Screenplay on the Graveyard - Essay Example

THE SCREENPLAY EXT. GREEN-WOOD CEMETERY – NIGHT Midnight. One of the graveyard alleys lit by the moon. Five men are walking towards a new-made burialplot at a brisk pace, one of them carrying a camera, and another carrying a camera stand. LI, the youngest of the party, an Asian man looking 25-27 years old, is dressed in creepy black hooded garment – an improvised outfit of a grade-B horror movie murderer. He carries a backpack and a shovel. A bold man of about 40 years old, HARRY, talks to others in a low voice. LI (whispering) Harry, why the hell haven’t I seen the screenplay yet? That’s kinda’ lousy place, let’s shoot this damn scene quickly and get out of here. The party approaches a new-made grave without a tombstone. HARRY That’s here. The crew starts preparing for the shooting process. HARRY, the director, catches LI’s interrogative look. HARRY (pointing to the grave) Ok, now take the shovel and dig right there. LI (shell shocked) WHAT? Man, are you serious? Right here? Is it legal, for god’s sake?! HARRY Ha! Do you think it was legal when Cameron sent the entire ship packed with people to the bottom for that Titanic super-movie? That’s worth the price. LI But that was a film set, they didn’t drown for real. I don’t want to do that! I think THAT is the bottom. HARRY (raising his voice and flourishing his arms about) Why the deuce are you shooting off your mouth?! You are expected to dig, not to think. (addressing the whole filming crew) If all the Chinese jibber-jabbered that much all the time, China would lose millions in copycat smartphones production. (addressing LI again, grinning) HARRY (CONT’D) Imagine you’re digging a tunnel towards fame. LI curves his mouth in a disgruntled pout, takes the shovel and starts digging. Focus shifts to the director, who comes up to the cameraman and addresses him, pointing to the grave with his eyes. HARRY (in an airy-fairy manner) Huh… Mrs. Nutter. What a woman she was, you know. She was 84, used to work at school for many years. Well, she worked my nerves for those 20 years she dwelled next door. (lifting his eyes to the sky almost musefully) HARRY (CONT’D) I was already thinking that Death was afraid of breaking the scythe against her adamant stickumed shignon. HARRY turns to the grave, meanwhile, there’s only LI’s head that can be seen in the pit. LI keeps on digging. LI (digging) Is it enough? The shovel WHANGS the wooden lid of the coffin. HARRY Good job, lad. Now you’ll open it. LI (boiling over) Are you crazy? I’m not gonna do that! No way! There’s a dead woman over there! HARRY (taking a crow-bar out of the backpack; in a calm tone) Look, I’ve seen her in the morning. She looked more alive than many of her bridge amies. You want to earn 400 dollars, don’t you? Just one short scene. HARRY passes the crow-bar to LI. A minute later loud wood CRUNCH is heard out of the grave. All the shooting team members leant over the grave. HARRY Dick, give some light over here. DICK, the assistant, shines the flashlight directly into the pit. HARRY (CONT’D) (admiringly, addressing the deceased old lady) You’re gorgeous, when you hold peace… and tongue. Suddenly, the old lady opens her eyes. Everyone yells from fright. All the men, except LI, take their stuff and run away, LI stays, left in the grave. LI (shouts at the top of his lungs) He-e-e-e-ey! WHAT THE HELL? Help me out of here! INT. MRS. NUTTER’S APARTMENT – THREE HOURS LATER A typical neat apartment of an old lady with pink frilled curtains and a hundred flowerpots. In the living room, LI sits at the laid table. The old lady dressed in a fuchsia plush robe pours tea into his cup. MRS. NUTTERS What a pickle! After all these years of prompt and diligent taxpaying, medicine played such a dirty trick on me. But God has taken thought of me better than all those mean bastards in white coats and send you, sonny, to save me. I’m not going to turn you to cops, but you must promise not to wade into those dirty waters anymore. LI (sipping tea) I needed money really, really badly. I want to be an actor… I didn’t know this wretched movie was about doing something illegal. I’m so sorry, Mrs. Nutter. MRS. NUTTER (in a condescending manner) Oh, don’t sweat the small stuff! By the way, my son Steven could help you, I’ll talk to him. He has leverage in that Hollywood society. And remember, don’t ever mess with chancers like Harry. Enough miraculous resurrections for you. INT. A CHINESE RESTAURANT A budget restaurant of Chinese cuisine. Lunch time. Here and there, clients entertain themselves with conversation while waiting for orders. LI sits at the table, gorging noodle and talking on the phone at the same time. LI (chewing on) Yeah, mom, Mrs. Nutter has turned to be a jewel of a woman! Helped me a lot with the job… Yeah, I know, it’s just a stand-in job for now, but it will give an opportunity to make acquaintances and move forward in cinema business, you know. Meanwhile, a middle-aged waitress comes to the near-by table and start discussing something with the client, a young woman of no more than thirty, dressed in elegant neat clothes and displaying gracious manners. The woman is rummaging in her bag, obviously, trying to find something, yet failing. The conversation is starting to turn to caps lock voices. WAITRESS (vehemently, as though she is addressing all the clients of the restaurant) If you plunge into your handbag even an inch deeper, I’ll start thinking you’re trying to dig a tunnel to some kind of Wonderland, where nobody makes selfies and pays for lunch. WOMAN (looking at the waitress with surprise and indignation) I think your boss wouldn’t appreciate the way you are talking to me. Haven’t you learn to be polite at school? WAITRESS (waving with the bill in front of the client’s face) I don’t know, I used to miss classes quite often. All of them, except math and sarcasm course! LI hears the quarrel, gets up and wends his way to the near-by table. LI Ladies, I see you’ve got a problem, haven’t you? Can I help? WAITRESS Yeah, sure, help yourself. As far as I see, we are wining and dining everyone for free today. Didn’t you know our president invalidated money? And this lady is the first one to be aware. The WOMAN looks extremely embarrassed and confused, she looks at LI and it seems that she is about to burst into tears. WOMAN (addressing LI) I must have forgotten my purse today. That is super awkward! LI (to the WAITRESS) How much is it? Let me pay the bill. The WAITRESS shows him the bill, pouting. LI opens his purse, takes the last two notes out of it and gives them to the WAITRESS. LI Here, take it. You may keep the change – buy yourself a bubble wrap roll. And, please, when you yell at somebody for the next time, don’t open your mouth that wide – I’m afraid you’ll devour the Earth like a black hole. The WAITRESS is shocked and at a loss for words, she takes money from LI. LI and the WOMAN turn their steps to the exit. WOMAN (with the smile full of gratitude and embarrassment) You’ve done me a great favor. Thank you very much indeed! Could you at least introduce yourself, please? By the way, my name’s Caroline. EXT. FILMING LOCATION – NOON The filming set in front of an old two-story building somewhere in New York. Numerous extra players wander around the set, an assistant director runs rampant among them, giving instructions. The DIRECTOR sits in his chair, trying to control the process and yelling every now and then. The atmosphere of commotion. DIRECTOR Stand-in? Where is the stand-in?! Why don’t I see him near the window yet?! INT. THE ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR The room is almost free of furniture with only a little table standing near the entrance. A French window is wide open. LI stands near it and listens to a plump black woman – obviously, an assistant - who’s looking through the papers in her hands and shows him something. LI (with almost trembling voice) I’m completely on pins and needles, that is my first part in a serious movie. Moreover, it is dangerous! I have the jitters. ASSISTANT (expressively waving her hands, gesticulating) Yo, pal, save these words for Oscar ceremony or something of the kind, you just have to fall and be filmed. You should be thankful that we’ve hired you for this part, ‘cause we could’ve got by with a sack of potatoes. LI Yeah. Sorry, I’m just nervous, you know. I need to compose myself. ASSISTANT (with an ironical snortle) You’d better do that quicker. And don’t miss the safety net, otherwise you’ll decompose a little while. LI OK, let’s refresh the screenplay once more, how is it gonna’ happen? ASSISTANT Gosh, where am I, in the filming set of Dumb & Dumber sequel? Look: we have already done a close-up with Paul and Henry, where the antagonist is pushed out of the window. All you are to do is to surrender to gravitation. Savvy? (peering out of the window and addressing the DIRECTOR) ASSISTANT (CONT’D) Martin, he’s ready! (addressing a man standing in the opposite part of the room) ASSISTANT (CONT’D) Make sure this young hopeful makes his first step towards career take-off. The two are laughing, the woman leaves. EXT. AGAIN, THE FILMING LOCATION The first take is being filmed, LI falls out of the window onto the safety net. The DIRECTOR scoots from his chair and yells. DIRECTOR That’s no bloody good! He falls worse than Kristen Stewart acts in Twilight saga! Another take! A half an hour passes in making another three takes, the DIRECTOR is still displeased. DIRECTOR That is completely terrible! I really don’t know what can be lousier that this, Kim Kardashian’s bud in in leopard print leggings? INT. THE ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR LI stands by the table finishing his coffee, a young woman – CAROLINE from the restaurant – comes to the table to get a cup of water. She doesn’t notice him. LI looks up and sees her. LI (smiling) Caroline? We have already met at the Chinese restaurant, haven’t we? CAROLINE (raising her eyebrows in astonishment) Ah, Li, that’s you! Of course, I remember you! Thanks again for doing me a favor in that restaurant. (smiles charmingly) LI (starting to flirt, winks at her playfully) Oh, it was a pleasure. CAROLINE Hmmm… What brings you here today? LI (with a grand air, pointing to the window) Huh, that’s small stuff, we’ve filmed a scene, and now my stand-in is to fall out of the window properly. I could’ve done it myself, but the director doesn’t want to risk the health of the antagonist, when the whole movie is at stake, you know. CAROLINE and LI slowly walk to the window, the girl is smiling. CAROLINE That’s very interesting. LI (with an air again) Oh, nothing special about that. Just my job. The next scene will be more interesting. Tomorrow we are filming the kiss with the leading actress. (leans on the esconson scenically) LI (CONT’D) And what are you doing here? CAROLINE (curving her lips in an ear-to-ear smile) Well… I’m trying to understand, why I haven’t been informed that they decided to replace my partner in that scene… Don’t you want to tell me at dinner? LI is staggered, his hand slips off the window esconson and he falls out. EXT. THE FILMING LOCATION AGAIN LI lies on the safety net, CAROLINE peers out of the window and makes sure that the man is alright. CAROLINE (ironically) Are you all right? LI (lifting his head and facepalming) Just forget everything I’ve talked about. CAROLINE giggles coquettishly. The DIRECTOR runs up to the safety net and points to LI. DIRECTOR Now THAT is what I call a good fall! You’ve fallen like a real star, pal! And now just do it once more, so that we can film it. EXT. A STREET SOMWHERE IN MANHATTAN, SEVERAL HOURS LATER The street is lit by streetlights, it is past midnight. LI and CAROLINE tread their way along the sidewalk. It can be easily noticed that she is rather glassy-eyed. LI is also a little liquored up, but he can control himself. He supports the girl, keeping her from fall, and walks her to the hotel. She’s telling something. CAROLINE … And then I told him: “JAMES, but there was plenty of space on that bloody door! Why did Jack have to die? Why didn’t Rose die then, too?!“ She stumbles and LI keeps her from falling. CAROLINE (CONT’D) Oh, hell! I’ve almost fallen. I shouldn’t have drunk that last whiskey on rocks. LI (laughs and walks her, girdling her waist) Hah, indeed, it rocks you! Suddenly, a paparazzi emerges from behind the tree, makes a few shots with a flashlight and disappears round the corner. Li does a bolt for him. LI (angrily) Hey, you, bastard! He realizes that CAROLINE is experiencing some gravitational difficulties and turns back to catch her up. CAROLINE (in a drunken-serious manner) And now, walk me to the hotel, I’ll need to sleep well: tomorrow I’ll be brawling with a tabloid that will publish that stuff. INT. LI’S APARTMENT IN BROOKLYN – 9 A.M. A typical bachelor’s flat, a TV is on in the living room. LI walks out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee and heads to the laptop. He peers into internet. LI (striking the table) Bloody hell! Theyve even posted it on Twitter! He comes to the TV and turns the channel. Show business news program is showing their photos. The emcee is talking. EMCEE What is that, a fling or beginning of a passionate and romantic love affair? LI switches the channel again. Again their faces. EMCEE 2 … Who is that mysterious man, hugging Caroline’s waist so tenderly? Li takes a paper with the phone number of the pocket of his pants, takes the phone and calls CAROLINE. CAROLINE Hello? LI Good Morning. Have you seen that already? I’m sure there’s only one channel where they aren’t broadcasting this stupid news. And that’s National Geographic. CAROLINE Hah! Nothing unusual! Last time they’ve caught me with Chris Hemsworth on one of the parties, we were broadcast there, too. (laughing) CAROLINE (CONT’D) I think a little press conference can solve the problem. INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE HALL A spacious room with picture windows. CAROLINE and LI sit at the table in front of the journalists. The room is packed by the press. A female reporter gets up in the first row, holding a notebook and a pen in her hands. FEMALE REPORTER 1 … LI, could you, please, tell, when did you meet Ms. Channing? LI We first met two weeks ago. FEMALE REPORTER 1 How did it happen? LI gives an interrogative glance to CAROLINE, giving her an opportunity to answer. CAROLINE He has saved me, when I was … (pause) … attacked by a snapper. (giggles and gives LI a meaningful look) Another female reporter rises and asks her question. FEMALE REPORTER 2 LI, could you, please, tell us, what do you do in life? LI I’m an actor, too. FEMALE REPORTER 2 And what was your recent work in cinema? Here, the narration shifts to the moment in the cemetery for several seconds: Li is digging a grave in a ridiculous outfit. A flashback. LI (having thought for a few seconds) Hmmm… I would say, a sack of potatoes. Everyone in the room LAUGHS. A male reporter asks another question. MALE REPORTER So, could it be said that you career wasn’t going well enough before you met Ms. Channing? LI To be honest, I used to go down every time before I met her. I have hmmm… exhumed my talent only recently. (smiles) FEMALE REPORTER 1 And finally, can you clarify your relationships? Is that just a fling? CAROLINE (giggling and flourishing her arms) How do you think, which answer will bring bigger box-office success to our new movie? Everybody laughs, LI and CAROLINE exchange glances full of suggestions. THE END Read More