Marital Conflicts In The Film Once Upon A Time - Essay Example

Marital Conflicts In The Film, Once Upon A Time All marriages contain some conflicts that range from being mild to serious conflicts that may lead to break up. Since marriages are common in the society and since this is one of the most recognized institutions, many scholars have engaged in the study of marital conflicts. Some marriages work while others are explained as being total disasters. However, no marriage is like the other since the nature and the degree of conflicts vary from one marriage to the other. In most cases, people learn about marriages through experiences. However, others who are yet to get married learn about marriage from books and films and plays. In addition to conflicts, communication between spouses is different and yields different results. One of the films that can help one learn about marriages and everything related to this institution is the series, Once Upon a Time, an ABC series that helps us learn about marriage in the traditional and modern setting. A brief analysis of the film shows that it involves the supernatural and the natural. Both of these phenomenons take place in the modern and in the traditional setting. A town called Storybrooke is used for the modern setting of the film while a forest called the enchanted forest and traditional kingdoms are used as the setting for the traditional lifestyle. Apart from the curses, the evil and the good that dominates the series film, one of the most dominant institutions is the marriage institution, which is presented as having a lot of struggles, foes and friends. Those who have an eye or who an interested on marriage institutions can learn a lot from this film that seems to concentrate least on marriages than it does on curses and the supernatural. From the film, one thing is evident; most of the married partners seem to engage in conflicts a lot leading to temporary or permanent disagreement. For example, one of the protagonist couple that goes under the stage name of Prince Charming and Snow White often engages in conflicts both in their traditional lives and in their modern lives. In the traditional setting, marriage struggles are related to small issues on who is going where and who is doing what. For example, Prince Charming, in one of the series is seen hindering his wife to do some crazy things such as deciding to face their enemies. Such minor conflicts end up with both of them reconciling as soon as they started arguing. In the modern setting, the same couple engages in conflicts that take longer to end. Communication becomes an important element in making sure that the two talk to each other and mend their differences. Some of the misunderstanding that comes into light in the modern setting is misunderstanding whereby one of the spouses thinks that the other is in love with someone else. One thing is evident when the two are handling their conflicts in the traditional setting, conflict handling when courting is not the same as settling of conflicts in marriage. This is as Asron Giles said; married couples come up with their own way of handling conflicts, which is different and better than when they were separate but still courting since each individual had his own way of handling conflicts. For example, in the enchanted forest, which is the traditional setting of the film as explained earlier, Snow White seems aggressive in all she does. When she fights with her spouse, she seems intolerant and is ready to leave him any second. She also seems to take matters in her hands when wronged. For example, when she and the husband to be wrong each other, she decides to run away in the forest. This is quite different from her husband to be who in most cases is mild in his handling of conflicts. Before taking an action, he calmly thinks about the issue and then comes up with a solution. In most cases, he approaches the wife to be with a lot of peace and uses loving words to calm her down. However, when they get married, marital conflicts which stem from inside and outside forces are solved together with much calmness and a lot of tranquility. In fact, most of the conflicts are not caused by forces inside them. Instead, forces outside them are what bring conflict among the two couples. Another thing about marriage, which can be learnt from then same film, is that conflict is tied to the cycle of intimacy, which is a natural cycle. Couples are seen to move from an intimacy state whereby one member becomes anxious and fearful leading to conflict and separation. In the film under discussion, this is seen in the modern setting of the same story whereby the protagonist couple is intimate and at the same time engages in conflicts. For example, through her intimacy with Prince Charming, Snow White develops a fear that her husband is not in love with her. This leads to conflicts and separation. By her own, Snow White decides not to talk to her husband and also avoid him whenever she sees him. This often leads to a heavy fight between them whereby it takes time before the two come together. However, both of them though separated are seen having great desire to reestablish their earlier state of intimacy. This forces partners to patch things up; which eventually ends with the re-establishment of the intimacy. This is seen after both Snow and Charming separate in the modern setting. Although they are at times in a fight and none is talking to the other, they are seen having desires to talk to one another. This desire often overwhelms the two to an extent that they forget their mistakes and come back together. Apart from conflicts, Barbara Maxwell argues that behaviors of one spouse in a relationship often elicit similar behavioral responses from the other spouse whether the behavior is positive or negative. For example, in the film, Snow’s behavior is a result of her husband’s positive behavior either in the traditional or the modern setting of their marriage. When the husband loves her, she decides to love him even more and say sweet words to him. Because of the constant positive behaviors among the two individuals, their love seems to grow strong. In addition, the positive behavior among the two helps them in overcoming difficulties both in life and in their marriage. From the same couple, it is possible to learn how conflicts end. In some cases, the conflicts between the two end up with submission. A good example is seen when Snow and Charming are in a conflict in the traditional setting just before their marriage. Charming ends up submitting to Snow’s will. This submission forces Snow to feel loved and also feel sorry for her husband leading to a submission of the two. Conflict may also end up in a stand-off or compromise and this is also evident among the couples in this film. Withdrawal among the couples in the film is also seen. For example, Bell, who is one of the actors together with her weird husband who hold some supernatural power often, engages in a conflict because of bad usage of these powers. When one of the episodes comes to an end, it ends with Bell’s total withdrawal from the marriage since the husband does not change from his own cunning ways. From this marriage, it is easy to learn and study the severity of conflicts. According to Alan Sillars, this severity is greatly determined by the way spouses interpret conflicts. The interaction of spouses is seen as part of sequences of events that are long. This leads to statements like he/she is always like that. This is evident in Bells and her husband’s marriage since she is always complaining about her husband when they fight. She argues that he has always been evil and cunning, which is the cause of most of their misunderstanding. One of the thing that is evident among most couples in the film is the false assumption that spouses share their primary assumption of reality. For example, in their numerous conflicts, it is common to hear her husband saying that she knows that he is right. This is also the case with Snow and Charming’s marriage, which often occurs to Charming as he tries to justify himself in front of his wife. Problem solving in marriages is different from one couple to the other. Some of the couples tend to solve the problem when the negative effect of the situation is out of control. For example, most of Emma’s lovers, who is one of main actors solve the problem with her when it is out of control. For example, some try to solve the problem when she runs away very far back in the city or back in Storybrooke. However, all couples in the entire film should learn from Snow and Charming’s marriage, which is successful because of the way the two solve their conflicts. In most cases, the two are used to apologizing to one another when they have wronged each other. Such statements as, I should not have treated you the way I treated you earlier or I did not mean it and I am sorry tend to dominate their words when apologizing. Sometimes, the two of them cooperate in order to handle disagreements. For example, when disagreements stem from an outside force such as the Evil Queen, both make sure that they know the cause of the disagreement. Sometimes, they listen to one another without judging each other. This is quite common with Charming who rarely judges his wife for whatever she does. For example, when she takes a portion and forgets him, he does not judge her wrongly. Instead, he works hard to make sure that she is back into her senses. Sometimes, Snow’s suggestions seem very much acceptable by Charming especially when the expeditions he is taking are dangerous. This ends up with both of them agreeing on the best strategy to adopt. Sometimes, the forgiving and the patient attitude of Charming keeps the relationship going. It also influences Snow White towards having the same attitude towards her husband and their marriage. From the protagonist couple, one thing is evident, not all marital problems are solvable. Some are embedded in the origin of the two. For example, each of the couple’s families had its own story. Snow White wronged the evil queen while Prince Charming rebelled to the king. Their enemies are always working hard to ensuring that the two are in a conflict. This means that some of the problems that come between them are perpetual and it is not hard to just eliminate them. However, using their understanding of each other and each other’s origin, they are able to tackle problems as they come. They are also able to keep together no matter the situation. Sometimes, dialogue and understanding of the two help them in solving problems as they come. When talking about marriages, John Gottman argues that there are three marital types based on his own classification. One of the marital types is the validating marriages, which are characterized by mutual respect in a midst of disagreement. In this case, couples tend to pick their battles in careful ways. Snows and Charming marriage in the film under study lies in this category just as it had been discussed earlier. The two lovers always tend to value their joined role in the marriage and also value their individual privacy. Apart from validating marriages, other marriages are volatile marriages, which are characterized by little concern or little hearing of each other’s point of view. This is mostly seen in the relationship that exists between the Evil Queen and her lover, which in this case is only one. This is especially so when she is in her evil state whereby she takes little time to listen to others including her lovers. The other type of marriage is the avoidance marriage. This type of marriage is seen with Emma and her baby’s father. After her conflict with her husband a long time ago, Emma has been working hard to make sure that she avoids her husband and that they do not talk at all. This is done in order to minimize the conflict between her and her husband and also to minimize getting hurt in the process. Companionship in this relationship is low. The level of this avoidance is seen when Emma is not ready to tell her husband that they had a child together and where she is not ready to introduce her child to his father. Just as parents have conflicts with one another, so does their children. In the film, kids are the ones seen to start the conflicts. For example, Emma is the one who mostly starts a conflict with her mother. Since she has been through a lot, her parents choose to keep quite when she feels like fighting. This is the same case with Kevin who shares two mothers. In most cases, he is the one who starts conflicts with Emma and Evil Queen both of whom are his mothers. In the same film, mothers are seen as entering more into conflict with their children than their fathers. For example, in Emma’s family, she engages more in conflicts with the mother than the father. In most cases, Emma and her mother fight because of the love that her mother feels towards her and the fact that she cannot stomach the idea of leaving without her daughter now that she has come across her. She keeps forcing Emma to accept her as a mother but Emma keeps rebelling. In most cases, Charming leaves Emma alone and does not meddle in her affairs. He only tries to talk to her when she is in good mood and always retrieves when she does not want to be disturbed. This is the case with Kevin and Emma and his real father. The times that Kevin gets into conflict with the mother are many than the times that he gets into conflicts with his father. As seen earlier, some of the parent-child conflict stems from the mother or the parents and not the child. This is seen in the relationship between Regina, also called the evil queen with her mother. It is Regina’s mother who starts a conflict with her daughter every time she comes near her. She does this by trying to control her life with her own selfish gains. Through her conflicts with her daughter, she becomes very evil and starts killing people because of her bitterness with life. Apart from conflicts between couples and children, the film can also help us in learning about communication in marriages. One thing is certain from this film, families has stages that help in influencing their communication patterns. One thing is clear, autonomy before marriage leads to smoother marriage transitions. This can be observed between Snow and Charming. Before their courting, Snow is presented as a very independent person who knows how to survive by herself. She does this in the enchanted forest although it is very dangerous. She also knows how to make valid decisions and influences others in her decision making. For example, she has a whole family of dwarfs under her control. From the film, it is evident that long courting is important for the survival of the marriage institution. This is the case with Snow and Charming’s marriage. Although their courting is lengthened by their challenges, it helps in sticking together in times of hardships. It also helps them in decreasing separation since both of the two actors understand that sticking together is good for their survival either when married and when not married. Maximum marital success between the two is caused by the ability to hold on even in times of trouble. The two have saying that they will find each other no matter the situation. Therefore, when anything good or bad, natural or supernatural separates them, they always stick to the idea of loving and finding one another. From this marriage between Snow and Charming, one thing is clear, couples that invest their time on communication are better off than couples that do not. This is because communication helps in cementing their marriage as early as in the second year of their marriage. This is observed even when the two have two live in different times. When they change from a traditional to a modern setting, they still feel the bond they had earlier even though none of them remembers the other. Eventually, they end up in each other’s arm meaning that no one can manage to separate a communicating couple. Another thing that can be learned from the two is that newly-wed couples spend much time communicating than couples who have been together for a long time. This is because of the development of an attitude about family that tends to hold the couple together. This is seen especially when the couple become pregnant of their first s child in the traditional life and when they have to work for their marriage in the new life they get at Storybrooke. The birth of children in a marriage can also easily be observed in this film because of the problems surrounding this birth. Some problems are social while others are emotional. For example, when Emma is born, the couple is in a current war with the Evil Queen because of the failures of Snow. The two are also emotionally distressed because of the two problem since they have to do something in order to make sure that the child survives the ordeal. Another couple that has a child amidst an emotional environment is Emma and her husband. Although the two are in love, there are some differences between the two caused by the father’s knowledge about Emma’s past. They end up breaking up, which causes Emma to give out her child without thinking twice. Although they later reconcile with both the father and the child, their reconciliation remains emotional until the death of the father. Through Emma’s relationship with Snow who is the mother, viewers also learn that child-parent conflict is minimized by the time spent between the parents and the child. This is because the child gets to know the mother better than when they are apart. The same thing is also identifiable between Emma and Kevin and also between Regina and her mother. The film also helps in showing us the tasks that parents face. For example, some of the tasks include interacting with the child as a kid and doing the same as an adult. Most of the parents we see in this film did not have time with their children in their child status. However, when given a chance in their adult status, they try their best to interact with them in order to know them better and to form a bond. In conclusion, through the film, Once Upon a Time, it is possible to learn about marital conflicts. For example, it is possible to learn about the sources of conflicts in a marriage and how couples solve them. The film also helps in understanding the different behaviors of couples such as compromise, withdrawal and mutual solving of conflicts among couples. Through the same film, it is possible to study parent child conflict and who among the children or the parents start these conflicts. Read More