Paternal Affections in To a Sad Daughter - Book Report/Review Example

Apprehensions and Reflections of a Father in Michael Ondaatje’s ‘To a Sad Daughter’ Paternal Affections in ‘To a Sad Daughter’ Michael Ondaatje’s ‘To a Sad Daughter’ to a great extent reminds of Jamaica Kincaid’s ‘Girl’ like so many other feminist poems. Not because they are the same in structure, as obviously they’re not. While Kincaid wrote in continuous poetry with next to nothing punctuations, lines or stanzas, Ondaatje’s poem is quite easier to read with its direct to the point and conventional free versed lines. It is not also because they contain the exact same theme as again they do not. But while Kincaid reminds us of the many realities that stereotypes young women, ‘To a Sad Daughter’ begs to differ. It is primarily a poem from father to daughter containing his reflections about his adolescent daughter and how her life should be lived. In all its simplicity of language and of style, Ondaatje delivers a poem that directly touches the heart without coating itself with the pretensions obfuscated language. The first stanza introduces us to the omniscient subject of the poem. It indicates her hobbies and interests which obviously revolve around sports, specifically hockey, which she avidly follows. The daughter, sound asleep in her tracksuit suggests that more than being a fan, she also devotes time to playing a number of possible sports which she busies herself with. The third line already introduces the daughter’s penchant for goalies both famous and not. The father, in his paternal ways looks upon her with mixed feelings. The first few lines present the daughter to be somewhat boyish in her ways and in her interests. The line ‘oh my god’ although still referring to a reaction from something which is hockey-related shows the girlish side of the daughter as such a reaction can only be merited by a girly teenager regardless of the reference. Perhaps solely concentrating on the sports page of the newspaper over breakfast, this indicates a morning ritual that both of them share regularly. This puts on view that there are still certain things that are considerably ordinary in their lives. The Unconditional The second stanza reveals the father’s apprehensions yet unconditional love toward his daughter. It comes off as though a love poem which encompasses all the little idiosyncrasies which makes up the whole feeling toward another person. It reflects a common paradox among fathers who may or may not admit it but deep inside they would always long for a son and when they do have daughters they would want them to partly act same as a son but would have now this dilemma of having confused themselves and their child. They say that sons live to be their fathers and the question is now how do daughters live through their fathers. He admits that he likes or ‘loves’ her more for it. The ‘faults,’ ‘the purple moods,’ ‘the retreat’ from all just to enjoy solitary confinement common among most teenagers. It also has the inherent embarrassment that most adolescents feel upon being showily showered with affection by their parents. The last few lines are of how he was astonished and in a way offhandedly charmed that his daughter would prefer ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon’ over a timeless love story like ‘Casablanca.’ It seems almost outlandish to him how a daughter would be more engrossed to such a grisly movie (Ondaatje, 1984). The emotion that fills the poem is very much a reality that most parents face. Early on it is a common habit to project children in a certain light that would envelope their potentials. There are all the expectations that merits being the perpetuation of one’s own self. The first two lines is basically the father’s unguarded realization of how his daughter turned out to be who she is and still being able to love her even more is nothing short of parental love ubiquitous in his affections. It is also a reflection of the solitude that teenagers crave when they are at home. The constant longing to be left alone and the mood swings are all manifestations of the realities of parent-children relationships. It is even endearing how the father replaces the word love with like to euphemize his feelings so as not to humiliate his daughter. The movies to him is a bridge into imparting upon his daughter his interests but it eventually made him realize how there are certain things that his daughter would much rather watch. Not out of spite or anything but because it just happens to be what she is genuinely fond of. The Realities of Life The next stanzas give us the father’s perspective on life and how his daughter has to deal with it. This pretty much gears the tone of the poem. The persona was matter-of-factly in how the daughter would sooner or later see that as she grows older certain things would change and that there would be times when life would throw her a curveball and she has to face it and be open to the possibilities of being hurt and as a result learning as she goes along. The father gives the best advice by simply saying that she should follow her heart and listen to the voice that’s deep inside her. It is admirable how there is no sugar coating in the way that the realities of life are presented by the father. Quite simply, he tells her to be keen of everything around her but at the same time open herself up to the changes that would consequently enrich her life in the process. The father’s concerns are directly laid out and how whatever happens he will remain her greatest ally. It is apparent that he is a realistic type of parent who knows that along the way there will be circumstances that could trip her and yet he acknowledges that she is not perfect and would not wish her to be. To him, those should be learning lessons that would lead her to becoming a better person. In the poem it goes (Ondaatje, 1984): Just dont be fooled by anyone but yourself. This is the first lecture Ive given you. Youre sweet sixteen you said. Id rather be your closest friend than your father. Im not good at advice This is a great advice and one that cannot be usually expected from a father. It is going to be certain that eventually she will fall in love. That there will be boys in her life that would lead her to the next phases of her teenage life and her entire life would be sealed to similar moments. The poem is an advice and a revelation of the feelings of the father on her sixteenth birthday. A momentous time that galvanizes things that are soon to follow. The persona recognizes what is evident in the entire poem, more than anything he comes off more as a friend than a father. Not the type of strict father that would oftentimes picture his daughter to be an eternal 8-year-old perfect in every which way that he sees her. There is evidently the concession that he is not good at advice but on the contrary, his advice is great because they are real. It is something relatable and one that permits the recognition of life and all its veracity and not just how we would want to see it, with rose-tainted glasses. Fathers and Daughters There is quite frankly a feeling of jealousy upon the reading of the poem. It is almost impossible for fathers to share the same sentiments and counsels to their children, especially of daughters. They say that fathers want sons so that they can mold them to be like them. Share the same interests, in sports, women and other things. It is much easier for them to relate to sons for they know exactly what they are going through and what they would be going through for they have experienced it themselves. But with daughters it’s a whole different story. It is almost the same as a man lamenting that he doesn’t understand women. What if that woman or that girl happens to be your own daughter? There is this disconnect that most fathers feel when their daughters grow up and they could no longer find a common ground to establish continuity. They would always have this proclivity to think that from thereon after a simple doll or a pretty dress would content her. But the reality is that girls grow too and that their interests would eventually differ. The fear of retribution that comes in the form of transference through ones daughter is also something that is conceivably something that men think of. This is why when asked how a man should treat a woman the best recommendation would be just to think of your mother or your sister and do the same as how they should be treated. In comes with respect and knowledge that they are to be treated with admiration. This may be something that is against what feminists are fighting for but it is something that still reigns true. Though there is the persistent concession that men and women are equal there is also the truth that lies in the fact that there are differences among the genders. Physically it is palpable that there is a variation. Something like what may be physically impossible for women could be something that a man can accomplish. There is also the emotional aspect wherein women could take the lead. They say that if women dominate leadership, in the world of business for example, then their sensibility and contemplativeness might have prevented today’s economic recession. Self-discoveries The next stanza is a lamentation of a father having to let go of his little girl. Among the shortest stanzas in the poetry, its length does not in any way subordinate the emotion that comes off from the poem. The simple truth that teenagers preoccupy themselves with their friends rather than with their family is a universal feeling. The father is grieving over the sad reality that his daughter would now much rather be with her friends discovering new things than be with him. He considers it greed, the way that he longs for his daughter and keeps her as his little girl forever. He also recognizes how he at times loses his temper at her, calling it his ‘purple world’ and in the process losing her affection. The common fights than occur among teenagers and their parents. We have all gone through this stage, the time when we open ourselves up to new possibilities in order to test our limits. Adolescence is quite possibly the most daring time of anyone’s life. This is when we discover all sorts of things that propel us to the world. It is also a time when we feel most awkward about ourselves. The paradox of being in the middle of life when you are not a child anymore and you are not exactly an adult either. We try to find ourselves in many ways and oftentimes we see our capabilities and limitations as human beings. Figuring out how far we are able to go and at times being unable to reckon when enough is enough. This is when vices are introduced along with friends who are as curious as the other person. It is a pivotal moment wherein the generation gap is as clear as it could be. This is frequently when teenagers lose track of their families as they are contained among themselves. It is as though the most important thing in the world is one’s self and everything else is a hindrance that prevents them from discovering who they are. Blame it on the raging hormones as is often said that happens when there is the physical change that defines how one might react to other people. the need to be in touch with friends and being perturbed with peer pressure. The social connections that need to be nourished constantly uses up all their time and energy. It is the time when character starts to be built. Parents at most may seem like they do not understand their children but there is also the most logical perspective that it is only because they want the best for their children and that they would not want them to get compromise their future. They are just as conflicted as with how to react as teenagers are. They are also on the fence on how they should deal with their adolescent children. They would have to firm in choosing between treating them as adults as they would want or treat them as children and protect them from harm’s way. This is also when the ‘empty nest syndrome’ happens as they know that they are much closer to losing their adored child to adulthood. They are on the verge of having to accept that they’re nestlings are going out to the world and define for themselves who they are. It is a bittersweet feeling but it is one that respectable parents would have to go through. The Persistence of Memory Our recollections that envelope us in our most mundane moments grips us in our most ordinary hours. Memory is an interesting concept, how it is rekindled by the simplest forms and how it provokes us to feel certain emotions pertaining to the stimulus of memory. The simplest smell could transport us to a different place, a different moment, even a different life. It is forsythias in the case of the father. The flower would always remind him of her and consequently the happiness and loss that he feels for her. The time when he was in her room as she gapes at the window yearning for the world outside and all the promises it holds while she has to be contented by the need to address mathematics. The letter in the form of poetry that he has written in her desk so that he would be surrounded by her presence as he is inspired to endow her with his most precious gift. The greatest gift that he can give which is imparting his wisdom through the beauty of poetry. “How you live your life I dont care/ but Ill sell my arms for you” (Ondaatje, 1984). This is in essence the undying love that only a parent can give to a child. It is as though there is nothing so heinous or so absolutely wrong the she can do that he would lose his love for her. Admitting that life is hard and that nothing comes easy shows the father’s transparency. There are no lies to the tone of the persona. It is matter-of-factly and candid. That life is a search, a search for everything, for money to be able to provide, for love to be able to feel complete, for meaning to make sense of it all, for purpose to have a goal. It is a parent’s love that holds one’s fort and keeps it from breaking because when all else fails, he wants to make sure she knows he will always be there for her. The devotion that he has makes him beloved. The realization may not be instant for the daughter but it remains as something bound to happen. The Constancy of Death Everyone knows that there is only one thing constant in this world. It is the idea that sooner or later everyone is going to die. That our time here on earth is fleeting. It is only fitting that the poem ends with the discussion of death. There is the thought that it seems a little out of place especially since it was written under the premise that it is a letter for a sixteen-year-old daughter. But the recognition of such is one that attempts to answer in a few lines the father’s take on death. Quite possibly it is because it is a central time when children are now more aware of the concept of death. They are as most adults have become, fearsome of the afterlife. How everyone dreads the uncertainty of what happens in death. She is now more than ever exposed to man’s mortality. We fear death because we fear what we do not know. The daughter through fearing it significantly indicates that she has a first-hand experience of it. The absence of any recognition of a maternal figure points out that most likely the mother has departed. The father’s lack of a coherent answer implies a sentiment of void that has prevented him from coming up with his own conviction on the subject. “Don’t recall graves” (Ondaatje, 1984) is a sublime advice that supplements the previous assumption. When we reminisce of our dearly departed we should not think of how they die but always of how they live. What the father is saying is not to consciously remember or forget those who have passed but to believe that they will remain in memory. That reminiscence comes naturally and that it is eternal. This also comes as an explanation to the relationship of the father and the daughter. The absence of a motherly figure prevented her from having the chance to be able to talk to someone who has had the same experiences as her. Instead, the father takes it upon himself to be his responsibility to fill the void which only a mother can. This is something which commonly occurs among single parents. There is a perennial want to able to provide a normal family even when there is something missing when the truth is things will never be normal in the sense of the traditional family because it is not a normal one per se. Their need to overcompensate does not mean that there is a lacking of love but just a disclosure that it is different. Nor is it being resolved to the idea of being incomplete. What it does on the bright side of things is it allows for the transcendence of the parent to be more than what is commonly asked of him. This is especially hard for a single father as there are certain things that only a woman’s presence can fully provide. Inherent Goodness The violence that is ostensible in the use of hockey as a symbolism reoccurring in the poem alludes to a number of interpretations. Pain takes many forms, it can either lead us to fear or it helps us from eluding it. But beyond the mask lies the gentleness of the person behind it. The confidence over the goodness of man is the way of the father to assure that she has to live a good life and not restrict herself to the cynicisms of the world. The focus on the decency of people and the belief on everything will turn out alright ensures the father’s objectivity of the world for his daughter and how she should live. To fulfill her life and to live her for herself and not for anyone else. The title ‘To a Sad Daughter’ doesn’t directly indicate sorrow as there is no way to fully conclude that. It is the father’s sentiment toward his daughter, of how he feels toward her and on how he regards their life to be. It should be remembered that when there is sadness there it comes along that there is also joy. As it is felt the latter thus follows. Our life encompasses all these and more. These are the facts of life and it is something we have to live by. The greatest gift that we can give to our parents is have a life well lived because we live through them as they live through us. Bibliography Ondaatje, M. (1984). To a sad daughter. Read More