Eating Disorders Among Society - Essay Example

The paragraph I am revising develops the main idea of my paper; specifically, it is meant to introduce and examine the links that may exist between media images of thinness and beauty and the origins of eating disorders in young women. I plan to use the "Write in the active voice" tip and the somewhat related "Write sentences that have people doing things" tip, because I passed my paper on to an editor who seemed to offer the very same kind of advice. Then, I told him about the website and he looked over the tips.

He said that number fourteen, "Be precise" was also a big part of what he was getting at in the notes he made for my first manuscript. I will revise with all of these tips in mind, making it a point to avoid passive constructions, to break down my paragraph into smaller, more digestable paragraphs, and to use the most accurate language I can find to express my ideas. Following is a section from my first draft:Many of these disorders are created when people are in their teens. It is estimated that 1 out of 250 women have dealt with some kind of eating disorder during the ages of 8-18.

These disorders are thought to be caused by young women trying to fulfill and imposed body image which emphases thinness. According to an article in the Health at Every Size, "Social messages about ideal body types are dictated by the political, social and economic climate of a given time cross-culturally, and within the same culture over-time. The manifestation of these forces is often played out in a personal struggle with the body. A brief look at the fashionable body and its celebrated form over the past century illustrates the changing ideal within the broader context".

My current revision follows:Most eating disorders affect women and first appear before or during the teen years. Researchers estimate that 1 out of 250 women deal with some kind of eating disorder between the ages of eight and eighteen. The most common assumption attributes these disorders to the efforts of young women to fulfill an unrealistic body image imposed by the entertainment media. According to an article in the Health at Every Size (date), "Social messages about ideal body types are dictated by the political, social and economic climate of a given time cross-culturally, and within the same culture over-time.

The manifestation of these forces is often played out in a personal struggle with the body. A brief look at the fashionable body and its celebrated form over the past century illustrates the changing ideal within the broader context"(page number).