Self-Love as a Whole Philosophy - Essay Example

Gender & Sexual Studies Self-love is necessary before we can love someone else. Self-love or loving oneself is definitely a must before one venture out to love another human being or even a pet for that matter. Self-love includes a whole philosophy of being confident of who you are and what you are. It is not a shallow emotion or a feeling one goes through and should not be mixed with self-obsession. There is a clear boundary between the two and that should not be breached. In this modern world, one cannot set out to attain success unless one is sure in his steps. And that can happen only when a person is well aware of who he is and what his capabilities and short comings are. An object of affection need not be perfect to be loved by someone. The same can be applied to a personality. Every human has a set of characteristics setting him apart from the rest of the world. Some of these are favorable in every aspect while others may create havoc for him in his life. But the amalgamation of all these features constitutes a person who is stable. Every human being has been created by the divinity in a way that was perfect for that particular individual. Unless a person believes in this, he cannot be satisfied with whom he is and once his belief in himself strengthens his personality is not complete. A person satisfied with his pros and cons and ready to be malleable about his beliefs if need be is guaranteed to have a healthy mind. For such a person it becomes easy to venture out in life and to fulfill the roles required of him. Only such a calm and mentally healthy person is confident enough deep inside to be able to expand his love to include another human being. Loving one’s own self would include taking care of one’s body, mind and soul. By keeping yourself in a healthy state would ensure a healthy life and opportunities to embrace the life around and to accept people in your life. No one is completely perfect in every sense of word yet a healthy person is one who learns to embrace this fact and accept as a whole what his being constitutes. A person who claims to love others cannot be deemed correct if he is uncomfortable with himself. One cannot expect others to love him unless he loves himself. 2. You always like someone you love. Loving someone definitely goes hand in hand with liking them. Love is an ongoing process that evolves over time. It is not just an instant emotion one goes through but an entire process that takes time. Love is based on a number of qualities and features that vary from person to person but all of which are based fundamentally on “liking” characteristic features of another person. Sternberg (331-345) conducted a study with results that indicate the strong relationship between these two variables. While there may be seen individual differences in this concept of inter relation and inter dependence, the overall belief also indicates towards the link between these two. When one looks at the overall prospective, it becomes evident that the basis of love is rooted upon certain characteristics of an individual that endear him or her to another person. No one can venture out to proclaim their love without first establishing the fact that they like a thing or two about the other human. On the other hand liking someone does not mean that an element of love has to exist. In the life of an individual, relationships exist with a number of other people, some of them constitute the family, others are friends while still others form work acquaintances and strangers with minimum interaction. In this spectrum of people and relationships, there need to be an element of mutual co relation or interest without which a healthy and successful relation ceases to exist. In family, it might appear that one disagrees on matters with other members but deep down the strong bond of love survives merely because there are present certain characteristics that make the others bearable and acceptable to an individual in that setup. In short, no matter what the outward consequences appear to be, liking someone is the part and parcel of the concept of love and without the two going hand in hand, no relationship between two or more individuals can exist with success. 3. Jealousy shows that a loving relationship has depth Depth of a successful relationship is measured by a number of factors but jealousy is not one of them. Jealousy is an emotion that becomes a part of a relationship at a certain point but it does not point towards a healthy relationship. It indicates a flaw in the level of trust and comfort level that exists between two individuals in a relationship. Mullen, Martin (35-43) conducted a study regarding the ways in which people express the outward manifestation of jealousy. Where this study brought in light the various modes of jealousy, it also proved the point that jealousy led to low self-esteem and sense of insecurity in a person regarding him/herself and the partner. A healthy and stoic relationship is formed when there exists an environment of mutual trust and understanding. When a person is constantly terse regarding the fidelity of the other partner, he or she is in a constant state of unrest and remains dubious about the relationship. Jealousy leads a person towards an unstable state and ultimately he feels depressed and experiences negative emotions. Not only does a person’s own health get affected by it but it has adverse effects on the relationship too. There is a difference between concern and jealousy and the two terms should not be confused. Being cautious and concerned about one’s partner is healthy but experiencing negative feelings of jealousy is a completely different story. 4. Secrets are okay to have even in a loving relationship. When venturing out on a new relationship, it is imperative that the concerned people be honest with each other and there should be no ambiguities between them regarding the important matters that have the potential to affect their relation. There is absolutely no place for secrets in a successful and lasting relationship. Derlega, Winstead, Greene (154-161) also mention in their work the qualms of secrets in a romantic or love relationship. While on one hand, they adversely affect the health of a relation, secrets also have the power to subtly demean an individual and lower his self-esteem. When one is burdened by a secret that he thinks he might not be able or should not share with the partner, it lays a constant weight and pressures on him or her from within which affects him adversely. Secrets have the power to keep an individual on the edge of his seat figuratively speaking. A person remains in a constant state of unrest and harbors in him the negative emotions of apprehension and fear. Even if the secret is an innocent one, he may jump to conclusions regarding the revelation of his secret whenever a suspicious or inquisitive question or situation arises. This state of unrest can become painful and ultimately lead to instability in a relationship. The other partner impervious to the thought process going in his mind is prone to jump to conclusions and be curious and agitate dif the situation goes out of hands. While it seems that secrets absolutely need to be guarded by a person and hold a sacred feel to them, at times it becomes to have a confidant with whom one shares even the darkest of secrets. Not only does one feel light this way but it helps strengthen the bond between the two concerned individual. 5. Fulfilling love relationships are possible even without sex. While there are a million examples of relationships without sex, none of them guarantee to attain the level of a “fulfilling” love relationship for a long time. Whether we accept it or not, at some point in any relationship, sexual relation between two individuals engaged in a love relationship becomes imperative. Sex and sexuality have been incorporated in the psychological and physiological needs of an individual by the nature itself. For that matter, it is natural for individuals to harbor sexual feelings towards their partner and expect such a relationship. Be it a marital relationship or not, sex has become an important component for a relationship to last. A number of studies conducted on the success and failure of relationships point toward the inadequacy of sexual relationship or its absence altogether. On the other hand, various examples of successful and loving relationships are brought to light when sexual component is considered. Brody and Preut (371-380) in one such study elucidate the health benefits of sex. In a study conducted on a number of individuals, it was seen that people who engaged in regular vaginal intercourse with their partner enjoy better cardiovascular and general health as compared to those who did not. This further strengthens the importance and vitality of carnal relation between two partners in a love relationship. 6. If you are unfaithful in a love relationship, you have an obligation to tell your partner. It is extremely necessary and vital that a person who commits infidelity in a relationship inform his/her partner him/ herself. At the first place infidelity should not be a consequence if a relation is to last in a healthy and honest manner. But if such an occurrence takes place, it becomes imperative to inform the partner yourself. Infidelity can lead to a number of harmful consequences for the partner with whom it is done. Being cheated one can be extremely devastating for a person’s trust in others. He or she goes through the hazardous feelings of humiliation, distress and depression (Brand, Markey, Mills, and Hodges 101-109). Withdrawal from normal attitude in a romantic relationship can ultimately lead to the death of such a relationship. A major negative in hiding the fact of one’s infidelity from one’s partner is that there is a constant chance the partner may hear of it from a third party. As devastating as the act itself could be, the fact that it was kept hidden from them adds to the feeling of being betrayed and further worsens the scenario. It would be morally incorrect to keep such a thing in dark when one is well aware of the consequences. In short, it is imperative that the two people in a relationship should be completely honest with each other, so much so that the question of infidelity does not arise in the first place. In case such a situation occurs, it should be brought to light by the person themselves and be done as soon as possible as is right morally. References 1. Mark D. White Loving Yourself—How Important Is It? Can You Love Someone Else If You Dont Love Yourself? 29th April 2010. Web. 2nd December 2012 2. Sternberg, Robert J (331-345) Liking Versus Loving: A Comparative Evaluation Of Theories. Psychological Bulletin, November 1987. Web. 2nd December 2012 3. P E Mullen, J Martin (35-43) Jealousy: a community study. The British Journal of Psychiatry (1994)164.Web. 2nd December 2012 4. V.J. Derlega, B.A. Winstead, K. Greene (154-161) Self-Disclosure and Starting a Close Relationship .Web. 2nd December 2012 5. S.Brody, R. Preut (371-380) Vaginal Intercourse Frequency and Heart Rate Variability Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy Volume 29, Issue 5. 19 January 2011.Web. 2nd December 2012 6. Rebecca J. Brand, Charlotte M. Markey, Ana Mills, Sara D. Hodges (101-109) Sex Differences in Self-reported Infidelity and its Correlates Sex Roles Vol. 57, Issue 1-2 July 2007. Web. 2nd December 2012 Read More