Aspects of Assertive Behavior - Essay Example

Running head: BEHAVIOR Assertive Behavior You’re This research focuses on the psychological aspects of life which lead human beings into engaging in certain activities and actions. What one might normally do or even think can suddenly change given a certain situation or predicted outcome. The research summarizes some of the chapters and is written to show that the individual fully comprehends various occurrences that can take place in life and how they personally react to them. There are four different vignettes that are discussed in this body of research and the literature written is drawn from the information gained through the reading in the book, “Your Perfect Right” by Alberti and Emmons. At the end of the vignettes there is a compiled scenario with a response following it. This scenario is totally fictitious but is carried out to show a thorough comprehension of the material that has been studied. Assertive Behavior This first area is my impression of my own personality and traits on how I feel and see things around me. I have begun paying a lot more attention to my social atmosphere around me and have noticed many different traits in all people of all different ethnic classes and economic levels as well. I think what starts more conflicts than anything else in society is a misjudgment of people based on first impressions and it happens to be one of my own personal fears. People look at someone and judge them based on how they wear their hair, how they dress, how they speak, and even their body language. Many disagreements among people could be avoided if they only took the time to open their eyes and look beyond that first impression and get to know people for who they really are, not the superficial aspects of individuals. I personally have my own boundaries and there are certain actions and words that can make me snap and act out inappropriately just as anyone else does. Some of these are based on specific statements concerning race and economic position in society. I hate it when people think they are better than someone else simply because they can afford a better car, more expensive clothing, and larger home. Also, it makes me very angry when people judge someone based on their color or personal beliefs. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and it should be allowed freely and without worry of being ridiculed or beaten up because of it. Isolation is a great fear I have and I have a problem with discussing certain feelings I have because I feel I will then have to deal with ignorance and inappropriate attitudes for a long time that I won’t be able to avoid. This makes me snap very easily and I don’t like that but it is something that I don’t think I have very much control over either. This second area is a summarization of Chapter 3 and holds personal gathered information following the Assertiveness Inventory Checklist. I do believe that one of the most astounding personality traits that I have is my ability to share in my feelings fully with those who are closest to me in my life. After I fully completed the assertiveness checklist I discovered that although I am more than willing to discuss issues in my life that my feel threatening or complicated to me to people that I trust, I am less willing to discuss these same feelings with people I do not know well though I will talk about some things. This would certainly be considered a weakness as if I went to a psychologist or counselor they would not be able to help me fully since I am not willing to open up and be honest with less familiar people. The checklist showed me that although I will talk to strangers about some of my circumstances I won’t tell the whole story, despite the fact that they won’t have an affect on me later in life since they are not a part of my social atmosphere. At the same time that I am discovering this type of issue about me personally, I am also aware there are a lot of people in the world who have these same untrustworthy feelings about people that they do not know very well or that they do not feel comfortable associating with. To explain this better, some of the things I do stand out in my mind in more public places around people that I know but with a mixed type of atmosphere. For instance, I can be around my friends and be discussing certain issues but when I see others around that are friends of theirs but not of mine I tend to shut down and not be as open or as friendly as I am with just them with me. This takes place quite often in classes where there are open discussions and opinions are being given. If I see that the majority of people are leaning in one direction then I am hesitant to voice my opinion on the matter for fear of ridicule or embarrassment. I know that this is a very adverse problem that I have to deal with and that I must work through because opinions are what make life so interesting and one should not hold back their own thoughts on important subjects. My main problem is that in these specific classes I worry that my other classmates are going to judge me based on the opinions I give and that I will be stuck in that situation for an entire semester, worrying about what people think of me based on my thoughts and judgments. I know I should not let this have such a strong hold on my personality but doing this survey shows me that it does. So although I have a pattern of being honest about myself with those close to me, I am more disadvantaged in atmospheres where I have to associate with people but I keep a distance and keep many thoughts to myself so I won’t be judged by what I consider to be a form of ignorance. This third section is summarizing chapters 5 and 6 and discusses the four categories of personality such as: doormat, aggressor, indirect personality, and assertive personality. With regard to the different personality types and my own personality traits in particular, I would have to say that given various situations I might have tendencies to show all four of these various types. In cases where I have fears of speaking up to prove my own points in classes and other public arenas I am timid and indirect, therefore I would exhume signs of the indirect personality type. I would also be characteristic of the doormat type of personality because I do allow other peoples opinions to affect me and change the way I conduct myself from how I truly am in reality. This is a very poor area in my personality and I know it is one that weakens my abilities as well. I need to quit holding back my own opinions in public discussions and various other debates and set my personality from being indirect to more direct and assertive so I can share my beliefs and opinions openly and honestly with all people I come into contact with. Having a doormat personality in some instances allows for people to use me I know and it also allows for them to be able to air all of their feelings and take advantage of me very directly even though they might not be aware they are doing so. Despite myself having patterns that are rather negative when it comes to openly pointing out my own opinions with strangers, I find that I am far more aggressive in this type of situation when talking with my personal friends and family members. In fact, I think I am to aggressive as at times I am rather blunt and very pronounced with my beliefs, not really caring what my family or friends might think of how I voice my opinion about the war or abortion, etc. I really can’t figure out why it is so easy for me to be so profound with people I feel connected to and not those who I am distanced from. However, I have friends that are this exact way and are at times a doormat for their boyfriends and they also show very direct signs of passive traits in classroom discussions as well, specifically if it is a topic like abortion or the war in Iraq. Due to this I do believe that the more prominent personality types are either Indirect or Assertive. I do find that I show assertive characteristics when a topic is something that I can’t keep myself away from despite whether or not I am surrounded by complete strangers or my closest of kin. So I must say therefore that I am a split personality, I have aggressive tendencies, indirect characteristics, and even a doormat type of attitude at times. I believe everyone has multiple characteristics like this. This fourth area is a reflection type of section that is broken down in a, b, and c. A. I believe my own culture affects my assertiveness. For instance, around the elderly I am supposed to be more considerate of their beliefs and not make mine so pronounced which makes me more passive or indirect in my points. With young people my culture explicitly implies that the older people are leaders so I am to be more assertive with my young siblings or cousins, etc. So again this is split. My culture does not view women the same as in America so I am very like a doormat in this regard because women are to be seen and not heard as much. B. I feel that I have very irrational thoughts about the importance of gender which definitely affects my ability to assert myself in many situations, even in my new place of residence. I tend to still believe that the male voice is more important than the female so I am very quiet and don’t speak often among groups of men. This prevents me from having my own needs met and feelings voiced. Therefore this is very irrational behavior I know. C. I think that perhaps if I used some of the cognitive strategies that my course teaches about I might better be able to handle certain situations. For instance, concept mapping I think is a good idea as it would integrate the information I am learning and teach me how to change my own attitude by comparing my own actions with those that I have learned are correct. Also, the Dump and Clump strategy I think is good too. I prefer the dump and clump method because I can identify the behaviors that are more adverse in my life and attempt to remove them. The fifth section here is about listing what I need to change or do to become more assertive by importance. Ask my boyfriend to help with housework more Say no to my upgrade on my gym membership Place more importance on myself Speak up about what is most important to me Have my boyfriend understand my needs more affectively Make sure my parents understand my feelings Talk to strangers more about my opinions in public discussions Feel better about my own attitude and be more assertive in all situations Section 6 is on my behaviors I want to improve on through non-verbal actions 1. I think I do very well on listening because I believe this improves communication. 2. I do want to work on the fluency of my attentiveness during discussions. 3. I need to improve on what my body language suggests to others in discussions. 4. I think I do really well in group activities where other opinions are heard. 5. I need to work on reducing my anxiety and timidness when showing approval or disapproval through body language. Vignette 1 Directly Aggressive: I will go for you after the show is over so that I can watch it all with you and not have to miss anything. Indirectly Aggressive: Do you have to have me go to the store for you right this moment when I just sat down to watch this show with you? Passive: I’ll go in just a minute to go get you what you need from the store. Assertive: I think it would only be fair is you would consider my feelings and wait until after the show is over to request me to run an errand for you. Vignette 2 Directly Aggressive: Don’t you value your customers enough to realize that if services are unacceptable you should do everything to meet that customers needs efficiently? Indirectly Aggressive: I don’t understand why your company can not see the problem that is taking place with the service and allow for better credit than this. Passive: Okay, I understand what you are saying and I appreciate the extra time despite how minimal it is. Assertive: I think that is a good thought but I do believe I deserve more credit of time than that since I am a valued customer and always pay my bill on time and in full. Vignette 3 Directly Aggressive: Why must you and dad continue to pressure me about what you would like me to do in my life instead of allowing me to make my own choices like a grown man should? Indirectly Aggressive: I do think that you and Dad should value my opinion more and allow for more room to hear my own thoughts on the subject of what I want and need. Passive: Okay mom, I think that what you and dad are saying is for the best and I agree that I should follow in the family’s tradition. Assertive: I want to follow through with my own plan and I have some very strong ideas of where I see my future three years from now which I would very much like for you and dad to respect and accept. My own Vignette Shirley’s parents do not agree with the fact that she married a black man and has had children by him. They believe that ultimately he will destroy her life since she is not able to have a job of her own and lives solely on what her husband brings into the household. They are telling her to get a divorce and seek other ways to have a better life without her husband. Directly Aggressive: Mom and Dad, I believe I know what I am doing in my life and don’t need you guys telling me how I should live when I am a grown and competent young woman and mother. Indirectly Aggressive: Mom and Dad, I do believe I am smart because you guys taught me great skills growing up so I think my judgments will be correct and my life will be fine if I choose to stay with my husband. Passive: Mom and Dad, I’m going to see what my lawyer says based on what you’re telling me and I agree that I should find another means to my survival without having my husband in my life. Assertive: Mom and Dad I appreciate your feelings and your advice but I am smart and I do believe that the decisions me and my husband make together are best for our family and we will be fine for the future. Read More