The Concept of the True Self - Article Example

The Concept of the True self Gandhi, M. K. said, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with dirty feet”. How often do we have the courage to say this to ourselves and to the people around us? We pride ourselves as a country brimming with independence in our deeds, speech and lifestyle. However, do we stop to think about the driving force behind our actions? It is ironical that we spend tremendous effort, skill and finances to explore unknown worlds in our galaxy, yet tremble at the thought of exploring the world inside our own soul. Mahatma Gandhi was a man of actions and deeds who acted out his philosophy. He believed in the concept of a person’s individuality and uniqueness and was never afraid to articulate his thoughts, regardless of whom they conflicted. This often put him at loggerheads with the political authority and endeared him to the people in his pursuit for India’s independence. By his life and deeds he showed us that when one truly knows oneself and acts according to those beliefs, society can never make one bend to its whims. Most individuals today rarely know what their passions, strengths, weaknesses, eccentricities and interests are. The society has conditioned us to suppress what we truly are inside, and as a result, we end up voicing opinions, knowledge, and concepts that we have acquired from our environment. This is clearly articulated by Oscar Wilde O, the famous poet, when he said, “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation”. This essay, therefore, seeks to explore some of the reasons why people fear to be themselves, which include childhood conditioning, fear of rejection, fear of judgment and criticism, to gain favor from those they feel will help them achieve certain goals and lack of self-confidence. Childhood conditioning is the major cause of hidden identity. According to Cooper, Oliver, “As a child, one is vulnerable and dependent on their caregivers. So at this age one would not have much control and would desperately seek the approval and appetence of the people around them.” Caregivers include parents, guardians or relatives involved in the upbringing of a child. These people have a big impact on the perceptions, views, behaviour and patterns of thought that children develop as they grow. Children look up to them for guidance and are expected to follow the directions given to them without question. They learn early in their lives that any defiance will be met with punishment, whereas obedience will earn them praise, love and gifts. A false sense of self begins to develop in infancy and continues throughout childhood as a defense mechanism against an environment that feel unsafe consequently, child’s potential and creativity goes unnoticed, and we learn early in life to please other people and live up to their expectations at the expense of our own dreams and passions. We are conditioned to believe that expressing whom we are hardly beneficial, and since we are deeply in need of love and attention, we submit to the whims of our parents and lose our sense of self. According to Winnicot, D. W., “ Other people’s expectations can become of overriding importance, overlaying or contradicting the original sense of self, the one connected to the very roots of one’s being” (140-152). Secondly, fear of rejection is another key cause of hiding one’s true self. This is clearly illustrated in the novel by Nora Roberts titled The Witness, where Elizabeth followed her mother’s directions including mode of dressing, type of meal to consume, and type of friends to keep. In addition, she forced her to take up a medical career that she did not want to. She wanted to work for the FBI, but her opinions were of no importance to her mother. When she dared, contradict her mother and finally rebelled, her mother rejected her. This is the common fear that most people harbor in their hearts. To be your true self means to be different from the norms of the society and this may, most often than not, create a rift between an individual and one’s loved ones. Nobody wants to be lonely, and this makes people compromise their selves in order to keep their friends, loved ones and careers. However, eventually, it only leads to misery since we cannot follow our dreams and desires in life. Thirdly, fear of judgment and criticism. This is clearly brought out in the play by Peter Shaffer titled Equus, where Dysart’s patient, Alan, goes against societal indoctrination to conceive the idea of a horse god, Equus that differs from the traditional Christianity. As a result, he freely expresses his passionate worship and sexuality by comparing the horse god to Jesus. This adoration hits its climax when he blinds six horses, thus declared unbalanced and in pain and sent to Dysart to heal his mind. Society forces blind obedience and individuals are forced to suppress their desires. Even though most people are aware of this consequence and are dissatisfied with their miserable existence, they lack the commitment to change their lives. It is ironical that the very people who claim to love us unconditionally are the first people to criticize our actions and opinions. This is very common in highly educated homes where parents and older siblings have taken up careers deemed to be satisfactory such as medicine, law or engineering. A child who wants to pursue a career in music or art is thus criticized and looked down upon as low for their status. Those who dare to be themselves and express their uniqueness are labelled eccentric and in some, severe cases end up in mental institutions for treatment as in the play aforementioned. Others hide their identity in order to gain favour from those they feel will help them achieve certain personal goals. These reasons are mostly selfish but in some rare cases, noble. In the television series called Smallvile, Clark Kent, an alien from another galaxy, was forced to hide his identity in order to save his own life and those of humanity. If he had disclosed his identity, he would have been captured and subjected to painful scientific experiments and denied of his freedom. Therefore, in some life threatening situations, hiding one’s identity may be crucial and acceptable. However, some individuals may also hide their identity for selfish reasons such as a thief pretending to be someone’s friend for the sake of gaining knowledge on a bank’s operation or befriending an employer’s daughter for the sake of climbing the corporate ladder. The problem with such intentions is that they, most often than not, end up hurting innocent people and eventually the culprit too. As Homer says, “Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another”. Finally, others hide their identity due to lack of self-confidence. They are unsure of themselves and constantly doubt their actions and decisions. This can be caused by overdependence on parents or guardians as a result of being sheltered their whole lives. When the finally become adults, they find it difficult to express their opinions among their peers and end up agreeing with whatever others say even if their own opinions differ from the ones suggested. Other causes include child abuse and punishments, negligence, excessive criticism, comparison with others, parents’ expectations, physical appearance, peer pressure and bullying, financial and social position, unemployment, betrayal in relationships among others (Laishram, 1). These can lead to lack of social skills, over-analysis of problems which lead to action paralysis and high sensitivity to criticism which makes them agree to other people’s opinions without voicing theirs. In conclusion, the concept of unveiling and embracing one’s identity has gained considerable support and many people are beginning to understand its importance. People have been hiding behind masks that have become so burdensome. As such, they always appear happy or always pretending that all is perfect while the opposite is true. We end up wasting our lives being someone we are not and imitating qualities that we do not even possess. This has been aggravated by the media which makes people idolize celebrities, ignoring the fact that most of them just take on roles as a daily routine in their acting careers and do not necessarily possess the qualities that they display on screen. Johnson, Samuel captured when he said, “Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts… and to gain applause which he cannot keep”. In severe cases, hiding one’s true self in the long term may lead to personality disorders. Masterson, F. J. says, “…all personality disorders crucially involve the conflict between a person’s two ‘selves’: the false self, which the very young child constructs to please the mother, and the true self” (84). If people learn to overcome these fears about their identity, they will lead very simple lives since they do not have to please anyone. Works Cited Gandhi, Mahatma. An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments with Truth. Beacon Press, 1927. Print. Johnson, Samuel. The Rambler. 1750. Print. Laishram, Netrajit. Causes of Low Self-esteem. Buzzle. Jan 2013. Web. 22 February 2014. Masterson, James. The Search for the Real Self: Unmasking the Personality Disorders of Our Age. Macmillan Publishers, 1998. Print. Nutter, David, dir. Smallvile Episode I: Pilot. The Warners Bros, 2001. Film. Oliver, Cooper. The Self: Why Do Some People Hide Their True Self? Transformational Writing, May 2013. Web. 22 February 2014. Roberts, Nora. The Witness. New York: G. P. Putnam’s Sons Publishers, 2012. Print. Shaffer, Peter. Equus. New York: Penguin Publishers, 1977. Print. Winnicott, D. “Ego distortion in terms of true and false self," in The Maturational Process and the Facilitating Environment: Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development. New York: International UP Inc., 1965. Print. Read More