Violence in Relationships between Individuals - Essay Example

Violence in Relationships Ways Individuals Cope with Violence in Relationships It is amusing that some individuals in abusive and violent relationships can cope and stay in the same violent relationships. It is a fact that violence in relationships continues to be a serious health concern (Ronan, 2004). Violence in relationships may begin in early stages of the relationship with subtle signs of violence and aggression. With time, the aggression levels increase and actual violent attacks such as assault may manifest in the relationship. Individuals in violent relationships may respond to violence in the relationship by using passive or active responses. A woman in a violent relationship may engage in active measures to cope with violent attacks from the husband. For instance, the woman may engage in provocative behavior with the aim of controlling the time and location of violence (Schewe, 2002). A woman in a violent relationship may also be involved in passive acts of coping with violence to protect herself, her children and the marriage. Individuals in gender-based violent relationships may also cope with the violence in their relationships by applying a number of cognitive coping strategies. In this case, the victim in the relationship constantly reassures themselves that they are “okay” by focusing on more unfortunate individuals encountering worse situations (Oleary & Maiuro, 2001). Through cognitive responses, the victim may also be compelled to cope with the violent situations by focusing on the rewards of the relationship as opposed to the costs. Women may also remain in violent relationship with hope and belief that the will “save” their man and change them to be better persons. Women who cope in violent situations with such beliefs are often those who perceive themselves as competent in many areas of life (Cory & Mcandless-Davis, 2001). They opt to cope with violent and abusive partners as they perceive leaving would be abandonment of the helpless, needy and dependent partner/husband. Reasons why Individuals Cope with Violence Individuals cope with violence due to a number of reasons. Studies by scholars on gender-based violence highlight a number of reasons why women in violent relationships choose to stay and cope with the violence. Women in violent relationships may experience learned helplessness and opt to stay with their violent partners. Such victims over time learn to perceive themselves as powerless and functionally helpless in the violent situations. Women who cope with violence due to such reasons never have the hope of stopping the abuse and improving the relationship but rather conform to the violent acts in the relationship and get used to violence. In adverse cases, some women may even go to the extents of provoking their partners on purpose to spark the violence that they are used to. Individuals may also cope to violence as a result of traumatic bonding and the Stockholm syndrome. Violence occurs in relationships as a result of power imbalance with the perpetrator perceiving themselves as superior to their victims (Frieze, 2005). The resultant effect is that the victim may develop traumatic bonding as a result of the Stockholm syndrome. Such cases occur as a result of the victim being attached to the perpetrator. The victim develops sympathy for the perpetrator and may at times justify the acts of violence (Frieze, 2005). For example, a woman in a violent relationship may justify the acts of their violent spouse by saying that their partner is only violent when drunk or when wronged. Women may also cope with violence in relationships due to lack of alternative means of financial support. In such cases, the women choose to stay in violent relationships to ensure their needs and those of their children are catered by the violent partners (Arriaga & Oskamp, 1999). Lack of support from friends and family further compels women to stay in violent relationships as they fear leaving their relationships to suffer without alternative means of support. External Influences External societal and cultural influences also forces women to stay in violent relationships. Women opt to cope with violence as opposed to leaving their abusive relationship. For instance, after marriage, the woman believes that they are in the marriage for “better or worse” and when the violence kicks in, they acknowledge that the “worse” they expected has finally manifested and it is their obligation to live through the worst situations in the marriage (Arriaga & Oskamp, 1999). Women also stay in violent relationships with the fear of being socially ostracised (Otoole, 1997). Many societies place the role of making homes to women and those who abandon their marriage are viewed as failures by individuals in the society. Women thus opt to cope with violence as opposed to leaving with the fear of banishment by society and the hope of making thing work at home. Cultural norms are also responsible for encouraging violence in relationships. An example is an African proverb which proposes that if a man does not beat their wife, then they do not love the wife (Terry Hoare, 2007). With such backward cultural norms, women stay in violent relationships with the false belief that violence is a form of affection. Moreover, the women fail to perceive any eminent danger or safety risks as they believe that their violent spouses, who have affection for them, may beat them up but never harm them to adverse extents. Conclusion Violence and abuse in relationships is a major concern. Women continue to suffer in abusive relationships as a result of coping with violence in the relationships. Various factors such as trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome, learned helplessness and lack of alternative economic means force women to cope in violent relationships. With empowerment, however, women can deal with violence in their lives emanating from their spouses. The perception of helplessness and passive coping mechanisms of aggression can be dealt with through empowering women. An empowered woman will seldom be compelled to stay in a violent relationship as she will have the means and reasons to leave the relationship in cases of violence. No individual is supposed to be entitled to any form of violence especially that originating from their loved ones. References Arriaga, X. B., & Oskamp, S. (1999). Violence in intimate relationships. Thousand Oaks, Calif. Sage Publication. Cory, J., & Mcandless-Davis, K. (2001). When love hurts: A Womans Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships. Surrey, B.C., WomanKind Press. Frieze, I. H. (2005). Hurting the one you love: Violence in Relationships. Belmont, CA, Thomson Wadsworth. Oleary, K. D., & Maiuro, R. D. (2001). Psychological Abuse in Violent Domestic Relations. New York, Springer. Otoole, L. L. (1997). Gender violence: Interdisciplinary Perspectives. New York, New York Univ. Press. Ronan, G., Dreer, L., Dollard, K. M., & Ronan, D.W. (2004). Vilolent Couples: Coping and Communication Skills. Journal of Family Violence, Vol. 19, No. 2. Schewe, P. A. (2002). Preventing violence in relationships interventions across the life span. Washington, D.C, American Psychological Association. Terry, G., & Hoare, J. (2007). Gender-based violence. Oxford, Oxfam. Read More