Critical Claim Paper-appeal - Essay Example

I want to appeal my grade because I believe that I deserve a 4, not a 2. I met the key requirements of the paper, especially having a clear thesis, sufficient support and transition sentences, and minimal errors in spelling and grammar; however, I agree that I need to work more on transitions and in replacing some awkward words.First, the last sentence in the first paragraph is the thesis, not the sentence before it. I may have confused the instructor when I used the words, “this paper argues.

” Nevertheless, my thesis possesses a clear argument: “This Chanel advertisement suggests that women can only attain power, if they fully submit to the sexual desires of men.” I used irony in my thesis. The ad indicates that women receive power, only after giving it away, by allowing their sexual commodification. Second, I presented enough support for my claim. Each of the topic sentence supports the idea that the ad is about sexual submission, the only way women get power over men. Moreover, I substantiated my supporting points by describing the text and making meaningful connections with my claim.

For example, in the second paragraph, I used the terms “Middle Eastern signs and colors,” and afterwards, I described what I am referring to, such as the golden motifs and symbols that are typical to Middle Eastern design. I applied the notion of Orientalism because of the presence of sexual oppression of women as the “other.” Third, I used enough transition sentences to make my point, while having little grammar or spelling mistakes. The comments did not note any gross mistakes in grammar and spelling.

As for the transition sentences, I used transition signs, such as “furthermore” within paragraphs. Between paragraphs, I should have employed clearer transitions. I aim for my grade to be reconsidered. It is not exceptional enough to get a 5, but I presented an interesting and clear claim about an ad that sexualizes women, where I analyzed it in ways that support my thesis, primarily through depicting symbolic connections.