The best time to get married - Research Paper Example

Introduction Deciding on when to settle down and marry among couples in relationships is usually a difficult resolution to make for many people. According to Lamanna, et al social and economic factors between the unmarried play a significant role in determining when the couple gets married (48). However the greatest impediment to deciding on the most ideal time to get married is the fear of the unknown. These fears are mostly founded on the concerns about whether the union would last the test of time (Coontz, 92). In the contemporary society, couples in the prevailing marriages married at diverse times and it is difficult to conclusively determine the most ideal time for settling down. The psychological preparedness of each person in the relationship and commitment to one another are the main factors that determine when to get married. This paper is critical examination on the appropriate time to get married. Marriage plays significant biological and social roles in the society. According to Robert, family is the basic unit of society and it has been one of the main reasons why people get married (41). However, in the course of human development, the role of family has changed gradually. Since time immemorial, the major role of marriage was for procreation and therefore marriages consisted of heterosexual couples. However, in the contemporary society, the role of marriage is not solely for procreation but to provide companionship. Demands for legalization of same sex marriages are more intense than ever before and some countries have legalized the practice. The increasing number of single parent families is an indicator that procreation can be achieved outside the boundaries of marriage. In addition, advance in medical technology such as in vitro fertilisation have eliminated the need for traditional heterosexual union (Pinello, 87-98) Hence, although procreation remains one of the goals of a marriage, it is no longer the chief motivation. Before investigating the ideal time of getting married, it is important to investigate the reasons why people marry in the first place. Lamanna, et al, defines marriage as “an association between a man and woman, which give due legal recognition to the children born to the woman as offspring of both partners” (42). This definition implies that a heterosexual marriage is a universally socially recognised union, which excludes other unions that do not result to procreation. Marriage comprises of responsibilities and it accords the partners and the resulting children several rights and privileges. According to Coontz (75), marriage provides children of both partners with legal identity. These include children who are not biologically conceived by one or both partners. To the partners, marriage accords both of them the monopoly of each others sexuality. This implies that marriage is exclusively monogamous in nature, and violation of this principle makes the institution invalid and void. Marriage gives both the husband and the wife partial or monopolistic rights to each others domestic and labour related services. This implies that both partners should meet the physical and emotional needs of one another. In addition, marriage accords both partners full or partial rights over the control or ownership of the property belonging to the husband and wife. This includes debts, income, or other revenues generated by both or one of the concerned parties. In addition, the marriage accords the children the right of ownership of their parent’s properties. Moreover, marriage provides a platform for establishing a socially significant relationship between the extended families of both the wife and the husband. These roles of marriage play a critical role in reaching the decision on when to get married (Robert, 82-88) In a typical heterosexual relationship, the issue of children plays a critical role in making decisions on when to settle down in a marriage. In single couple relationships where the man and the woman do not have children either adopted or biological from previous relationships, two scenarios could arise regarding children, which determine the time to get married. One scenario is that the couple aspires to get children in the marriage. In such a case, the ability of both of them to biologically sire children of their own comes into question. The biological ability of the woman to conceive is time bound unlike that of the man (Small, 63). According to Small, the ability of woman to conceive decreases with age and most women loses the capacity upon reaching menopause at the age of about forty to fifty years (90). Therefore if getting their own biological children is a priority to both of them, the woman could be compelled to settle down sooner or later depending on her age. For this reason, women who are about to approach menopause and aspiring to get married settle down sooner than their younger counterparts in order to bring up a family before the biological conception period lapses. Similarly, young women aspiring to get married could settle down early in order to bring up children when young so that they can later proceed pursuing their interests in life without the burden of caring for their offspring at old age (Coontz, 107). In another situation, the couple could aspire to raise adopted children and in such as case, the time to get married is not controlled by the woman’s biological conception period. Therefore, such as a couple could marry late or early in their age depending on other factors such as financial stability. However, medical technology has developed techniques of getting biological children to old women beyond the age of conceiving (Small, 65-69). The technology is however expensive, but it nonetheless provides opportunities for financially able couple to sire their own children once they get married in old age. For couples intending not to sire their own children or adopt, they could get married any time they feel that they psychologically prepared to commit to one another. In contemporary society, such couples include heterosexuals and people in same sex unions. Due to the legal inhibitions of same sex marriages in most countries, such couple could resort to cohabit and postpone marriage until the restrictions are lifted, if they do not have the ability to migrate to countries where the practice is legalized. In the contemporary society, parents are legally obliged to take care of their children’s needs until they attain the legally defined age. According to Pinello (105), children have the right to grow with dignity in an environment that provides for their physical, mental and spiritual needs. These include right of getting decent nutrition, shelter, medical care and education. In addition, parents are required to provide their children with love and protect them from any harm that could undermine their normal growth (Pardek, 138). In marriage therefore, the responsibility of bringing up children plays a major role in determining when to settle down. Coontz argues that the financial implications of taking care of family responsibilities prevent many couples aspiring to get married to settle down early (133). In a meritocratic society that emphasizes on attainment of highest level of education possible in order to achieve financial success, many young people postpone marriage for academic and career pursuits (Lamanna, et al, 205). Therefore it is usual for young men and women to put off marriage until they firmly establish their careers. Financial concerns are further aggravated in relationships where both or one of the partners have dependants, or intend to get children once they marry. In such circumstances, couples with limited financial capacity tend to postpone the nuptials until a time they feel adequately prepared to settle down. Mutual and selfless love is the foundation of any successful relationship and marriage (Coontz, 53). In the contemporary society majority of people engage in multiple relationships before they eventually settle down with one partner in marriage. Coontz argues that seeking the ideal partner to give and reciprocate love takes a considerable time(66). The characteristics of the ideal partner are debatable, but one can meet the right person at any age, whether in teenage or old age. Contemporary society is replete with couples who found their love and married in early twenties and their marriages still stand. Others found their ideal partners in old age and settled down. For those who find partners whom they think they can spend the rest of their lives with in marriage, the decision to get married formally could be made soon or late in their relationship after many years of dating. Conclusion Marriage counsellors recommend the couples in relationship to date for a considerable length of time in order to learn about their partners and make informed decision on whether they are ready to cope and live with them in marriage (Small, 88). In society, a marriage is supposed to last for a lifetime and divorce is largely discouraged. Marriage is not a trial and error undertaking and for this reason, many people experience difficulties in establishing when to marry because of the societal pressures and expectations. The question on whether a married couple would bear the responsibility of bringing up a family successfully has currently become of more importance rather than the appropriate time to marry (Small, 161).Making the decision on when to marry requires high level of maturity, which entails sound understanding of the responsibilities associated with the union and the legal implications. There is no ideal time for marrying and any couple can settle down in matrimony provided they are both psychologically prepared to take responsibility of their union and committed to ensuring the wellbeing of each other. Work Cited Coontz, Stephanie. Marriage, a history: From Obedience to Intimacy or How Love Conquered Marriage. New York: Vicking Adult, 2005. Lamanna, Mary., et al. Marriages and Families. 9th ed. New York: Cengage Learning, 2006. Pardek, Kohn. Child Rights: Policy and Practice. New York: Routledge, 2006. Pinello, Daniel. America’s Struggle for Same- Sex Marriage. New York: City University of New York, 2006. Robert, Parkin. Kinship: An Introduction to Basic Concepts. Oxford: Blackwell, 1997. Small, Meredith. Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent. Oxford, USA: Anchor, 1999. Read More