Being a Man: The Aspects of Gendered Society - Essay Example

Being a Man Many psychological studies have helped me associate my personal experiences with how I look at my own self-identity as a man. Estelle Disch's multiple articles help me to define my role as a man but also indicates that there are other likely definitions of what a man should be and we do not always necessarily fall into particular gender cliches and stereotypes (Disch). As I have grown up, there have been numerous incidents that taught me how to be a man and further define who I am according to my gender. In the gender system, in socialization aspects, it does seem that male adults try to teach their children to be boys and their female children to act like girls, giving them trucks or Barbies respectively. That is the natural ideal of parent reinforcing gender identity. I never really thought twice about not playing with Barbies and instead wanting to climb trees. It was just something that little boys my age were doing. I guess societal influence as well as parental influence tries to help define who we are according to our biological gender immediately. Girl babies wear pink, boy babies wear blue. Gender identity is something that seems to be passed down from parents. Even single parents, in situations where people only have one parent, who is to say that a woman being a single parent of a male child will grow up having feminine characteristics? Also, in retrospect, why should a male raising a daughter expect her to be a tomboy when of course, she will someday menstruate too. However, we cannot blame our parents for giving us the gender identity through nurture and environmental factors. Instead, it was the way they were brought up too. Through my days of growing up, I thought I always identified with the traditional stereotype of a male. I knew that I enjoyed sports, I was masculine in every way, I hated shopping and I did things that most young boys did like playing with cars and being mean to girls that I liked. It was not until I was an older man that I started to identify more closely as my friends and I began to have more in depth discussions about what guys talk about. I feel that being a man is somehow just being masculine. I find that in any way that if I date someone, I have to be the safe and secure guy that protects my significant other. I find myself practicing chivalry and being traditional in a way that displays my duties as a man. I played sports and did all of the things men do. With my father figure, I played catch and watched football. He implied about the sex talk but it was actually my mother with whom I had the sex talk with as she started to become paranoid as I entered my teens that I may somehow make a mistake that would ruin my future. My father explained to me that being a man was simple. He told me that you listened to the lady of the household, did as she told you and always did things to get you out of the doghouse. He enforced Kimmel's sociological theory that sometimes even though it is in our biology to be male, the stereotype and gender identity of being a male is often exaggerated. The element of gender identity is not one of a person's reflection of individuality, but instead is a socially constructed institutional phenomenon created by society (Kimmel). Upon puberty, was when I discovered what being a man was like. The transformation of my body and the hormonal changes I had were what made me really feel like I had changed from a boy into a man. Being a man meant having hair in places that you did not know you could grow hair and while it was sometimes embarrassing at first, it was the first significant change that made me identify who I was: a young man ready to embark on the rest of his life. All of a sudden, I had an interest in dating. I found my friends and I would often talk about our dates and discuss women in some of the most crude ways. As a teenager, the main focus was about what girl was chasing me and which girl I was going to pursue. There were points in my life though that hanging out with my buddies and doing guy things were much more important. I, as much as I hate to say it, even got into a fight or two just to live up to my manhood expectations. If someone would not back down, neither would I and that was a point where adrenaline struck and I was pounced on and had to fight back. That seems to be a guy thing too. My buddies and I talked about sex and who had had it, who had not had it and what it would be like. My friends were not virgins for long and it became an added pressure to enter manhood by entering the journey of sexual relationships. My identity was tainted and confused but to feel like I fit in with the rest of my teenage “man” buddies, I felt as though there was that pressure to fit in and score with a girl. As a teenager, I wanted the girls to want me, I just did not want a relationship with them. That was part of the instances that made me feel manly initially, and especially an independent man. Also, in addition to the life transition that eventually landed me into college, I had considered going into the armed forces, just because I thought that that is what brave men do. I felt the need to serve my country and protect it just as the typical courageous man would do. It ended up that I did not go and though I sometimes contemplate on how life would be different if I had gone off to battle, but I do not know that it was something that I was truly man enough to do. When I went off to start college, I left behind my family. It was not until then that I realized I was on my own in an unknown world, ready to take on what lie ahead of me. As a man, I had to learn to do my laundry and eat Ramen noodles for dinner rather than enjoy the luxuries of my mother doing the same thing. It kind of scrambled my concept of my manhood and I realized that the things that a woman always did for me was something that I now had to do. One thing I learned in Disch's article in “It's Not Just About Gender,” I discovered that due to stereotypes, men often have a hard time trying to raise children, not knowing what to do. Fortunately for me, I love children and being around them is quite natural for me. It also states that being an unemployed man may have more time to spend time with family. Since I am a student, I tend to not worry about a job really at the time as my focus is on schoolwork. However, I see many of my friends who have skipped college to go on and become fathers and one of my friends has since been laid off. He has been able to step up and be a house dad which is out of the gender norm for men. I am sure though that if I had not gone to college and had not gone into the armed forces, I would somehow have ended up being a blue collared factory worker as there were few other things to do for men that are uneducated beyond high school. I have no desire to become a nurse or to sell Avon. That is something I will leave to my female stereotypes to set their hearts on. I ran upon my first gay friend when I entered college. I was a bit homophobic at first because though I knew guys and girls that were homosexuals in high school, no one discussed it. Otherwise, they were older than I was and it was not something I was necessarily wanting to discuss with another guy. It made me a bit uncomfortable, afraid he was going to hit on me. However, my first gay friend opened my eyes to a whole new realm of sexuality. Though his preferences were a tad bit feminine at times and he could be labeled as what I would call a “diva,” he was mostly very masculine. After becoming good friends, he explained to me the concept of homosexuality and how he tried to fight it off, feeling like lesser of a man because of his attraction to other men. He told me he started to feel like more of a man when he simply just accepted the way that he was and upon telling his parents, who struggled with his sexuality at first, accepted it eventually. The thing about my gay friend is that he fits the typical male stereotype. He does not fit this homosexual persona I had envisioned. His eyebrows are not always perfect, he rarely wears pink, he watches football, he plays a little bit of basketball, could care less about shopping and he is just as nice and as easy to relate to on other different levels like that of my other non-gay friends. It taught me a lesson that being gay does not make him any lesser of a man than any other situation in a man's life. It is simply just another lifestyle choice. I find his definition of his manhood to be quite respectable and though I do not wish to engage in details of his personal dating life, I accept him for who he is regardless of the stereotype that encompasses him. His sexual identity does not stake claim on his entire identity. I know for a fact that I do not fit Sabo's description of sexual schizophrenia. I have no sexual interest in males other than just friendship and though when talking to other males about sex, I almost take on an identity similar to that of a Neanderthal just waiting to mate. That is similar to any other male. Just because you are from New Jersey and a male does not mean you are in the mafia or you are into gym, tan and laundry and that when you go out you fist pump. That is a stereotype of a man in a different region. So what if their culture is a bit different? In another of the articles in Disch's anthology by Martin Espada, he tells of how his Puerto Rican background not only told of his gender identity. He additionally mentioned what was expected of him as a Latino male, but also had to be able to somehow find himself in that demographic overcoming the hurdles in America that surround the stereotype of a Latino male and passing down those ideals to his children. I have not encountered any such stereotypes therefore my race has never impacted me as a male. I can see were some of the instances that I described in my life story that I fit the pattern of masculinity in most instances. However, when I cook, clean and do laundry, not only do I feel like a typical bachelor but it sometimes makes me feel like I am doing a woman's job which hides me behind my mask of identity. One thing that Stoltenberg discusses is that a man sexuality is defined by the pornography industry (Disch). Well, that is true to some extent. What man does not want to see a show of a beautiful woman. However, it is not something I always think about despite popular belief. I find that pornography is somewhat stimulating but it is also degrading to a woman and I really wish that people, especially women that are in these pornography films, would see it for what it was and that is slop and degradation. Can you believe that? A male that thinks that pornography is degrading. One thing I also wanted to discuss was Allan Johnson's description of patriarchy (Disch). He states that according to gender patriarchy seems to be part of a man's job. I never feel that I am obligated to do anything just because I am a man. I just do not like to do things that I feel are too feminine. I also do not agree with his statement that because of gender identity and oppression, men typically want to lash out and be hostile toward women. I have never felt that I was better than a woman because I was a man. This could also be due to the fact that I strongly support women who are in power. I find women such as Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton fascinating and strong and they are breaking gender barriers, such as Barack Obama broke a racial barrier. Working their way up in the limelight of politics is definitely a method to overcome gender identity stereotypes. Works Cited Disch, Estelle. Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. (5th ed.) 2008. Print. McGraw-Hill Higher Education. Kimmel, Michael. The Gendered Society. (4th edition). 2009. Print. Oxford University. Press USA. Read More