Causes and Effects of Long-Distance Relationships - Essay Example

Introduction Long distance relationships may be defined as romantic or intimate relationships that take place between two people who do not live within the same location. They normally have to move for long distances before they can reach each other. The occurrence of long distance relationships have increased over time due to advances in technology. Individuals are spending more time over the internet and meeting more people from other parts of the world through systems such an online dating. Besides, the internet also helps in keeping long distance relationships alive because one is accessible at the touch of a button. These days, there are video conferencing capabilities, cell phones, chats and even letters or text messages that aid in keeping long destine relationships in motion. However, they do have their challenges and these shall be seen below. (Voost, 2007) Literature review Long distance relationships have numerous complications. The validity of this statement will be examined in the research conducted below. Numerous scholars have examined the reasons long distance relationships or the causative factors. This forms a vital discussion in most long distance relationship debates. Causes and effects of long distance relationships Some People decide to choose partners located in a totally different part of the world because they feel that one should not restrict their sample space to their own country. Such people feel that life long partners are hard to find and that it takes a lot of exploration before one can finally find the 'man or woman of their dreams'. Consequently, individuals should examine all the possibilities out there, even if it means surpassing certain geographical boundaries to find that special someone. Persons may choose long distance relationships because they want to focus on the emotional aspect of a relationship rather than the physical. Adherents to this principle believe that long distance relationships do not provide individuals with the choice of having physical intimacy so in order to keep the relationship alive; partners need to connect on a deeper emotional level than they would if they were in proximal relationships. Consequently, partners are required to look for other attractive aspects within their partners other than the physical. Adherents to this belief continue to add that most of the reasons why proximal relationships fail are that partners may be too distracted by physical intimacies that they fail to relate emotionally. The corporate world is becoming increasingly demanding. Most people these days have very little time left for themselves. This means that they have to deny themselves social lives. But because having a partner is important for any person's needs. Then such people end up looking for a long distance partner. They feel that proximal or conventional relationships require too much input in terms of time and they feel that this will prevent them from concentrating on their work. Such people do not feel the need to keep seeing someone on daily basis as this interferes with their daily routine. (Guldner, 2007) Psychologists say that some people have the inability to remain alone. Such people are the victims of a change in circumstance. For example, when one partner receives a job posting in another continent and the other partner chooses to stay in his home country, then the relationship gets transformed from a proximal to along distance one. But because certain individuals may have the fear of looking for another partner or they may have great attachments, then they may decide to maintain a long distance relationship. On the other hand, others are deeply loyal and even if their partners have made the choice to live miles away, they still feel obliged to stay with them through initiating a long distance relationship. Other analysts -who are rather skeptical- say that some individuals choose long distance relationships to hide certain physical defects. They feel that if a person gets the chance of knowing their personality first before seeing their physical side, then there will be greater chances of having a relationship. (Cross, 2008) Some of the effects of long distance relationships cited in literature include; Long distance relationships create higher chances of loneliness and boredom. This is because the other partner is apart and no amount of communication, even if they call each other for hours a day, will compensate the physical moments that partners can spend together. Long distance relationships may create higher levels of self control. This is because partners rarely engage physically and their sexual needs are not satisfied on a regular basis. Such persons have to exercise maximum restraint and end up developing high levels of self control. The flipside to this is that they may lack restraint and may choose to relieve their sexual needs with complete strangers. Long distance relationships lead to high levels of trust. This applies to those relationships that work out in the end. This is because partners cannot monitor each other and check on what the other is doing regularly, consequently there is a need for them to avoid feelings of insecurity and to maintain high levels of trust between each other. This is a virtue that grows as individuals continue in their relationships. Methodology The research was conducted through the use of secondary sources. The reason why this was chosen is because there is a lot of work that has been done in this area and it would be more convenient to collect all the information and analyze it to answer some of the research questions. Secondary sources are reliable because it is quite easy to integrate information collected from different sample space. Concentrating on one sample space, as is the case in primary sources, could lead to biased or narrow views. The research objectives were as follows; to find out why long distance relationships are difficult to maintain to identify the problems in long distance relationships to investigate the major reasons why people break up Discussion Why long distance relationship are difficult to maintain The research indicated that the reason why most relationships are difficult to maintain could be because of the numerous challenges presented to the two partners. First of all, partners may be located in different time zones. Consequently, when one partner is awake, the other may be asleep. This means that they have to change their schedules just so that they can be able to reach each other. This poses a lot of difficulties for each of them. (BBC, 2007) Long distance relationships are also difficult to maintain because it is very difficult to know some personal aspects about someone. Some people will need to see and perceive tangible elements in order to believe that they are really having a relationship. Consequently, long distance relationships prove to be hard to maintain when such individuals choose to pursue them. Others may have problems maintaining long distance relationships when they have never done it before or when they are not used to long periods of absence from their partners or even their family members. Certain individuals who may have been brought up in single parent homes or those who had parents working in other countries may be used to the idea of a long distance relationship. The flip side to this argument is that some people may have had close relatives or spouse who left their geographical location vowing to come back but they never did. Such people may feel that their partners will do the same to them and may find it very difficult to stay in long distance relationships. However, some people have been surrounded by others all their lives. They are used to physical contacts and communication and this may be the reason why they wil experience problems when trying to maintain a long distance relationship. Problems experienced in long distance relationships Some couples may have difficulties laying out the ground rules before the relationship starts. Couples who do not know each others' expectations at the start of the relationship will experience problems. For example, sometimes a relationship may become very deep and one partner would like the other to move to their geographical location. The other partner may not be willing to do this and problems may arise later on. Communication is the biggest problem in this type of relationship. This is because some partners may not spare the time to do it. They may get so caught up by other challenges they are facing in their geographical location and may put their partner on the periphery. This can bring about feelings of loneliness, depression and other psychological stresses. The cost aspect is an issue that can be dealt with. Emails are a convenient and cheap way to send information to a certain partner or spouse. On top of this, text messages are also an easy way to cut down on calling services. Since these methods are easily available for most people, then it should be possible to make those contcts. Hopwever, emails do not have the ability to replace verbal communication. Besides, real time correspondence may be vey difficult because one spouse may access their email at one time and one at the other time. (Voost, 2007) Another reason why long distance relationships are so difficult to maintain is the fcat that partners may develop their individuality and may get too accustomed to it. Since partners are normally away from each other for long durations of time, partners may get accustomed to doing things on their own way and when they are required to compromise, it may become difficult for them to do so. Long distance relationships require creative solutions yet creativity is not an element that is common to everyone. Some people may not know what they should or should not share with their long distance partners. They consequently, end up having very little to talk about or do with their partner across the phone or internet line. The main reasons why people break up Lack of trust is the main reason why long distance relationships do not work. This is because there is no room to check or on be with someone. Paranoia may set in as others may decide that their partners are engaging in something terrible. Such people normally imagine that their partner has found a replacement for them and are simply using them as a by the way. This brings about many problems to the union and if left unchecked can cause the end of the relationship. For example, some couples may have persistence calling times. This means that when one spouse fails to call twice, then they start panicking. They may think that their partner was involved in an accident or that there is something really wrong with them. This is the point when partners should set their communication limits. When couples do not clearly state their communication expectations and when they don't try to stick to them, they wil get into trouble. Some partners may have greater communication needs. These partners normally want to talk to each other on a daily basis while their spouse may not feel the same way. Consequently, one party is too demanding while the other may not be doing enough. These communication disparities might terminate the relationship. (Pearson, 2008) Most people lack the ability to do without physical contact. No matter how many times a person gets phone calls, it is difficult to substitute the deep feelings that a hug or physical contacts can generate. This is the reason why most people end up having greater emotional strain. It requires a lot of tolerance and this is the point where, many people fail. They lack that virtue and end up going to the wayside. Other individuals heavily rely on their partners to get by. They usually need to spend moot of their time with their partner. When such partners enter long distance relationships, they may have difficulties trying to find activities that will occupy their time. Consequently, boredom sets in. this may lead to feelings of frustration and inadequacy afterwards; there may be greater conflicts between those individuals. It would be more helpful if such partners looked for ways to fill their empty schedules. They could pick up a hobby or spend more time with their friends. Those people who fail to do this will be well on their way to failure in their relationships. (Coleman, 2008) Long distance relationships also become tricky when partners are experiencing some sort of financial constraints. This is because sometimes partners will need great amounts of finances just to visit their partners. This is especially relevant when the partners are located in distant continents. Financial problems can put a strain on the relationship when one of the partners fails to chip in. In some relationships, it might be possible to find that only one of the partners may make phone calls while the other only receives them. On the other hand, when they decide to meet, only one partner caters for the bill. Couples that place all the costs on one individual may have numerous problems in the future since this may exert too much pressure on the main spender. Again, communication is very relevant in this sphere. Couples need to make their views known about financial expenditures; this and will go a long way in ironing out misunderstandings. Those who fail to do this end up breaking up. Another reason that causes long distance relationship break ups is the issue of reality. Sometimes talking to someone for long periods of time on the phone may not necessarily depict all the there is to know about a specific person. Because individuals are not really in contact with each other, it may be difficult to merge the imaginations one had created within their minds with the harsh physical reality. It may be very difficult to make the most of a weekend get away. Some people expect too much from the short periods of time that they are supposed to meet with each other. Consequently, some of those heavy expectations that one or all of the partners in the relationship had may be severely disapproved. This will eventually lead to frustration, heartbreak and pain. (Guldner, 2007) When partners come from different parts of the world, there may be some culture shock. When the long distance relationship becomes very serious to the point of seeing each other physically or moving to other partner's location, there may be difficulties in the practical things in life for example, foods, languages and other social elements. Couples who do not warn each other about this may have difficulties when trying to live together. Other partners who lack the ability to be flexible may have difficulties when going about this. Culture shocks may be disastrous to the relationship especially when couples have to interact with other people from the outside world. Also, when a long distance relationship culminates into movement back home, there may be some difficulties in the immigration laws and this may bring about certain problems in the union. If they are not tackled effectively, a couple may not move in together, become frustrated and eventually break up. Conclusion Long distance relationships are having become common due to technological advances in communication. They are difficult to maintain because of geographically disparities. The main problems in long distance relationships are; the lack of trust and communication. If these two problems are not addressed adequately, then couples may break up. Reference: Coleman, T. (2008): Long distance relationships; Journal for LCSW Guldner, G. (2007): Solutions for Separated Couples; a report for the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships; October 111th 2007 report Guldner, G. (2005): Long distance relationships: The complete guide; JF Milne Publications Voost, G. (2007): Hints for long distance relationships; retrieved from http://www.etoile.co.uk/Love/ accessed on 20th April 2008 Pearson, l. (2008): Surviving a long distance relationship; retrieved from http://www.aish.com/search/article_search_results.asparticle_author=Liba+Pearson&title_text=&date_amount=&date_option=year accessed on 20th April 2008 BBC (2007): Long distance relationships; retrieved from http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/life_longdistance.shtml accessed on 20th April 2008 Cross, A. (2008): Long Distance relationships; retrieved from http://www.askmen.com/ accessed on 20th April 2008 Read More