Parenting Is Not for Everyone - Research Paper Example

Your full December 12, Parenting is not for Everyone Parenting is a job which many people misjudge as a simple task but actually it is something that requires effort, time, money, patience and struggle. This paper discusses how parenting becomes difficult for some couples. First of all, an introduction has been given as to what parenting actually is. Next, pressures that come with parenting are discusses followed by various options that parents go for when they do not want to have children. Introduction Brooks has defined parenting as a process of nourishing and directing the children and meeting their basic physical, psychological and emotional requirements so that they are able to grow and earn their bread and butter. Good parenting provides the children with values, morals, ideas and attitudes; while, there is also bad parenting that tends to ruin their whole personalities. To grow into responsible citizens, children want security and affection which is only provided by those parents who are actually willing to be parents and do the tough job of raising kids. Parenting is the process that requires the most patience that one can have because kids are not understanding by nature, and it is a very tactful job to handle them by making them understand little issues. This is why it is believed that everybody does not have what it takes to handle the pressures of raising children, which can lead some to choosing other options. What are the Pressures of Raising Children? In order to give the reader an idea why parenting is not a favorable choice made by many parents, it is important to discuss first what the pressures of raising children actually are that lead parents to go for other options rather than parenting. The biggest pressure for the parents is that they have to devote themselves whole heartedly to their children. They have to make their life schedules flexible enough to work with their children’s routine. In an intention to fit everything into their busy lives, they start directing their children instead of dealing with them, and this robes them of their personalities, which increases their dependency on their parents. This leaves the parents more stressed out. Parents have to work hard to make both ends meet especially when there is more than one child. They have to cater to their children’s physical and emotional demands no matter how much tired they may be. They have to sacrifice their sleep. They have to plan out their vacations according to children’s comfort. They have to think about providing proper accommodation to the children. Having children puts a hurdle to one’s freedom and increases responsibilities. These are some of the many pressures that parents essentially have to go through no matter they are good parents or bad parents. Those who succeed in accepting pressures and work accordingly are good parents at the end of the day, and those who do not are bad parents. Hence, raising a kid is not a job that everyone has the wits to do. What are the Other Options? There is no point in becoming a bad parent when today there are choices that one can make about staying child-free. There is no need to give the society ruined, rude, irresponsible, dependent, violent and insecure citizens that are a result of bad parenting. Flannery O’Connor, in her story A Good Man is Hard to Find, describes how parents have been unsuccessful in dealing with their disorderly kids who are disrespectful and fussy. They controlled their parents which ruins the whole family when Bailey, the father, gives in to the children’s wish to see the secret tunnel. He turns the car and heads toward the place, and finally they are encountered with The Misfit who kills the whole family. So, what are the other options that parents may turn to when they do not want to become parents? Here, we discuss this in detail. Abortion One choice is abortion when a couple does not want to have children to avoid responsibilities. “An abortion is a procedure where a woman chooses to end her pregnancy”, states Stacey. Women go for abortions when they encounter unplanned pregnancies even while they are using contraceptives. “More than 40% of all women will end a pregnancy by abortion at some time in their reproductive lives” (Stacey). Ernest Hemingway, in his short story Hills like White Elephants, has written about the same issue in which a girl becomes pregnant unplanned. She discusses her pregnancy with her husband who is the antagonist in this story. The reader comes across the couple sitting at railway station looking over the trains and the countryside when the husband drags the girl into the discussion about having an abortion. She is not willing to undergo an abortion and wishes deep down to have the child and raise him. She is willing to bear the responsibilities that come with bearing the child, but the husband forces her to think about having an abortion and, at the same time, manipulates her by telling her that he will still love her no matter what decision she makes. But actually he does not want to have children because he is disrespectful towards life. He talks insultingly about life when he says that abortion means just letting some air inside and getting rid of the thing. The girl is submissive and simultaneously wishing that her husband may allow her to bear the pregnancy. The husband says that the pregnancy will ruin their relationship and the girl thinks that not having children will put an end to their love. Both are being selfish and thinking about the life of their relationship instead of the life that is nurturing inside the girl’s belly. In another story, Black Man and White Woman in Dark Green Rowboat, the author Banks Russell describes how a white woman and a black man have a sexual encounter and face an unplanned pregnancy. The woman who wants to get rid of her pregnancy so that she is able to survive in her “nigger-hating” social life; while, the man wants her to keep her pregnancy because he wants her to have an identity as his sexual object and live with him in his society. Both are acting self-centeredly, thinking only about their social lives and their personal relationship. These stories tell us that abortion is a selfish choice that is being made by parents in today’s society. However, besides a selfish choice, it is also a better decision to not having children than to have children and not love them. Permanent Contraception Couples decide prior to marriage whether they want to have kids or remain child-free all their lives. It is perfectly normal for them to make this option although they have to explain to people why at all they made such a decision. People decide to remain child-free when they think that they do not want to complicate their lives with the pressures of parenting. If this does not pose a threat to the relationship, then the couple can mutually decide about this for which they have to go for permanent contraception techniques like tubal ligation which is female sterilization, and vasectomy which is male sterilization. After permanent contraception, the couple is unable to bear pregnancy at all. Researchers like Valle, Carignan and Wright have studied the effectiveness of various permanent contraceptive devices, and have concluded they are totally safe and reliable. Adoption Adoption may also be another option that parents can go for when they do not want to have their own children. They adopt a child and raise him. The relaxation here they see is that they can adopt a child without having to go through the hardships of pregnancy and labor. Second, they might wrongly think that they will have to bear less responsibility in adoption as compared to if they raised their own child. This is unfair to the child anyway because every child, no matter he is the actual one or adopted, has the same sorts of problems, issues and demands that must be fulfilled by the parents in order to be raised into good human beings. Thus, adoption, which is often regarded as an option than parenting, is actually not a way out. Foster Care “Foster care is a way of providing a family life for children who cannot live with their own parents” (International Foster Care Organisation). Foster care is a temporary care that the parents can seek to help them raise their children especially when they are facing troubles in raising them. Some children remain with foster parents till the problems with the actual parents are solved; some remain on foster care for long; some get adopted; and, some never return and start living independently as they grow older. Conclusion Hence, parenting is a tough job which not every parent can undertake. Due to the pressures that parenting, or good parenting, poses, parents often want to go for other options rather than bearing pregnancies, going through labors, and then bearing fussy children who tend to ruin their parents’ social and personal lives for good. Thus, parents go for adoption, abortions, permanent sterilization, foster care, and other similar choices. The aim behind every choice is staying away from the responsibilities that come with children. Whatever choice they make, they always have to explain their decisions before the society as it is not regarded as normal even in today’s modern society. Works Cited Banks, Russell. “Black Man and White Woman in Dark Green Rowboat.” The Story and Its Writer: An Introduction to Short Fiction by Ann Charters. USA: Bedford/St. Martins, 2010. Brooks, Jane B. The Process of Parenting. USA: McGraw-Hill, 1999. Hemingway, Ernest. “Hills like White Elephants.” The Story and Its Writer: An Introduction to Short Fiction by Ann Charters. USA: Bedford/St. Martins, 2010. International Foster Care Organisation. What is Foster Care? IFCO, 2010. Web. 12 Dec 2010. < http://www.ifco.info/?q=what_is_foster_care >. O’Connor, Flannery. “A Good Man is hard to Find.” The Story and Its Writer: An Introduction to Short Fiction by Ann Charters. USA: Bedford/St. Martins, 2010. Stacey, Dawn. “What is Abortion.” About.com: Contraception. About.com, 2010. Web. 12 Dec 2010. < http://contraception.about.com/od/contraceptionfailure/a/aboutabortion.htm>. Valle, Rafael F., Carignan, Charles F., and Thomas C. Wright. “Tissue Response to the STOP Microcoil Transcervical Permanent Contraceptive Device: Results from a Prehysterectomy Study.” Fertility and Sterility 76.5 (2001): 974-980. Read More