential to explain the importance of being herself instead of imitating her peers. Make her understand that you are the person she can bank upon whenever she is in need.

Approach her with open mind and open arms and you will be able to resolve all your problems. References: Hargie, Owen. (2006). The Handbook of Communication Skills. (3rd ed.) New York: Routledge Ford, Judy., and Ford, Amanda. (1999). Between Mother & Daughter: A Teenager and her Mom Share the Secrets of a Strong Relationship. Boston: Red Wheel / Weiser. Ryff, Carol D., and Seltzer, Marsha Mailick. (1996). The Parental Experience in Midlife. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. Jackson, Sandy,.

and Rodriguez-Tome, Hector. (1993). Adolescence and its Social Worlds. U.K.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Ltd.