Violence Thrives on Secrets and Silence - Essay Example

?Reading Log Response to Question Our reading material reminds us that “Violence thrives on secrets and silence. It involves processes that silence the diverse voices of truth within families.” Such is the case with the woman behind the name of Sylvia. Sylvia is a 39 year old woman who lived her life in a violent circle of family abuse at the hands of relatives. The woman was born with a sickly mother who turned her child rearing duties over to her sisters since she was physically unable to care for her baby. The child was raised in the family of her mother. The baby was taken home from the hospital to be cared for by her grandfather and aunts. No significant signs of abuse of the baby. However, the adult woman can vividly recall, in great detail the suffering and abuse that she suffered at the hands of the eldest sister of her mother who was assigned by the family to become the child's care taker. Sylvia recalls significant events of abuse that left her with a significant trauma both physically and emotionally. She has trust issues and finds it difficult to make friends as her aunt had raised her in a highly private and secretive atmosphere. No playmates or play dates were allowed. The child in essence was turned into a little adult who was oftentimes beaten up for acting like the child that she was either in public or private. Part of the abuse included locking her in the closet when she failed to clean up her room, dragging her out of the family home with her clothes being thrown out as well once she failed to produce a passing mark in her school subjects, and threatening to kill the child when the child tried to fight off the physical abuse or tell other people about what was happening to her. Sylvia has carried this secret with her for the past 39 years and she has tried to overcome the nightmares of the trauma and abuse that she suffered by trying to lead a normal life. Unlike other subjects, the woman does not display any signs of being an adult abuser due to the events that she experienced as a child. Rather, Sylvia displays a strong sense of empathy and a need to help others who may be suffering similar abuses in their early lives. In light of our readings, I cannot help but be reminded of the abuser/abused dynamic that was discussed within the chapter. Sylvia due to the fact that she was but a helpless child when she was thrust into the abusive situation had no idea that she was in a destructive relationship with her caretaker. She thought of the physical abuse as part of the learning process of life. That she had to be hurt in order to learn how to do things properly. She equated the beatings with what she was told was her learning disability. That she was not capable of doing anything right the first time because she was a woman and therefore took longer to learn how to do things. This was a point of view that she carried with her for most of her life, up until the death of her abuser almost 10 years ago. Just like any abuser, her aunt relied on the fact that no adult would believe the stories that a 6 year old child would tell them about the beating that she was undergoing on a daily basis. She took pride in the fact that she could verbally threaten the child into keeping her secret in the guise of giving the child a life threatening beating should the child attempt to tell anyone of the abuse. She preyed on the isolation of the child by threatening to throw her out of the house when the child felt like standing up for herself during certain physical abuse situations. It was only later on that Sylvia found out that her aunt was also the product of a physically abusive household. The aunt, who shall be hidden behind the name of Genie was raised as a helper in the household of her grandmother during World War 2. Her grandmother was also physically abusive and treated her grand daughter no better than she treated the maids. Genie was caught in a cycle of abuse and became an adult abuser because, from what I gleaned from the history of the family, she never managed to exact a type of revenge or closure with the abusive grandmother. When Sylvia came into her life, Genie took that as an opportunity to release her inner demons and come to a closure with the way her grandmother treated her by treating her niece the very same way she was treated. The role of power in the abuse cycle of this family everything to do with the family hierarchy. The abuser was always the older person who wielded an unquestionable power and role in the family as the leader of the pack. As a helper in this family, my role would be that of the person that can help the abused get over the trauma that she has experienced by tunneling that sense of fear into something positive. Thankfully, Sylvia truly wanted to get over her trauma and get on with her life as well. She wanted to discover who she was as a person sans the abuse that she experienced. That is where I helped her in great detail. Question # 3: As everyone might know by now, high school is the time when peer abuse comes to the fore. It escalates in tendency as we all struggle for acceptance and understanding among our peers. While others go on to become Ms. Popularity or Ms. Congeniality, others languish in the dark recesses of the campus, abused by their peers mentally and physically for being different from the rest of the pack for one reason or another. I was one of the girls who hid in the darkness and I carry those scars with me to this very day. I attended a private high school for girls back then. I was a sophomore whom a number of girls on campus believed did not belong in the school because I was not financially capable of keeping up with them. Due to the financial disparity of our status in life, I was often the target of verbal bullying and physical abuse. All of which I was forced to accept as a part of high school life because my parents refused my request to change schools. However, after I was wrongfully accused by my classmates of committing a crime that not even the school disciplinarian could believe that I was capable of committing; my parents finally gave in to my request for a change in educational institutions. I was accused of stealing my classmates’ money while they were performing at the school choir-fest that year. Although I was later proven to be innocent of all charges, the mental anguish and violation of trust had already happened. I will admit that to this very day, I still carry the effects of the abuse that I suffered in my sophomore high school year with me. I have a severe sense of distrust of the people around me. I find it hard to make friends and most importantly, open up to others about myself because of the way that I was maltreated in high school. I cannot trust anybody with my personal secrets and I always have a wall that goes up when I meet a person. It is very difficult for me to take that wall down for people because I use that wall to protect myself from any potential form of abuse at the hands of those around me. Although it is difficult for me to get over my trust issues, I am forcing myself to come to terms with the abuse and let go of it for the sake of my still fragile emotional and mental state. I believe that because I have a wide experience in terms of peer abuse and how to deal with it, I will make for a highly empathic counselor in the future. There is a common bond that can help me draw out my patient from his or her shell. By sharing my experience with him or her, I will be able to build a sense of trust and understanding with them because we can exchange ideas about how to deal with their current situation. I will be able to help them heal because they will be open to my suggestions and recommendations pertaining to their treatment based upon a comparison of our life experiences and how my method of dealing with what happened to me might work for them with some slight modifications that will accommodate their own needs. By identifying with them and making myself an open book, I hope to encourage them to do the same so that I can help them find their road to recovery and healing on a short and long term basis. Read More