Letter of Advice in Regard to Interpersonal Communication - Research Paper Example

 Letter of Advice Dear Mr. Jones. & Ms. James, Thank you for your letter on November 28, 2011, in which, you conveyed your need for my advice on interpersonal communication in your relationship, considering I am taking an interpersonal communication class. Congratulations, this is quite a step ahead. As newly engaged, it is always vital to seek advice from other people, as the saying goes, every person has something new to learn, and every person has something new to teach. I appreciate the fact that you chose me and, have faith in me even with the knowledge that I am a student. I will help you with some of the ideas I have learnt in class which will assist in your communication. Interpersonal communication and relations: Interpersonal relationship refers to an association between two or more people or parties. This relationship may range from fleeting to enduring. They are social associations, affiliations or connections between two or more people. Interpersonal communication refers to the communication between the groups or the parties involved in the interpersonal relationship, according to Kalbfleish (1993). Interpersonal relationships vary with the degree of intimacy and the level of sharing. Dear smith and Emilia, it is extremely wise of you to seek advice on interpersonal communication in your relationship, as it will help and guide you in your advancing relationship and commitment to each other. Interpersonal relationships are the key to trust and understanding in a relationship (Kory 2009). However, various misconceptions and principles are made about interpersonal relationships, which in turn, hinder effective interpersonal interactions, and it is not always easy to maintain interpersonal communication in relationships. Effective communications assist people to feel better physically, emotionally and psychologically (West & Tuner 2009). Dear Smith and Emilia, in this letter, you will be taken through various steps and stages of interpersonal relationships which will enable you to understand. The principles and misconceptions of interpersonal communication in a relationship will be explained, and the barriers to effective interpersonal communications will be highlighted. The process by which self-concept is developed and maintained will be described, and strategies for managing self conflicts will be put on light. Finally, i will take you through the impacts of gender and culture on interpersonal communications. Smith and Emilia, by looking at the above factors, you will know more regarding interpersonal communication in a relationship, and how you can develop and manage it in your relationship. Interpersonal relations are only maintained by good communication between the parties involved. Principles and misconceptions of interpersonal communications: Dear Emilia and Smith, there are major principles, according to West and Turner (2009), which shape interpersonal communication. They are interpersonal communication is unavoidable, irreversible, rule- governed, symbolic, learned and is both with content and relationship levels. Misconceptions include that too much communication is not good, meanings of communication are not in words, and successful communication does not always require shared understanding. In misconceptions, it is believed that communication does not solve all the problems, and events or people do not cause a person’s reaction. Emilia and Smith, communication is ongoing, transactional and collaborative. Communication does not take place in a vacuum. When communicating, a person can be deliberately vague in order to save another person’s feelings. Excessive communication can be unproductive and in most cases do backfire (Kory 2009). Researchers have found out that communication in a relationship is unavoidable. It is not possible for a person not to communicate. Smith and Emilia, you should understand that communication is extremely vital in your relationship, and it will almost be impossible for the two of you not to communicate. The meaning of this is that, however, much we try we cannot stop someone else to decipher our behavior and make meanings out of it. No matter what poker face we try to make, we still send a message to other people, according to Kory (2009). This quality is what makes interpersonal communication transactional. For example, the two of you are discussing the accounts, and you find out that some money is missing and cannot be accounted for. Emilia you continue talking but Smith is all quiet and is avoiding making direct eye contact. He may also be so shifty. This may suggest deception, and even if smith is not talking he is already sending out a message. According to West and Tuner (2009), non verbal communication is highly communicative. Interpersonal communication is irreversible, (Kalbfleish 1993), in the sense that, if a comment is made about something, it cannot be unsaid or pretend that it had not been spoken. Dear Smith and Emilia, it is wise to weigh one’s words before uttering them. Think about the time you told a parent or your partner something nasty and you wished you could swallow your words. Venting your anger on your spouse because you are angry or upset leads to a lot of regrets and a permanent mark because the irreversibility of your words is apparent, and nothing can be done to undo them. An apology may help, but it cannot undo the situation. Another significant reason why interpersonal communication takes place is because it is symbolic, and the symbols being mutually acceptable and agreed upon by both participants in the process of communication (West &Tuner 2009). Emilia and Smith, it is always advisable to use words and symbols understood by your partner when communicating because this enhances healthy in a relationship. Interpersonal communications are rule governed. For example, do not interrupt someone who is talking is a common rule in communication. Rules are essential ingredients in a relationship because they help structure and guide our interpersonal communication. Rules essentially propose that parties in a relationship often agree about the appropriate ways to interact in their relationship. Bear in mind that rules in a relationship guide on what can or cannot be done. For example, you can choose not to discuss certain issues in public. Interpersonal communication is learned from childhood, and it is a continuous process. It is learnt from television, peer groups or even partners (West &Tuner 2009). Interpersonal communication is a good thing in a relationship although it does not always solve all problems. There is also a dark side of it, whereby people can communicate in manipulative ways, exploitive and emotionally abusive. It is not always rewarding and satisfying. To contrast the dark side, people in relationships should always aim at focusing on the bright side, which is altruistic, and supportive. Interpersonal communication is seen as common sense, but, making use of repertoire of skills is chief in making informed decisions and choices in a relationship. Dear Smith and Emilia, my advice to you for a successful relationship is that you put in mind all the aspects I have explained above, because you will understand interpersonal communication in your relationship. Barriers to effective interpersonal interactions: Emilia and Smith, although interpersonal communication is vital in a relationship, there are various barriers, which hinder, its success. The barriers are any factors that hinder effective communication in a relationship. For example, from Gottman’s (1994) four horsemen on the apocalypse, there are predictors of a marriage that will not last. They are criticism, which is critically damaging to a relationship. Contempt is the most corrosive, and it conveys disgust and disrespect between spouses. It has the kind of scorn that hinders any conciliatory attempt by the other spouse, and it also escalates negativity. Defensiveness is another hindrance to effective communication in a relationship. It becomes a counter attack, though it seems natural. It is ineffective, according to Gottman (1994) because it gives way for one spouse to blame the other for the mistakes done, and inhibits personal responsibility. Stonewalling is incredibly common in couples especially men, where they seem like they do not want to interact or listen. This makes couples more polarized than before. Dear Emilia and Smith, my advice to you is, always face your misunderstandings amicably, accept responsibility and always bear in mind what will be said in such a moment cannot be reversed. The barriers you will face, and how you will handle them determines how your relationship will grow and even in marriage, these are the same problems that you will face. Self concept development: Self- concept is developed basically through a person’s communication with others. Self- concept is the understanding of oneself. This is achieved through social interactions and relationships with others. We form the opinions and understanding about ourselves by observing how others respond to and communicate with us. Self- concept is developed and maintained by how well we communicate with other people. Emilia you can learn more about yourself through your sweetheart, Smith, and vice versa. The significant other, your partner, in a relationship, influence our understanding about each other. The more we become sure of ourselves, the less people are influenced by the criticism of the significant other, though; the influence will never go away completely. Smith, if you continuously criticize Emilia about her cooking, it will have a long life effect. My advice to you is that, instead of criticizing your partner, try and change the undesirable behavior or even train the person, for the success of your relationship (Gottman 1994). Appraisal and positive comments are more adopted and are maintained by a person instead of criticism. Strategies for managing interpersonal relationships: Conflict is a simple fact of life, and it will always be present whenever there are people. The conflict is caused by varying opinions and miscommunication followed by misunderstandings occurs. Cardillo and Associates (2007), in her strategies for managing conflict, argues that differing values, priorities and resistance to change create conflicts in our interpersonal relations. The problem human being’s life is not the conflict, but how to deal with it. Smith and Emilia, conflicts are very common in relationships. In fact, research has show that, conflict is natural, and both happy and unhappy families have conflicts in their relationships, with 81% acknowledging ever having conflicts with their partners. However, you should always handle these conflicts well for your relationship to hold. There are various strategies for managing conflicts as brought out by Cadillo and Associates (2007). The first step is to deal with the conflict. Most people prefer to avoid the situation, and it is never a good solution and usually leads to feelings of guilt and regrets. When ignored, conflict can lead to increased stress, unresolved feelings of hostility, anger and resentment. If you manage your conflicts efficiently, you will physically and emotionally happier and healthy and will have a better relationship (Cahn 1994). Before addressing your partner, consider discussing the conflict with an objective family member or friend. This helps in clarifying issues and needs. Seek advice and feedback in dealing with the situation, but, never rely on the opinion of a third party who may have a hidden agenda. Cahn (1994) argues that talking out a conflict one on one, is in most cases the best method. It gives room for an active exchange of information, and use of body language like eye contact and a smile. E- Mails and letter writing are too impersonal and should be totally dealt away with, as it raises the risks of misunderstandings and miscommunication. Using a mediator when crucial also helps manage conflicts, but the mediator should be a neutral party. Apologies are significant in managing a conflict. Be aware of your own part in creating the conflict, acknowledge it and apologize. Choose your battles by deciding the issues you can accommodate and which ones need to be changed, but I advise you to choose only the vital ones. Dear Emilia and Smith my advice to you is that, always work together to minimize your conflicts, work on your own communication skills, and this will help you manage conflicts in your relationship. According to Cahn (1994), the ability to express one clearly helps one to get a point across. Another conflict management strategy in your relationship is to avoid troublemakers at all costs. They suck and drug a person down. Always get the facts before jumping to conclusions about something you have heard. Kory (2009) says that conflicts cannot be voided but can be reduced and managed. Impacts of gender and culture on interpersonal communication: Gender and culture are factors which affect interpersonal communication negatively, in a relationship. With different cultures, there are different gender stereotypes, which require members of each sex to behave different (Kalbfleish 1995). Ethnocentrism, which is viewing ones culture as being superior, leads to judgment on other cultures and prejudice. Cultural stereotyping and misinterpretation of codes leads to conflicts in a relationship. My advice to you is that you understand your cultural differences, in case you are from different cultures, and come to an agreement on what should be retained or discarded. Gender stereotyping should also be done the same, and you set rules which will govern your agreements in order to avoid conflicts in your relationship. Dear Emilia and Smith, it is my belief that, with the advice given in this letter, you are going to have perfect interpersonal communication in your relationship, if you follow it wisely and effectively. Again I appreciate your faith in me, and do not hesitate to seek more advice in case you require more. Yours sincerely, Insert Signature. Name References Cahn, D. (ed), (1994). Conflict in personal relationships. Hillsdale, New Jersey Hove: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Cardillo and Associates, (2007). Seven strategies for managing conflict. Web. Accessed on December 7, 2011. from: http://www.dcardillo.com/articles/sevenstrategies.html Gottman, J. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail. New York: Simon & Schuster. Kalbfleish, P. & Cody, M. (ed), (1995). Gender, power and communication in human relationships. New Jersey Hove: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Kalbfleish, P. (ed), (1993). Interpersonal communication: evolving interpersonal relationships.Hillsdale, New Jersey Hove: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Kory, F. (2009). Interpersonal Communication: The Whole Story. New York: McGraw-Hill West, R., Turner, L. (2009). Understanding interpersonal communication: making choices in changing times. 2nd Edition. Boston: Lyn Uhl. 20-91. Read More