Passionate love versus compassionate love - Essay Example

Passionate love versus compassionate love Love encompasses a whole set of feelings that often include strong affection and emotion over a range of perspectives. Love might be romantic for a child, a friend, or one’s country in form of patriotism. It might not be necessary for love to be, for a specific kind of feeling or even with a specific perspective. Love can simply refer to a feeling of pleasure that one gets by doing something, hence the phrase ‘I love doing this’. One the other hand, even forms of romantic love is not all of the same kind. This might bring in the differences between passionate love and compassionate love. The key differences between the two kinds of romantic love contrast at different levels with both types having their own characteristics that seem better over the other. Passionate love happens quickly with strong attraction and feelings of emotion, but once the differences settle in, it is overcome by them and does not last long enough. Compassionate love on the other hand is based on mutual understanding, common dreams and empathy (Gilbert, Pg. 20-27). This makes compassionate love long lasting and possibly for the life time (Tzeng , P. 112). Compassionate love, hence, has more stability and the similarity and common interests of the two individuals help them bond over the facts (Lavelly; Quiles, pg. 354). Passionate love might be working on the bases of attraction between the opposites, but that is more of a compliment for the case of compassionate love with respect to qualities (Lavelly). The fact can be verified from the example that people, in general, prefer to marry into their own social groups and races even without the marriage being arranged by the parents or a third party (Lavelly). Research on the topic indicates that romantic acts and feelings are more permanent if the male and female have a higher pattern of similarity (Quiles, p. 354). This might be the reason that inspite of introduction of the internet and breaking of the rules previously stated about most individuals marrying in their own group (Lavelly), people still tend to marry in their own cultures (or atleast similar cultures) where they can find partners with more similarity (Quiles, p.354). This might be scene from a variety of perspectives and the contrast between the two types of love defines the controversy that surrounds the matter, the love for similar background, culture, ambitions, shared dreams and the simple attraction or craving for another person. A survey supports the compassionate love in this regard to be of higher importance by comparing it to sports. Athletes surveyed responded that compassionate love and understanding helped them improve their performance in sports (Hindustan Times). Compassionate love differs from the passionate love in significant ways; attitudes, motivations, desires, expectations and many other feelings that might be there in both differ in their approach. Compassionate love defines life with respect to care, a beneficial treatment and respect for the partner with an appropriate perception of the suffering of the other. Passionate love can be unstable and a ride through the rough. A couple might be sitting in front of each other having feelings ranging from attraction to awkwardness (May). The unconditional expectation of a romantic love is the actual thing put to test in case of a passionate love (May). For the love to be genuine the passion in the love with feeling and understanding of the other might be present but anything less might be a blow to the relationship in case of a passionate love (May). Where compassionate love presents free choice, cognitive understanding and empathetic responses that put aside selfish needs, passionate love might in fact be a way to fulfill one’s own emotional needs without which it might be seen as less valuable (May). A partner with passionate love might feel it is an emotional burden from the other when the going gets tough. The first difficulty in the relationship might challenge the existence of the relationship itself; the case of passionate love will most probably present the couple with the fact that it might be it. The attached and serious partner gets to mourn due to the factor of compassion present at that end. Relationships might get more complex when one partner has compassion while the other is merely basing the relationship on passionate love. This type of complication mostly makes it harder for one side to quit the relationship. The partner with more selfish motives (that of fulfilling their own emotional needs) will generally share dreams and go on with everything that they might apparently be compassionate till it burns out at their end. This makes it only harder for the compassion - often coming as a shock followed by a nervous breakdown if the other partner has developed a sense of mutual understanding, attachment and compassion. This makes the key differences between the two kinds of love the most controversial ones. The form of love that is often said to be not fully expressible often due to different complexities is the compassionate love since it is based on a variety of feelings, mostly involving fears of failure, guilt etc. The mixed feelings prevent the compassionate love to be fully expressed in most cases. Another aspect of compassionate love is that it is not necessarily a part of romantic love. Most feelings from the compassionate love might be there in other kinds of love too; like that of empathy with a friend and patriotism to the country or understanding with the family (Gilbert, p. 20-27). This often creates it more difficult to realize the existence of the bond until it is lost or about to be lost. It might also be the case that both passionate love and the compassionate love might be present at the same time and when one wears off the other might be more prominently visible. Such is the case in most successful weddings. It is claimed that the idea of romantic love being unconditional is a contemporary approach towards the understanding of love as compared to that of the love of God (May). The conditional approach of love is the perspective of passionate love. The passion for another person or individual develops for the attributes of the person; beauty, intellect or strength (May), as compared to the compassionate love where the emotion is based on experiences. The two kinds of love might often be blended where the individuals feel that their emotions are not selfish and that what matters is how the other thinks and not what they look like. In contrast to that understanding, believing love to be unconditional might be seen by some as ‘playing God’ and supposed to end in a bad way (May). This controversy might also be approached by a whole different way. Let us bring in the compassionate love with pets or animals to emphasis the differences of compassion and passion. The infinitely loyal pets, dogs, are known to have developed a significant bonding with their owners which goes both ways. The love of pets is based on the experiences and the bonding over time (Fried) and sometimes even mutual experiences that can be rather termed as issues faced together; whether they are more related to the pet with the human trying to empathize or the pet giving the human company in time of a crisis. The interdependency formed between the owner and the pet is that of an attachment (Fried). The emotional progresses of the individuals are dependent on the type of relationship they are forming. The compassionate love and the passionate love will often go through a totally different course even though they both might seem similar to be experienced to some extent. The example of love after marriage might better incorporate the fact on how compassionate love is the actual lasting love as compared to the passionate love (Byrne & Houlden, p. 805). Parents who are caring and working for their children, are seen to be having parental and biological love for their children, but on a side note, they are also giving each other compassionate love in this way (Byrne & Houlden, p. 805). In marriage, being seen as a relationship of love is the fact that presumes its success over all misunderstandings and conflicts (Byrne & Houlden, p. 805). The relationship that rises above all rough patches are the ones that involve empathy, understanding and care for the partner; by definition being compassionate love (Byrne & Houlden, p. 805). The idealizing of each other might be seen as a passionate act, which often wears off by time under the shadow of differences, the ability of forgive and celebrate together and go through tough times together often forms a bond that makes the true relationship (Byrne & Houlden, p. 805). The ‘falling in love’ that might get over in a year or two is only then replaced by compassion and this phase is attained only by a deep experience than by deep emotions (Byrne & Houlden, p. 806). To conclude the contentious debate between the two kinds of love; one being apparently more emotional but ‘short coursed’ while the other being permanent but seemingly lacking involvement - the compassionate love is the one that facilitates a lasting relationship (Byrne & Houlden, p. 807). Starting from facilitating new ambitions that one partner might not approve of, but understand its importance for the other as compared to the mutual benefit required in case of the passionate love which is generally overlooked only for a short period of time in the hype of emotions and sentiments. The appreciation of the partners’ qualities and faults, affirmation of each other’s personhood and conveying of gratitude for being present in the tough times (Byrne & Houlden, p. 807). The arguments and fights between couples in passionate love are often a threat to the relationship and an argument that encompasses the basis of the relationship might end the relationship altogether, whereas in compassionate love, the fights and arguments are a complement to the mutual understanding and further develop the relationship and in fact are a process of learning the personhood of the partner (Byrne & Houlden, p. 807). The distinctive qualities between the two kinds of behaviors in the human psychology are the main themes of love and relationships; it might often be on the desire of the person who falls in love or previous experiences that might make one aware of the differences between the two kinds of love (Quiles, P. 354). Whichever the reason might be, the wish to have an everlasting passionate love (May) is actually fulfilled by the compassionate love. References Byrne, Peter, and J L. Houlden. Companion Encyclopedia of Theology. London: Routledge, 1995. Internet resource. Gilbert, Paul. The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges. Oakland, Calif: New Harbinger Publications, 2009. Print. Kerry, Fried. "If you think your dog loves you - it does. Chicago Sun-Times. Sun-Times News Group. 1997.HighBeam Research. 27 Mar. 2013 . "Compassionate love boosts athletic performance." Hindustan Times (New Delhi, India). McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. 2011. HighBeam Research. 27 Mar. 2013 Amy ,Lavelly. Post-Tribune correspondent. LovingArrangement. Post-Tribune (IN). Sun-Times News Group. 2004. HighBeam Research. 27 Mar. 2013 .. Tzeng, Oliver C. S. Measurement of Love and Intimate Relations: Theories, Scales, and Applications for Love Development, Maintenance, and Dissolution. Westport, Conn: Praeger, 1993. Print. May, Simon. "Let’s fall in love like the ancients - Washington Post." Featured Articles From The Washington Post. N.p., 8 Feb. 2013. Web. 27 Mar. 2013. Quiles, Jose A. "Romantic Behaviors of University Students: a Cross-Cultural and Gender Analysis in Puerto Rico and the United States." College Student Journal. 37.3 (2003): 354. Print. Read More