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Advice Paper - Essay Example

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Thank you for your letter regarding your infidelity and your boyfriend's reaction to it. I will try to answer your questions as thoroughly and thoughtfully as possible. Please do not feel guilty or ashamed by your infidelity. It happened, it is out in the open, you have admitted responsibility, and you are truly sorry for your lapse in judgment…
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Download file to see previous pages Do not leave anything out of the story. From your letter it sounds as if the whole thing was just a product of old memories surfacing. Explain this to Josh and let him know that you still want to be with him, not anybody else. Most importantly do no ever conceal anything from him again. His trust in you is already shaky; you do not want to damage it anymore, either by your actions or inactions. I understand it will be hard for you and Josh to discuss your affair but it needs to be done if you hope to save your relationship at all.
Infidelity in relationships has been happening as long as men and women have been involved in committed relationships. According to Metts, Roscoe, Cavanaugh, and Kennedy, and Jones and Burdette two of the main types of betrayal are: infidelity, physical and emotional, and lying. Sexual infidelity comprises not only the act of sexual intercourse itself but also making out with someone else. Hansen reported that 70.9% of men and 57.4% of women admitted to some type of sexual activity with someone other than their partner. Gordon, Baucom, and Snyder stated that "infidelity is an interpersonally traumatic event for the couple and can be disruptive to their ability to function and interact with each other". Reactions to infidelity are varied depending on the seriousness of the infidelity as perceived by the injured partner. Buunk proposes three ways the injured partner will react to an affair. The first is angry retreat. The injured partner pulls away emotionally and physically, they seek revenge, or they end the relationship. The second way is accommodation. In this way the injured partner express loyalty, understanding, and forgiveness towards the offending partner. The final way is an assertive response. The injured partner tries to protect themselves and will voice their feelings and concerns.
Repairing the relationship will not be an easy task. After such a major relational transgression as infidelity the injured partner will need time to work through their emotions. The previous commitment level will influence the outcome along with whether the injured partner is male or female. Men are more likely to be less inclined to forgiveness than women . At this point in the relationship the partners have a decision to make. Will they stay together or will they break-up In order to even try to repair the relationship the offending partner must prove than s/he is sorry and admit responsibility for the affair. The injured partner needs to feel empathy for the other partner in order for them to understand the relationship and head towards forgiveness. Guerrero, Andersen, & Afifi inform us that "forgiveness is a complicated process" and that "forgiving and forgetting are two different things". In a study done by Shackelford, Buss, and Bennet, consisting of 256 subjects, 61.9% of men reported that sexual intercourse upset them more, 65.1% of men found sexual infidelity harder to forgive, and 54.8% of men would end a relationship because of sexual infidelity. In another study conducted by Shackelford, LeBlanc, and Drass it was found that even the suspicion of an affair would produce jealously. Jealously can be a relational transgression itself or a side effect of another transgression. The most common signs are questioning a partner obsessively, wanting to be closer to the other partner, and needing to ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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