Independence vs. Commintment (Men and Women) - Essay Example

Men and women really have varied responses and reactions towards certain aspects of relationship. Like for example on the issue of independence and commitment. It has become a common notion that men, in general, fear commitment because they are always seeking for independence. Most women, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. They are always ready for commitment. They value independence but given a choice, they would always prefer to be committed to somebody they truly love. However, this common notion of men and women does not mean that women are more ready to be in a relationship than men are.

There are a number of researches showing that this is not really the case. In fact, these researches show that there is no difference between the predisposition of men and women to be committed. Most men just like the most ordinary women, desire to be in a healthy, happy relationship. However, the difference is in the fact that men face various societal and legal barriers, and/or penalties that women do not. These barriers are the key reasons why most men tend avoid commitments first (Rudov, 2004).

They are still fixing up these barriers so that when they feel ready to commit themselves, possible problems are already eliminated. Rudov (2004) has categorized the evolution of man's readiness to commit in a relationship. The picture below shows the factors men take into consideration prior to entering into a higher level of relationship. In the picture above, it can be seen that the "bachelors" doesn't get involved with women to avoid dealing with different sets of friends, extended families and other community members who are the usual members of the women's circle.

Meanwhile, men in the committed/unmarried category experiences all levels of the stack. He is either seeing his woman all of the time from a separate residence or is already living with her. This level of relationship contract is a continuously evolving. There are mutually created set of rules for steering the details of everyday life-sex, money, socializing, friends, household chores, religious practices, schedules, family issues, etc. It endures only as long as the romantic relationship lasts.

On the other hand, in the committed/married category, the man, once again, experiences all levels of the stack, but is attached with a marriage license and a wedding ceremony. These are actually the factors that men always consider before taking the big leap of committing themselves in a relationship. They would always want to ensure that they are ready to face or accept such aspects that is always attached with their women or with have involved in a commitment. This is also the very reason why they would always want to be independent at first.

As for the women, they encounter a different evolutionary perspective why they tend to be more on a commitment than to be an independent. This evolutionary perspective includes: selectivity, generosity, resources and social status. Most women are psychologically interested in knowing what the men can provide even after sexual encounter. In this selectivity perspective, food and shelter are of utmost important. In terms of generosity, women always consider a man who will always be willing to devote his time, energy and resources to the relationship - for the woman or for their offspring.

Meanwhile, resources is also an important aspect in women's evolutionary perspective (Buss, 1994).. It has been a known fact that women gives high importance to men who are financially capable because a man who has good financial standing means that he is capable of supporting the needs of any woman and eventually of the family that they would create. Social status also plays a significant role in women's evolutionary perspective of becoming more ready for commitment than most men do. From the course of time, men who are in the higher level of hierarchy acquire the easiest access to most women (Sheets, 2001).

Indeed, men and women's perception with regards to independence and commitment greatly differs. Men tend to settle their own personal issues first prior to getting married or committing themselves, that is why they are commonly perceive to be scared of commitment. Women, on the other hand, are always on the look for the best possible male for commitment because they tend to ensure that their perspective for a healthy and happy relationship will be met. This is the very reason why most women are always perceived as to be commitment-oriented individuals.

Works Cited:Buss, David M. (1994). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. New York: Basic Books. Rudov, Marc. (2004). The Man's No-Nonsense Guide To Women: How To Succeed In Romance On Planet Earth . MHR Enterprises. ISBN: 0974501719 Sheets, Virgil. Wolfe. (2001) Marlow. "Sexual Jealousy in Heterosexuals, Lesbians, and Gays." Sex Roles, Vol. 44.