Wedding of Students During College Life - Essay Example

Should marry their sweethearts during college life? No, I believe college should not marry their sweethearts because they are too young to understand their role and responsibilities of a marriage which is different from dating. College students, following the culture of dating, often mistake "going steady" with one partner synonymous with marriage whereas marriage is a cultivated relationship. It entails commitment, understanding, and sacrifices which college students are often not ready to take on. College students often mistake marriage an alternative of moving in and going through the semester together. Instead, it is a totally different life with different set of expectations, pressure and commitment. The second reason why college students should not marry their sweethearts is their perception of each other. College life is an introduction to a combination of academic and practical lifestyle. It is a transition period for the individual to learn and experience the vista of practical life. It is not actually the real life per se. As each individual go through this period, they tend to change individually and in their perceptions of others including their girlfriend/boyfriend. Some come to come to cherish their partner while others realize the relationships may not work out. Breakups therefore become common. When they are already married, this period also reflect on the couples relationship resulting in harsh fights, war of the wills, and inevitably divorce. According to Dr. Connor (Nicolino), a clinical psychologist and an active member of the Cognitive Therapy Associates, young couples are at higher risk of divorce because they are still maturing. They are still dealing with academic stressors, and the strain of marriage and family becomes too much for them. Their perception of family and marriage therefore alter towards the negative. Although, opponents to this view may argue that introduction of family and marriage at a young age motivate individuals to appreciate its value in later life. This view is over optimistic. No doubt, marriage and family is a tradition which should be cherished, especially in a time when more and more people fear commitments and tend to lead single lives (Arnett 97). More and more individuals shy away from marriage today because they feel they are not ready for it due to some reasons or the other including the fear of living with one partner forever; inability to handle children; the disruption from marriage in their career goals and ambitions; and the commitment towards family - that means accountability towards extended relatives. These aspects make young individuals delay marriage as long as possible resulting in inability to find a suitable partner till they are way in their thirties or forties. For these reasons, people encourage young marriages to bind the individuals at a young age so that they appreciate the value of family life longer. However, it must also be noted that such fears also has negative impact on the individuals marriage. Fear of commitment or fear of marriage often stems from personal negative experiences which lead to the fear of commitment towards marriage. For example some may have had divorced parents while growing up who got married young in the previous generation. The strains and pressure of separated parents tend to have adverse effects on the psychology of the child and negative impression of the marriage institution. Similarly, a bad divorce case of a friends involving bias legal proceedings or emotionally painful on the friend also influences the individual to steer away from marriage. These instances lead the individual to even more negative impressions of marriage when they have to bear the burden of its strains. Even if through peer and family pressure, they become entangled in a marriage, they would hate the institution even more. This would inevitably lead to divorce rather than lifelong commitment. Finally, marriage is not like other commitments in life like career or friendship which can be dissolved at a drop of a hat. In college life, some friends are made while others are dropped to accommodate to the busy semester schedule. Marriage is a lifelong commitment which requires participation of both partners throughout the married life regardless of the busy schedules one maintains. Similarly, during college life, a semester can be dropped due to lack of funding. Instead, the individual may decide to take up a summer job to earn some extra cash for the next semester. Marriage cannot be "dropped" like a semester. Instead, the responsibility of earning to support the family, especially if the couple has children, is perpetual. As a result, pressure to work and study at the same time can have negative impact on the married couple. Yet, opponents are of the view that the value of marriage is unending. A satisfying marriage can have a healthy and fulfilling effect on individuals. They tend to live longer, stay together longer and make sharing of lifes events more enjoyable. The gratifying aspect is to have a family who is willing to support the individual, stabilizing his/her career and eliminate the sense of loneliness (Bradbury 153). This view, though justified is not experienced by every married couple, especially young ones. The majority of young individuals are full of ambitions, bright ideas and perspectives on how they want to lead their lives. When they commit to a marriage, these ambitions are eliminated leading to frustration and anger against its cause - the marital partner. As a result, young couples tend to have more fights, are more frustrated from their marriage, and tend to judge their partner more harshly than mature couples. Since both partners go through the same phases of development, they tend to vent their frustration on each other more readily. These aspects lead the author to conclude that young college graduates should not marry at a young age especially their own sweethearts who know and grudge their faults and frustrations more readily. When individuals marry at a mature age they have more experience; they have tasted career success (or failures) and tend to appreciate married life more. They are in essence more stable, mentally and financially, to support their partners. Works Cited Arnett, Jeffrey Jensen. Emerging adulthood: the winding road from the late teens through the twenties. Oxford University Press US, 2004. Bradbury, Thomas N. The developmental course of marital dysfunction. Cambridge University Press, 1998. Nicolino, Toni. "Young Couples and Marriage" December 4, 2003. Online accessed on 5 June 2010: Read More