The importance of Commitment in any relationship that one hopes will last - Essay Example

IMPORTANCE OF COMMITMENT IN A RELATIONSHIP A commitment, in the context of personal relationships, is an undertaking on the part of an individual to obligatorily behave within certain parameters in situations relating to another individual. Many of us suffer from ‘commitment phobia’, which is the apprehension and tendency to avoid being enticed into commitments, especially personal relationships, at some stage in our lives. Commitment, nevertheless, is the foundation on which relationships are built, and as such, it is an inherent part and parcel of life.

Due to this, it is important to evaluate commitment in its correct perspective, and allocate a healthy degree of importance to it. The three stories display different levels of importance to commitment in relationships between characters, and also expose the commitment phobia symptoms of some of them. The role of the simplistic Gimpel in “Gimpel the Fool” is a classic example of total commitment to a relationship – in this case, to his wife Elka. The story, set in a small Jewish town, tells how a gullible Gimpel is lured into marriage with an adulterous woman who treats him with contempt and ridicule, brazenly carrying on affairs with different lovers.

Gimpel suffers this humiliation, sometimes yearning to break away from the relationship (“Enough of being a donkey,” he used to chide himself, “Gimpel isn’t going to be a sucker all his life”). But sucker he chose to be, turning down the advice of the rabbi to divorce Elka (“Let her go, the harlot,” said he, “and her brood of bastards with her”). Gimpel continues to believe in his wife “What is the good of not believing? Today it’s your wife you don’t believe, tomorrow it’s God himself you won’t take stock in”), staying totally committed to her until her untimely death.

Elka realizes the importance of commitment in their relationship only when she is on her death bed, when she pleads with her husband to forgive her (“Forgive me Gimpel. It was ugly how I deceived you all these years”). The wrongs that she committed, and the bad way she treated her simple but good husband, continue to plague her even after death (at the end of the story, Elka’s ghost materializes, urging Gimpel to continue in the path of righteousness). “The Lady with the Dog” is a story set in Russia.

The protagonist, Dmitri Gurovm denigrates women and refers to them as “the lower race”. Unhappy with his marriage, bound to a wife “who loved without any genuine feeling”, and linked to the conventional Moscow society, he looks for diversions. He does not attach importance to commitments in various extra-marital relationships as “simple and amusing,” testimony of his “eagerness for life.” Anna Sergeyevna is a refreshing change from his other “capricious, unreflecting, domineering, unintelligent women not in their first youth,” mistresses.

On her part, Anna is married to Von Diderits, whom she calls a “flunkey,” and searches desperately for diversion (“There must be a different sort of life. I want to live, to live!). But she is still bound by the rules of marriage, and after her brief fling with Gurov in Yalta, her guilt (she kids herself “The Evil One has beguiled me”) surfaces as she departs, vowing never to see him again (“It’s a good thing I am going away. It’s the finger of destiny!). Gurov, however, continues to be haunted by Anna and takes the trouble to search and find her, professes his love for her and pleads with her to continue their relationship.

His overtures succeed, and Anna starts visiting Moscow regularly, where the lovers meet in the Slaviansky Bazaar Hotel. Their relationship continues for many years till both are old. It seemed to them that “fate itself had meant them for one another, and they could not understand why he had a wife and she a husband.” The story ends with them yearning for inspiration (“How? How? How?”) on the way to be free from their “intolerable bondage.” Gurov and Anna are each committed to their relationship on a secondary level; their primary commitment remains to their separate married partners in life.

They are too cowardly to forego their primary commitment and give full importance to their secondary commitment. Their plea that their life was “shattered” because “life was so hard for them, that they could only meet in secret, like thieves,” is thus seen as the claim of hypocrites, who want to enjoy both primary and secondary relationships in their lives. Michael and Frances in “The Girls in Their Summer Dresses,” a story set in New York, enjoy a 5 year marriage relationship.

There seems to be no problems attached except for a tendency of Frances to charge her husband with being a flirt (‘You always look at other women; at every damn woman in the city of New York; everywhere, every damned place we go – restaurants, subways, theaters, lectures, concerts.” Her allegation takes on a humorous note when she describes the way he categorizes women, claiming that if the women was not pretty, he would “turn away fairly quickly”, if she was slightly pretty he would watch her briefly “for about seven steps”, and if she was really pretty he would “practically break his neck trying to watch her as long as possible.

” Michael protests that he loves Frances, is happy at being married to her, is proud of being her husband (“I am the envy of all men between the ages of fifteen and sixty in the state of New York”), has not had an affair with anyone since their marriage, and even laughingly points to the fact that he is “getting near middle age, and putting on a little fat.” He claims that his liking to watch different women shoppers at Fifth Avenue is just an innocent, pleasant pastime. Both Michael and Frances attach important value and commitment to their relationship.

They are true and committed to one another and apart from the Michael’s unimportant, totally human, perceived deficiency of “woman watching,” both are otherwise enjoying a stable relationship. The fact that Frances’ outburst is unimportant is seen at the end of the story when Frances asks Michael coolly (as if her outburst had never taken place) if she should confirm their appointment with the Stevensons, while her husband continues to indulge in his favorite pastime - admiring the “pretty girl with nice legs” – only this time, he is admiring his wife.

The common human weakness to resist commitment in a relationship is evident in many characters in the three stories. One of the symptoms of commitment phobia is that persons fall in love with others who are not interested in entering into a committed relationship. This symptom is exhibited by both Anna as well as Gurov. Another commitment phobia symptom is the tendency to be excessively critical of the other partner, annoying/abusing/hurting that partner, thus endangering the relationship. This symptom is seen in the character of Elka.

The characters who understand and appreciate the value of commitment, exhibiting traits of sincere obligation to the relationship are Gimpel, Michael and Frances. The different responses to commitment by the characters in the three stories significantly portray different situations in our own lives, reflecting the way we handle our own relationships. At the end of it all, one fact emerges true and unshakeable: there is no doubting the vital importance of commitment in a relationship; a relationship can work harmoniously only if there is total commitment to it by both partners involved.

References used:Anon. “Commitment Phobia.” Avon Hypnotherapy. No date. Chekhov, Anton. “The Lady with the Dog.” Ibiblio.org. No date. < http://www.ibiblio.org/eldritch/ac/jr/197.htm> Shaw, Irvin. “The Girls in Their Summer Dresses.” B&L Associates. 2005.< http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/dresses.html> Singer, Isaac B. “Gimpel the Fool.” Telus.Net. No date. < http://www3.telus.net/Gimpel_Family/Gimpelthefool.html>