The Relationship Between Attitude Similarity and Interpersonal Attraction - Essay Example

ESSAY—IN SEARCH OF A SIGNIFICANT OTHER INTRODUCTION As a child the relationships that one has are straightforward and not out of ones choice like parent-child, between siblings, between relatives but these relationships are the foundation for a lifelong relationship with a person who becomes a significant part of your life, on whom you depend for each and every thing be it love, comfort, sharing joys and sorrows, victories and defeats, losses and gains. This is the one pivotal relationship on which revolves your world. For some the ideal person appears just out of the blue as in made in heaven to be with each other forever but for others the search for an ideal soul mate is not as easy as that. During my childhood days my dream girl was a princess who helped me comforted me and played games with me. The teen years saw the evolution of the pretty princess into a sensational diva who could set my soul on fire, someone who would attract envious glances from my peers an absolute beauty with a perfect figure and ravishing looks. But as the years progressed and as I passed out of the turbulent teens my mind settled down and now rationality has set in as I realize that the girl who will be my life partner has to have a whole lot more than looks and sex appeal. When the essay topic was announced at first I found the notion quite ridiculous but when my thoughts settled I felt that this was the right time to delve on this issue which has a bearing on my whole life. This essay topic has prodded me into realistically thinking as to what exact attributes am I searching for in my partner, the significant other. I take this opportunity to search my mind, heart and soul to draw a sketch of the girl for me. It is not an easy task especially to name only three aspects when so many flood your mind but this is a great opportunity to mind map, think and analyze an issue which we usually tend to ignore or hope that all the pieces of the jigsaw fall into place by themselves. PRIORITY LIST I] ATTRACTIVENESS: One of the main and obvious criteria in search of a significant other is obviously looks and the attraction that I would feel for the other person. According to Bailey and Kelly (1984), perceived physical attractiveness of self and others has been shown to be an important dimension in the establishment of interpersonal relationships. I totally agree with this as I mean as a child I wanted Pam Anderson to be my dream girl but when I became older I obviously knew what I wanted in a girl. I do not see how it could change as these are what are most important to me. Looks and physical attraction do mean a lot to me so here I agree with the researchers. Individuals only enter into and maintain a relationship with people whom they perceive as supporting their own self-concept (Bailey and Kelly, 1984). In my opinion this is absolutely true. Though as I have stated earlier that I am not looking for a sizzling siren but the appearance of the girl does count to me as I would want a girl who I can proudly introduce to my peers and relatives. Some one who is smart and looks good by my side. According to evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss, it is a universal desire based on evolutionary pressures for reproductive success. In most cultures throughout the world, men’s attraction to youth has been understood and honored. Buss found that men throughout the world were attracted to beautiful women. "Full lips, clear and smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair, nice figure, and good muscle tone," he says, "are universally sought after. So I think I am no different. But despite all the above this is the area where I am willing to compromise if need be. While I do not want her repulsive if she is not the hottest thing since sliced bread it would not bother me as much. As they say beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. Plus like the song says, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty women your wife" II] INTELLECTUAL CONNECT This is the next criteria on the list of attributes as it is very important to connect with your partner mentally. Physical attractiveness wanes in the long run and physical beauty can be only skin deep but what stays on and on is the mental connection. It is also important that the partners go side by side with each other as if, one is slow and lags behind as in the case of progress or promotion in your career the other partner feels an inferiority complex which leads to a widening, dividing gap in the relationship. In the long run if the partners are not at par, the superior one is overbearing and snuffs out the others individuality and personality. I would first settle down in a career before seriously considering the partner of my life as this stability would be very important to our relationship. If both the partners are independent and capable in themselves it develops confidence in the relationship as one does not hang onto the other. As stated by Dr.Parrott (1998:20) "If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself." Thus self identity, individuality and being at par intellectually are v. important for a lasting relationship. III] SIMILARITY IN DISIMILARITY According to Hartup and Zick (1986), Relationships are more than mere contexts for social learning; they are gateways or channels to an ever widening range of experiences Despite popular notions that point to and propagate the theory that a relationship is more stable if the two partners share similar interests and likings I personally do not agree with this as I feel that the relationship would become monotonous and staid. There would be a wider variety of activities and choices, if my partner did not share the same choices as I. Yes, there definitely is the question of differences which could lead to quarrels and disagreements but if we truly love one another there would be mutual respect for each others likes and dislikes. Also if we are different it would add spice to the relationship and leave so much open to explore and discover about each other in the relationship. In fact if we say shared similar professions it could lead to a tussle and competition as to who is better. If we are in different professions it would foster healthy respect and each would feel proud of the partners achievement without any jealous feelings, or insecurity of being inferior to the partner and each can move ahead freely in their respective fields. Also both can gain so much from each other as each one would have different working circles. Rubin T. (1980) says that mature relating involves seeing the other individual as separate and whole, with all the limitations inherent in being human. I have met someone who meets my qualifications. After this girl I feel that I have become more mature surprisingly. I thought when I met this person I would be just as wild as I always was in my younger days. However since meeting her Ive mellowed out and become more mature. The criterion that has changed is the third one. I thought a person who was dissimilar would be better but that was not to happen. The girl I am going out with is very similar to me. A few of my fears are coming to the fore though as I feel that despite being like minded our communication is surprisingly hard. I thought it would be very simple considering our similar personalities but at times its a pain. Neither one of us likes to make choices that involve both of us. Things like do we want to go out to eat, go to a movie, exc. The positive side is that since meeting/being with her Ive become more down to earth with other people. Before her I had a hard time talking to people older than my friends or people I did not know well as I felt I could not relate and vise versa. But shes helped me mature to talk things out better. In an article by LaPrelle, Hoyle, Insko, and Bernthal (1990), two researchers, Byrne and Nelson (1965), believed to find a positive linear relationship between attitude similarity and interpersonal attraction, and therefore termed the effect the "law of attraction". I believe that this is applicable to my relationship as I am attracted to my girl due to similarity in our attitudes. After completing this activity I have learned that instead of digressing from key issues of ones life it is better to acknowledge them and face them. I have been realistically able to assess my current relationship and see how I can work to make it better. Like I said that I find that the communication between us is painful. Now, after I have revealed this aspect of our relationship during the process of writing this essay I have realized that we both should work on this vital aspect if we want our relationship to work and sustain for a lifetime. I will take the initiative in making choices as we share the same interests, this would appeal to her also. I will be more open and take the lead in our communication maybe this will enable her also to open up and the communication will become more free and easy going. Thus this activity has taught me that we should confront personal issues instead of dillydallying so that we can have more meaningful relationships with our near, dear and loved ones. BIBLIOGRAPHY Bailey, R.C., & Kelly, M. (1984): Perceived physical attractiveness in early, steady, and engaged daters. The Journal of Psychology, 116, 39-43. Buss,D.M.(1995). Evolutionary psychology: A new paradigm for psychological science. Psychological Inquiry, 6, 1-30. Hartup, W. and Rubin, Zick (1986): Relationships and Development, Social Science Research Council, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc. New Jersey. LaPrelle, J., Hoyle, R.H., Insko, C.A., & Bernthal, P. (1990). Interpersonal attraction and descriptions of the traits of others: Ideal similarity, self similarity, and liking. Journal of Research in Personality, 24, 216-240. Rubin Isaac T. (1999): One to One-Understanding Personal Relationships, Forge Books, Macmillan Press, UK. Parrot, Les and Leslie (1998): Relationships: how to make bad relationships better and good relationships great, Zondervan, Michigan, USA. Pg.no.20 Read More